SGA: Doctor Meredith
by spookysister7
Summary: An Ancient machine turns McKay into a woman, and that's only the beginning of his problems! He runs into Kolya and finds himself the victim of some unwanted attention. Based on Ellex's 'Keeping Dr. Meredith'. Non-slashy and slashy alternating chaps
1. Chapter 1

AN: This story is based on Ellex's "Keeping Dr. Meredith". The best SGA story EVER! The author's note said that anyone could use the idea, so… Here is my version. It coincides with my story, "Dear Mer". In my world no one died. Season 4 spoilers.

Chap 1

It wasn't the fact that the Ancient machine he found in the abandoned lab had turned him into a woman, it was the fact that Rodney couldn't figure out how to make it turn him back.

He moaned in frustration at another one of Sheppard's endless line of transvestite jokes, letting his head thump against the workstation in frustration.

"Chill out, McKay! Jeeze, a couple weeks as a woman and I think you already have PMS," Sheppard said with a grin, leaning back against the wall.

McKay raised his head and gave him a red-eyed glare. "Don't even joke about that. I have enough problems already."

Radak snickered quietly, the top half of his body wedged under the control console of the mysterious ancient sex change machine.

"Okay, can someone tell me why the Ancients thought it would be a good idea to build a sex change machine? Anyone?" Sheppard asked into the air, bored beyond belief.

"The same reason they thought an exploding tumor machine was a good idea." McKay said, letting his head drop back onto the table.

Sheppard stared at him in disbelief. "Exploding _tumors_?"

"Yes, Colonel. It's just a good thing we found out what it did _before_ we tried to turn it on." Radak interjected, muffled by the console.

McKay snorted derisively, "Yah, one of my IDIOT technicians could have blown up half of Atlantis."

"Yes, it's much better when only you suffer, Rodney," Sheppard said with a grin.

McKay sighed, "You're right. I seem to be destined to suffer."

Radak chuckled.

"Shut up and fix it, R2-D2, or I'll throw you in the scrap pile," Rodney mumbled into the table.

Sheppard raised an eyebrow and shook his head. "Come on, McKay. You're getting out of this lab for a while."

"Huh? What? I can't! I've got to get this machine…"

"No, what you've got to do is eat, sleep, and let Radak work in peace."

"What?! Why?" Rodney sputtered as Sheppard dragged him from the room.

"Because tomorrow is our first off-world mission after you-know-what happened. And you have to be fresh!" Sheppard said, grinning at Rodney's discomfort.

People still looked twice as they walked down the corridors, two weeks not long enough to get used to seeing McKay as a woman- a slightly pudgy, sharp-nosed, short haired woman with all the charm of a one-eyed pit bull.

"I am NOT going on a mission like… like THIS! It's completely inappropriate!"

"I'd like to hear you tell Teyla that," Sheppard smirked.

"Yah, you're one to make jokes. If the machine had turned_ you_ into a woman, you'd probably have every man on this base after you- like you have every woman now. Me, I get looks like I'm some crazy Mother-in-Law that's going to chase them with a rolling pin or something!"

"More like Aunt," Sheppard said, shoving a sandwich in Rodney's hand as he stumbled into his quarters. "Good night, Rodney. See you bright and early tomorrow!" The door shut firmly, leaving Rodney alone in his room.

"See ya." Rodney mumbled, confused. His face twisted in dismay, "Oh, no! Pre-mission physicals!" He groaned, sitting heavily on the edge of his bead. "Just wonderful."


	2. Chapter 2

Chap 2

"Well, this mission is certainly worth my precious time!" Rodney snarked, sitting heavily on the rough-hewn bench outside the main tent.

He had been grumbling continually since they stepped through the gate, but his complaints reached new levels when, purely by mistake, the chieftain of this little Podunk village suggested that he was Sheppard's wife.

That alone would have sent Rodney into a fit, but the look on Sheppard's face… Disgust, revulsion and that sudden step away to put distance between them. Was he really so ugly as a girl that even Casanova Sheppard thought it was a horrendous idea?

Rodney blocked out the thoughts with his own brand of compensation, "Anyone know the word clean around here?" He asked to no one, scrubbing his dust covered hands, thin and almost delicate, across the legs of his equally dust covered pants.

That was another thing, did anyone have any idea how hard it was to find a mission uniform in this size? If it fit his shoulders, his boobs were trying to pop out, but if it fit his boobs the shirt was practically hanging to his knees. He ended up having to tie one of those stupid looking knots at the corner of his shirt. Stupid girl-boobs! And these pants! Did the military design them for men then just shrink them for women?! Good grief, the crotch hung, the butt was too tight, and the legs clung to his calves like Velcro!

McKay crossed his arms and scowled. Couldn't even cross one's arms properly with these stupid oversized boobs! No one was paying any attention to him anyway. Maybe he should walk around a little, get his mind off things, and maybe look for weird energy readings, like there would be any in this hick town.

McKay stood, nodding to Ronon who leaned sleepily against the wall watching Sheppard and Teyla negotiate. Ronon nodded back but otherwise didn't move, absorbing the strong sunlight like a cat in a windowsill.

McKay picked up his scanner, slung the heavy back pack over his shoulders, he was not leaving his precious computer with these Neanderthals, and wandered off towards the shade of the trees in the distance.

It was a little farther to the trees then he thought. By the time he reached the precious shade he was puffing, his face red with exertion and the start of sunburn. "I knew I should have brought my sunscreen, but no, 'it's only going to be a short trip' Sheppard says. Stupid, cotton-picking, football-loving, clown-fearing flyboy."

Rodney huffed, pulling out his scanner. Trees, trees, dirt, stupid little village, weird energy signature… What?! Rodney straitened. There was something there just a second ago. Where did it go? What was it?

Focus glued to the scanner, Rodney stumbled deeper into the trees, unaware that keen eyes watched his every move.

"Sheppard," Rodney said, clicking on his radio, "I just got a strange energy reading here."

"Rodney?" Sheppard asked a moment later, "Where are you?"

"I'm about a Klick north of you, in the trees."

"What?! Why didn't you tell me you were going that far? I told you not to wander off alone!" Sheppard yelled, sounding strained.

Rodney rolled his eyes, "Oh, please, Colonel. Don't treat me like some delicate flower. I didn't touch anything; I just went for a stroll. Did you hear what I said about the energy reading, or are you still 'negotiating' with the Chief's daughter?" Rodney snarked.

Silence.

"Just get back here McKay. Now," Sheppard said, his voice cold.

"I'm coming, but you better tell them to find me something to eat. Power bars just aren't cutting it."

The village had indeed produced a meager meal for them to share, and Sheppard's constant glares persuaded Rodney to keep silent about the quality and quantity of the meal. Though he did keep an internal running monologue about Pegasus galaxy food and possible citrus poisoning.

It was pitch black when they were finally shown to their tent. Sheppard still had not said a word to him.

"Look, Colonel, about that energy signature…"

"Zip it, McKay. I'm tired. Just… go to sleep, okay?" Sheppard said with a sigh, slipping off his boots.

"I'm not tired," Rodney said petulantly, once again attempting to cross his arms. He ended up with one arm flapping uselessly at his side while the other pressed firmly under his breasts. He scowled and started picking through the pockets of his vest, looking for another chocolate power bar.

"Good. Then you can take first watch. Night McKay." Sheppard fell back into the cot, covered his eyes with his arm, and promptly started snoring.

Rodney continued to search through multiple pockets as Teyla and Ronon bedded down for the night.

"Goodnight, Rodney," Teyla said softly. Rodney grunted in acknowledgement before giving up his search and straitening with a yawn. He popped his neck, rubbing out the soreness. So maybe he was a _little_ tired.

Imagining that the cool night air would help wake him up, Rodney shuffled out the entrance, still thinking about the energy signature… and that elusive chocolate power bar.


	3. Chapter 3

AN: REWRITE NOTICE Ellex made a good point in the review. While I LOVE Ellex's version, it is quite a break from Rodney's POV. So, I redid that section. Please reread and let me know what you think. Thanks!

Chap 3

He didn't wander too far, just far enough that the dying fire in the center of the clearing no longer obscured his view of the alien stars. Some of them he recognized from Atlantis, shifted from their somewhat familiar places by a few thousand light-years.

It was very quiet, the cricket-like chirps he heard earlier now silent. Rodney stared at the stars for a moment longer before realizing that it was too quiet.

He had just started to reach for the gun, scrabbling a bit over his now-protruding hips, when the men appeared from the darkness.

Rodney even managed to get the 9-mil out and up, but it was too little, too late. By that time the men had reached him, their natty grey uniforms blending into the darkness, their white hands and faces seeming to float eerily in midair.

Before he could think to yell or reach for his radio, they had him. He fought back, of course, as the gun was wrenched from his grasp and a calloused hand was forced over his mouth. Almost before his usually quick mind could figure out what was happening, he was dragged into the darkness.

-000-

The trip to the trees seemed to flash by as Rodney struggled futilely against his kidnappers. He didn't even slow them down as they fled into the trees, stepping quickly but carefully though the underbrush. Slung over the shoulder of one of the men, rope grinding against his back as his bound wrists were stretched to their limit, gag chocking his attempt to breathe, Rodney bounced helplessly, stomach protesting.

His tac vest, filled with all manner of scientific doodads, ground into his breasts with every step, causing additional discomfort to an already uncomfortable trip. If he could have cursed, he would have, loudly.

As he bounced along, Rodney's mind sped through the situation. A glance at their uniforms, Genii, of course, told him that they, probably, hadn't kidnapped him as some kind of weird mating ritual. And, if he had been himself, he would have assumed they wanted his mind, but as it stood, the Genii (most likely) had no idea who they had. But that left Rodney with a mystery. If they didn't want him for his mind, what did they kidnap him for? And who, exactly, was in charge of this little scheme?

-000- AN: Begin Rewrite of Ellex's story

When the soldiers put him down, Rodney could barely stay on his feet, waving uncertainly. They all left except one, who pulled out a long knife from his belt. Rodney paled, his red face immediately growing wan as the knife glinted in the dull florescent lighting. His mouth opened and shut like a fish, unable to form words through the gag. The knife came closer and Rodney closed his eyes, tensing in terror as the soldier circled behind him.

The soldier's rough hand wrapped around his thin wrist, yanking his bound hands up. With a slick swish, the knife severed the bindings and Rodney's hands fell limply to his sides.

The soldier left. Rodney followed him with his eyes, watching the heavy door shut with a solid thunk, the lock shnicking shut behind him. Shaking out numb hands, Rodney untied the thick gag, spitting out the taste of the rough material and licking his dry lips.

"Stupid low-life Neanderthals! Don't know the first thing about anything, think they can just wave their stupid weapons around and everyone will lie down and die. Just let me get my hands on a couple of chemicals and I'll show _you_ a weapon," Rodney muttered, eyes glancing around the room, as if wary of hidden knives in the walls.

Finally assured that he was alone and relatively safe, McKay started to take stock. Bereft of his vest, taken off by a soldier with free-roaming hands, McKay was left with only the clothes on his back. He huffed and stuck his hands in his pockets, wincing slightly as his hands slid towards a portion of his anatomy he'd rather not be reminded of.

His right hand encountered the crackle of a wrapper. Digging around, McKay pulled out a wadded up gold wrapper. Upon picking it open, he discovered nirvana. Chocolate. One square was melted into a sticky chocolate puddle, just waiting to be devoured. Rodney couldn't decide if his new body needed chocolate more than his old body, or if he just enjoyed it more, all he knew was that licking that wrapper was ecstasy.

After devouring every last speck, Rodney ruefully returned the wrapper to his pocket and started to pace.

It was the sound of the lock sliding open that gave him pause. Turning towards the door, Rodney braced himself for whoever would enter, but the sight of Kolya's face still sent him into a spiraling terror. Rodney spoke, the words going directly to his mouth without a pass through his brain.

"You! Oh my god, I knew it. Kolya. As soon as I spotted those natty little uniforms, I knew it had to be you," Rodney said, his acid tongue on full throttle.

Kolya raised an eyebrow. "So you've heard of me, then? I'm pleased to have made such an impression on the inhabitants of Atlantis."

Rodney was puzzled. Didn't the man even remember him? And then it hit him, once again. He wasn't exactly… himself. Rodney quickly revised what he was about to say, remembering Sheppard's advice never to give the enemy more information than they already had. "Heard of you! Yes, yes, everybody's heard of you. We're, ah, all warned, everybody who goes off world is warned about you. Look out for Kolya, they tell us. Nasty piece of work. Very, ah, ah, very ruthless! Yes. Um…"

"Well, since you seem to know so much about me, perhaps you'd return the courtesy and tell me about yourself."

Rodney thought quickly, "Myself? I, ah, there's not much to tell. I'm just, I'm nobody. Really. Just another hapless scientist." He stuttered.

"You might like to rethink your answer. 'Nobody' isn't much use to me as a hostage." Kolya said, that suave smirk plastered on his face that reminded Rodney of an alligator's toothy grin. Kolya stepped further into the room, the door shutting quietly behind him. Rodney flinched, highly aware that he was trapped in a very small room with a very ruthless killer.

"I – I – I'm –" Rodney stutters, stalling for time. Crap! He sucked at lying! But he'd fooled Kolya before, and he'd do it again.

"Your name," Kolya asked again, moving a step closer.

"M-meredith. _Doctor_ Meredith." Rodney said finally, a half lie would be more convincing, and Rodney grew more confident as he came up, at last, with a plan.

"Doctor Meredith. The pleasure, I think, is all mine," Kolya said slimily, his eyes leering over Rodney's body. Rodney twitched, trying very hard not to slug the man just for that. Slimy, horny, creepy old goat that he was. Rodney couldn't stop himself from glaring, however, his mouth pulling down of its own accord, itself affronted by the blatant perusal of this body's 'assets'.

"You know Dr Weir won't negotiate with you." Rodney said finally, unable to take anymore. His voice came out strangled and shrill, evidence of his effort to corral his quickly fraying nerves. "Didn't you learn that from taking Colonel Sheppard? What could you possibly hope to accomplish by this? Apart from using my brilliant mind, not that I'd help you, of course." Rodney almost winces at his own words, his ego still raring to go, alternate identity or no. He tries to keep the nervous gesturing to a minimum, as it seems to draw more attention from Kolya to places he'd rather not have the man staring.

"I wonder if Doctor Weir might not change her mind. After all, you're a scientist, not a soldier…and you're a woman."

Oh, great. Bring that up. Rodney rolled his eyes. "You just had to bring that into it, didn't you? Believe me, my – my gender – won't make a bit of difference to Elizabeth. The loss of my brilliant intellect, my knowledge and expertise, that's another story. But she still won't negotiate with – with terrorists. _Especially_ not you."

"It's of no matter." Kolya says, starting to circle. McKay hates it when bad guys circle, it's just… creepy.

"Then what the hell do you want, Kolya?" Rodney blurts out, unable to take the circling or the silent studying any longer.

Kolya smiles, and Rodney tries not to cringe. There goes that croc again. "Sheppard," Kolya says.

"W-what?" All this? For what, revenge?!

"I want Colonel Sheppard. He has ruined my plans too many times. You see, Doctor Meredith, _you_ are entirely incidental to my purpose. You are merely a lure to bring Sheppard here. He will, of course, attempt to rescue you, and I've made sure he'll have minimal trouble finding this place. If things go particularly well, he'll bring Doctor McKay with him. I'll kill Sheppard, and take McKay back to the Genii home world with me, where he will be put to work furthering Genii technological advancements. If you behave yourself, Doctor Meredith, I'll take you, as well – rather than leaving your body here, along with Sheppard's, for your people to find."

Rodney is beyond astounded. "That's the dumbest plan I've ever heard! The whole point of this pointless exercise is to kill Sheppard? What are you, a Bond villain?" The contempt in his voice coming through plainly.

Kolya moves then, striking Rodney hard across the face before he can register what happened. Shocked, it takes a moment for his shaky balance to restore itself and he stumbles back, almost brushing the wall. God that hurt! Rodney presses an icy hand to his cheek, feeling for blood. He… he hit ME! It takes a minute for Rodney's voice to return.

"What – what makes you think D-doctor McKay or – or I will help you at all?" Angry with the shakiness in his voice, Rodney twitches, unable to keep still.

"I know from previous experience how well McKay responds to knives. I have no doubt that I'll discover an adequate inducement for you to cooperate, as well. It's in your own best interests, you know. The only alternative is death."

He had to bring that up, McKay thought, sick to his stomach. For once, he was glad that this new body was unrecognizable. "And what about Ladon? I don't think he'll let you just waltz back in, even if you have m-McKay."

"Ladon Radim's authority is not as strong as he thinks. Without Sheppard, the alliance he has with Atlantis may very well fall apart. With, of course, a little help from my own allies among the Genii."

"That really is a stupid plan," Rodney tells him sourly. The man's a moron, "and I've heard some incredibly stupid plans, believe me. You aren't even really concerned about what's best for the Genii, are you? As long as you get to kill Sheppard. That's all that really matters." Stupid soldier mentality.

"The only thing you need worry about is your own continued survival," Kolya's voice grows tense, and Rodney almost smiles. Ah, hit a sore spot, have I? "I have no doubt that I can persuade you to cooperate, Doctor Meredith. For example, I could give you to my men for the night. You're a very pretty woman, and they've been without…company…for some time."

Only half-listening now, Rodney picks up on an unusual descriptive. "You think I'm pretty?" Pretty? Rodney thought to himself, I never thought about it, but I suppose if one were ignorant of the fact that I was, am, male… Wait, what was that last part?

"Wait a minute, are you threatening me with – oh, wonderful!" Rodney throws up his hands and turns away to stomp towards the back of the room. "I can't believe you – this is because I'm a woman now, isn't it? When I – if I was a man, this wouldn't even come up. Would it?" He paces back and forth, muttering angrily to himself. "I knew I should have stayed in Atlantis. I should never have even left my quarters! But no, Sheppard just had to drag me along on a stupid mission. It'll be fine, he says. Nothing's different, he says. It'll get your mind off things, he says. Well, this is _not_ my idea of a distraction from my problems!"

Rodney actually forgot about the cell, Kolya, everything, his mind trying to wrap around the fact that just being female could get you into these kinds of situations. It was unbelievable!

"I don't know how they do it," Rodney mutters, mulling over everything that had happened to him recently, "I just don't know how they can stand it. I've been like this for several weeks now, and I can hardly stand myself."

Rodney is pacing now, his steps echoing in the room as Kolya just stands there like one of his useless lackeys. Stupid fly-boys, stupid assistants that can't fix stupid machines that STUPID Ancients build for STUPID reasons! Rodney's temper is about to boil over, his emotions running on a permanent adrenaline high, his nerves frayed and his body exhausted.

And then Kolya moves, and Rodney is pressed into the wall, squished between the hard surface and Kolya's body. He can feel Koyla, every inch of his body pressing into him, the moldy smell of his wool uniform melding with sweat and arousal.

Oh, God! Get him off! Rodney pushes, trying futilely to shove the large man away, to get room to breathe, to quit feeling HIM. Kolya has his arms trapped beside him and there is no way to get enough leverage to shove him off. Get OFF me! Rodney screams internally, his voice strangled by the lack of air and the sudden, primal fear. His breath comes in gasps, barely kept from hyperventilation by the sheer fact that his lungs could not expand.

"No – no, get off me," Rodney finally gasps out past his rigid throat, panic tingeing his every breath. And Kolya moves again, bending down to press his mouth to Rodney's. It takes a second before Rodney can get his mind around it. Kolya is kissing him. GET OFF! Rodney shrieks internally, fighting with every ounce of strength in his strange new body. And then Kolya's hand snakes around and forces Rodney's head up, closer. And Kolya's tongue is pressing, searching for a way through McKay's tightly clamped lips. NO NO NO! Rodney welds his jaw shut, obliging _him_ nothing.

And then Rodney feels something he had NEVER wanted to feel grind into his thigh. And he can't help a gasp of terror and disgust. That was all the opportunity Kolya needed, his tongue probing deep in McKay's mouth as McKay screamed, coming out a deep, sickened moan of utter revulsion and dismay.

McKay's brain is on overload, unable to handle the situation he is in nor the way his body is reacting, and so, as he feels Kolya's hand slide caressingly down his arm, McKay passes out.

Rodney awakens moments later. Someone is gently slapping his face. He blinks, unable to recall exactly where he is.

"What's going on?" Rodney asks, blinking blearily at the man next to him. A flash of recognition. "What…Kolya?"

And then he remembers. Everything. And Rodney flinches away, his hand shooting to cover his bruised lips, still tinged with the foul taste of whatever Kolya had had for dinner. Oh, God! Rodney tries not to start shaking, realizing just how far Kolya could have gone. And there would be nothing he could have done to stop him.

And it wasn't FAIR! Just because he was a woman now? Because he's smaller? Or weaker? Or less able, somehow, to defend himself? NO ONE deserved to be treated like that! Like, like an _animal!_

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Rodney snarls, pushing himself farther away. "Get off me!" Furious tears fill his eyes and spill down his face, which only makes him angrier. Stupid female emotions! (Although, if he was honest, he would probably be crying as a male if Kolya had done… that … then.) "Oh my god, am I – I am! I'm crying! This – you – I can't – " Rodney suddenly realizes the danger isn't over. He's laying on the floor, essentially helpless, a prisoner of a man who was clearly tempted to…

Rodney's voice deserts him, his face twisting with the sickening realization that no one would interfere. And the chances of Sheppard rescuing him in time…

Kolya looks as if he is going to speak, but a loud noise interrupts him, a cacophony of gunfire and shouting. The walls shake, and one of his soldiers flings the door open to tell him that the Lanteans have come.

-000- AN: End Rewrite (please review)

Rodney is still shaking, barely aware that the sound of gunfire signifies his friends are staging a rescue. All he can hear is the blood roaring in his ears, the ache in his lips, and the startled beating of his heart. He had never felt so helpless.

Of course, he had been in bad situations before, cornered, tapped, and unable to escape… but never physically threatened, at least not in _that_ way.

As the soldier at the door ran back to help his comrades, Koyla turned to look his way. Rodney shuddered, unconsciously curling into himself, his arms wrapping around his knees as his breasts were squished. He shuddered again, closing his eyes for a millisecond as he remembered the press of Koyla's heavy wool uniform against the thin cotton covering his breasts.

Rodney suddenly yearned for the protection of his tac vest, or better yet, a P-90. He chanced a peek in Koyla's direction, hoping the man had run away in his usual cowardly fashion. No such luck. Koyla was eyeing him in a very peculiar manner.

Rodney wiped his face on his sleeve, cautiously watching Koyla's every move. The soldier's look of indecision ended abruptly, and with a sinking feeling, Rodney thought he probably wouldn't like whatever gave Koyla such a gleam in his eye.

Before Rodney could even think of evasion, Koyla had grabbed his wrists, tying them together with one of the black plastic tie wraps from Rodney's own vest.

McKay attempted to jerk away with little success. As if he weighed no more than a sack of potatoes, Rodney was slung over Koyla's shoulder, head and arms dangling down Koyla's back as his legs were kept forcefully immobile in a very firm grip. McKay squirmed, beating ineffectually on Koyla's back with his bound hands.

"Let go of me! What do you think you're doing!? Let go of me NOW!" McKay demanded.

"Be silent or I _will_ stun you, Doctor Meredith," Koyla said tersely, his grip tightening to painful proportions.

Rodney only had time to squeak a protest before Koyla took off at a brisk jog, completely knocking the wind out of him.

McKay bounced along, the situation painfully familiar now, and thought, 'I wonder if all women are treated like this, or am I just special no matter what gender I am?' He also thought, 'These bruises are NEVER going to heal.' But he figured that was his hypochondria talking… err… thinking.

They were out of the building now and McKay was just beginning to catch his breath as Koyla puffed, unintentionally slowing his pace to a trot. As Koyla turned for a moment, Rodney glimpsed the Stargate up ahead and his heart leapt into his throat. If Koyla made it through the gate with him…

He squirmed earnestly, his sudden motion throwing off Koyla's gait. Koyla snarled but didn't pause or waste his breath, increasing his speed once again as he half-slid down the sandy hill.

It wasn't until Koyla started dialing the DHD, the chevrons whirring into place one by one, that Rodney looked up. At the top of the hill a spot of black appeared, spiky hair standing straight up.

Sheppard's eyes met Rodney's, and in that split second, the whoosh of an active Stargate echoed against the hillside.

"Sheppard!!!" Rodney screamed at the top of his lungs, his voice high and cracking with stress. He reached out bound hands, as if Sheppard was only just out of reach.

Sheppard ran, his P-90 up and aimed, but Koyla didn't give him the opportunity. Without even turning around, he leapt through the gate. And it snapped off behind him.

And Sheppard was left behind, staring through the spot where his best friend just was. He had been close enough to see the tracks of tears down female-Rodney's dust covered face. Sheppard's hands trembled in a mixture of rage… and fear.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: In case you missed it, I rewrote part of Chapter 3 in Rodney's POV. Please reread if you have not already! Thanks! And thank you for all the positive reviews!!!

Chap 4

The trip through the Stargate was even more nauseating then usual. The only thing that kept Rodney from vomiting was the absence of any real food in his stomach. That, and the absolute, mind numbing fear of being kidnapped by Kolya.

Kolya dropped him on the hard dirt of the woodsy planet they had gated to. Rodney scowled upward, the urge to rub his sore stomach irresistible.

"So, what God-forsaken planet did you take me to, Kolya? Some hole-in-the-wall Genii hideaway? A radiation filled underground bunker in the middle of a pristine field?" Rodney snarked, keeping his eyes on Kolya as he crouched beside the DHD- ignoring him.

"What are you doing? I highly suggest you don't mess with that… unless you want to be stranded here permanently," Rodney said loudly as Kolya pried open the base of the mushroom shaped device.

Kolya yanked a delicate crystal from the DHD and Rodney fought his way to his feet, the bonds on his wrists making it exceedingly difficult to stand.

"Are you CRAZY!? That's a control crystal! Now you can't dial out! Put it back before you break it!" Rodney shrieked his voice nearly high enough to shatter the crystal.

Kolya smirked and sauntered towards Rodney- that crocodile smile on his face. Rodney swallowed and backed away, afraid that his big mouth had gotten him into more trouble.

"Now, Doctor, I hold ALL the cards. This planet," Kolya said, spreading his arms to encompass the entire area "has been abandoned for centuries. And I am the only one that knows the coordinates. And now that I have removed this," he said, letting the sun glint off the crystal in his hand "I am the only one capable of dialing out. So you see, Doctor, I know what I am doing."

Rodney's face paled for a moment, the news that he was stranded, ALONE, with the very man that had nearly taken over Atlantis, almost killed Weir, tortured him, and fed Sheppard to a Wraith was almost too much to take. And then the sun glinted off the crystal in Kolya's hand once more, and Rodney made a desperate, unthinking lunge.

And Kolya caught him with one hand, the collar of Rodney's blue t-shirt firmly in his grasp. Kolya laughed, chuckling wryly as he slipped the crystal into an inner pocket of his jacket.

"No, no, no, Doctor," Kolya said, spinning an irate, sputtering and red-faced Rodney around and shoving him gently away from the Stargate. "Let's you and I take a nice stroll, shall we?"

Kolya prodded McKay along ahead of him, a thin wildlife path through the woods marking the way.

McKay fussed under his breath for a few minutes before turning to full out nervous ranting. "You know, I really don't understand the purpose of dragging me here. I mean, what point is there to gating to an abandoned planet? Unless you are doing some super secret experiment that you think I'll help you with… And, by the way, what are we going to eat? I'm hypoglycemic, you know! I'm also allergic to citrus, and I'm sure this planet was abandoned for a reason. What is it? Man eating plants, poisonous creatures of every sort? I don't do 'nature' well either. I can tell you right now that sleeping 'under the stars' is completely out of the question!"

Kolya smirked when McKay glanced back apprehensively, abruptly remembering who he was ranting at.

"Don't worry, Doctor, I chose this planet for a reason," Kolya said. Just then, they came into a clearing, a small log cabin placed pleasing in the center, yellow sunshine glowing warmly on the white birch-like exterior and roof.

McKay stopped, surprised to find something so reminiscent of Earth on an abandoned alien planet.

"What? Who built this? I thought that this place was abandoned!?"

Kolya came to a standstill beside him, gaze on the small cottage, a genuine smile on his face for once.

"I built it, Doctor," Kolya said softly, deep in thought.

"You built it?! What, between invasions and torture you took a time out to build a vacation home?" McKay said sarcastically.

Kolya's face hardened once again, "It was a long time ago, Doctor. Come on," Kolya commanded, grabbing Rodney's upper arm and pulling him towards the house. Rodney could feel the fingerprint bruises forming on his arm from Kolya's tight grip, but said nothing, not liking the dark look that had abruptly clouded Kolya's face.

The wooden door opened with a quiet creak, no lock necessary. As they entered, they found the cabin dusty but well supplied. Kolya sat Rodney on the edge of the small bed in the corner as he surveyed their supplies.

"The dust is going to aggravate my allergies," Rodney noted to himself, almost sighing in relief at the opportunity to finally sit.

"Well, Doctor, you'll be pleased to know that we are well supplied for an extended stay," Kolya said, placing what looked like K-rations on the rough but surprisingly sturdy looking table. "We'll need water, of course. There is a small river not far from here." Kolya looked up from his inventory, the smirk returning. "I trust that you'll still be here when I return."

Rodney looked at him darkly, "No. I'm going to wander off on an alien planet to _possibly_ reach a _disabled_ Stargate before you catch up with me and _drag_ me back," Rodney said dryly, attempting without success to cross his bound arms in an expression of disgust.

"Good! Then we understand each other, Doctor," Kolya said, heading towards the door with a bag slung over his shoulder.

"Hey!" Rodney shouted as Kolya reached the doorway, raising his bound hands, Rodney gestured impatiently, "Since we're in agreement here, maybe you can take these off, huh?"

Kolya smirked, pulling out a long knife from his belt, to which Rodney paled, suddenly and intensely regretting his question.

"Of course, Doctor. I think we can dispense with those," Kolya said, standing uncomfortably close, looming over Rodney as he slid the knife between his wrists and sliced off the restraints. He stood over Rodney a moment longer before turning back to the door and leaving, the door creaking shut behind him.

"Thanks," Rodney squeaked and cleared his throat, rubbing his wrists to restore circulation… and avoid thinking.


	5. Chapter 5

Chap 5

When Kolya had been gone for about a minute, Rodney's highly intelligent brain sprang back into action.

He rose, brushed the dust off, and began a search. Maybe, if he could disable Kolya somehow, he could tie him up, take the crystal, and be home in time for dinner.

Searching the cabinets proved fruitless; there was no rope or anything to tie anyone up with, and nothing heavy enough to knock anyone out with. The two small chairs would shatter on impact, and Rodney wasn't going to risk Kolya's wrath on a 'maybe'. Everything else was too big, too small or too obvious. Rodney considered going out to look, but, then, what if Kolya caught him? How would he explain _that_ away?

Then Rodney ran across a small knife. Staring for a moment, Rodney at last snatched it up, concealing it quickly before Kolya walked in. For some reason, it gave him a small comfort that now he could at least defend himself. But the tiny knife was useless in Rodney's quest to disable Kolya. If only he could get his hands on some chemicals, or some electronics, or, heck, a stunner!

Rodney searched one last cabinet, hoping to find something of use; what he found, however, was a small, folded paper. Curious, Rodney sat on one of the delicate chairs and carefully opened the paper.

It was a photograph, sepia toned, showing a slim light-haired woman, a small, grinning boy, and a happy young man. What looked like a park was in the background, and there were other families there; playing catch, having picnics. Puzzled, Rodney looked closer. The man looked familiar. And then it hit him. That happy, grinning, carefree man was Kolya! Rodney stood abruptly, knocking the chair over in shock. Kolya had a family?!

The door flung open, and Kolya entered, lugging his heavily laden bag into the cabin. He looked first to the bed, and then his eyes scanned the room, promptly coming to rest on a frozen Rodney… and the tattered photo he held.

The bag dropped to the floor, and in two strides, Kolya was looming angrily over him, snatching the photo from his hand.

"Where did you get this?!" Kolya roared.

Rodney, startled and frightened, tried to back away; managing to fall backwards over the chair he had knocked over and landing heavily on his rear.

"I… I was just…" Rodney stuttered, scrambling for an answer that wouldn't get him killed.

Kolya stared at him; seemingly looking through him, then abruptly folded the photo and strode out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

Rodney suddenly regretted watching Silence of the Lambs with Sheppard last Friday night.

-000-

It was about an hour later when Kolya returned. Rodney had been pacing furiously, trying to think of ways to escape, trying to keep from thinking about the possible tortures Kolya would inflict when he returned, and wincing at every creak the cabin made as it settled. Kolya's return was actually something of a relief. Now he could stop thinking about what was going to happen and start feeling it… Okay, maybe it wasn't a relief, more like a change.

Kolya stomped in, knocking the dirt from his boots. Without looking up, he ambled to the kitchen area, took out a long knife, and started to skin the rabbit-like creature he had brought home earlier.

Rodney stood watching in silence, half-afraid to speak in case Kolya suddenly decided to turn and throw the knife.

"Can you make a fire, Doctor?" Kolya asked, his voice so calm that it almost didn't break through Rodney's thoughts.

"A f-fire? Um…" Rodney looked around, spotting the pile of firewood next to the fireplace in the corner. "Sure… I-I can do that," Rodney said, nodding as if to convince himself.

Kolya looked up as Rodney continued to stand there. "Well?" He asked.

"Oh! R-right. I just need some matches, or something," Rodney half-mumbled. Kolya sighed and pointed with the knife to the mantle, where several long matches lay expectantly.

Kolya went back to his cutting, and Rodney unfroze, moving to the fireplace. It took him a few tries, but he finally got it blazing. Kolya came over with a kettle in his hand, and Rodney looked up, half-grinning in pride at his accomplishment. Kolya's stern face looked back, and Rodney's smile evaporated as he abruptly remembered who he was with.

Rodney scooted out of the way as Kolya kneeled and placed the kettle on the fire. They both stayed close to the fire, as the sun had set and the temperature had dropped rapidly.

The silence was almost too much for Rodney to bear. He had never been a fan of long silences to begin with, and this awkward semi-intimate silence was very, very odd to say the least.

The urge to blurt out, "So, have you read any good books lately?" was sensibly repressed.

"It is done," Kolya said, lifting the kettle from the fire and taking it over to the table. Rodney followed a moment later, never one to tarry over food. Kolya sat the kettle down, retrieved two wooden bowls and spoons, and opened the lid.

The smell that wafted out was mouth watering, especially after the long fast Rodney had been forced into.

"Wow! That smells great!" Rodney said, peering curiously into the pot. Various root vegetables and hunks of meat floated in the appetizing stew.

Kolya grunted in reply, scooping out a portion and handing it to Rodney.

Rodney dug in immediately, and moaned happily as it tasted as good as it smelled. He wolfed it down with hardly a breath in between, scraping the bottom of the bowl in seconds.

Kolya was smirking when Rodney looked up, "Did you enjoy that, Doctor?"

For a moment, Rodney felt a little embarrassed, but only for a moment. "Yes, it was very good. May I have some more?" he asked hopefully, eyes glued on the kettle.

Kolya chuckled, his eyes softly looking past Rodney, "She always liked my cooking, she never failed to eat seconds," he muttered. Rodney looked up, confused.

"Um, Kolya?" Rodney said quietly, afraid to break whatever fugue he was in.

Kolya blinked and cleared his throat, "Yes, of course, Doctor Meredith. Here," he said, taking the bowl from Rodney's hand, their fingers brushing momentarily as he returned it.

Rodney ate slowly, watching cautiously from under his (now long) eyelashes. Kolya was staring at him, his eyes observing every move Rodney made. Finally, Rodney could no longer take it.

Slamming down the spoon, Rodney met Kolya's eyes. "Why are you staring at me?" he demanded, his voice squeaking a bit with tension.

Kolya leaned back, pressing his folded hands over his slightly protruding belly. "Do you know, Doctor Meredith, that you are a very beautiful woman?"

Rodney squeaked and cleared his throat before responding, "Uh, no… not really." Rodney paused for a moment and wide-eyed said, "Do you really think so?" Then Rodney suddenly remembered that Kolya did _indeed_ think he was pretty… And his affections were not something that Rodney wanted to encourage.

"Oh, I mean, I've got so many faults. Um, like, um, my eating habits, or my allergies, or the fact that I think I'm always right, even though most of the time I am, or, um…"

Kolya cut him off, chuckling. "Nonsense, Meredith." He leaned forward, eyes boring into Rodney's. "I'm sure that, with time, you can be properly… educated," Kolya said, croc smile at full power.

Rodney gulped and leaned away, a shiver running down his spine. He REALLY didn't like the sound of that.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: You asked for action… :p

Yay! I broke my review barrier! Let's shoot for a 100 people!

Chap 6

Kolya was currently washing out the cookware, a strangely domestic task for Rodney to witness Kolya doing.

It was cold, and the warmth from the stew was fading, so Rodney moved closer to the fireplace. The flickering glow of the fire, the constant soothing crackle, and the pervading warmth all joined together to make Rodney exceptionally drowsy.

Kolya finished the dishes, wiping his hands with a small towel, and glanced over to see Rodney, eyes almost closed, leaning against the side of the dwindling woodpile.

"We need more wood," Kolya said, breaking the silence. Rodney looked up, then blinked and shook his head, rising to his feet.

"Where," Rodney asked, yawn breaking his sentence, "Where is it?" he asked, asleep on his feet.

Kolya shook his head, "I have some in the woodshed. I'll get it," he turned to leave, and then looked back, "You should probably lie down," he said, smirking.

The door shut, an icy breeze creeping past to send a chill through Rodney's bones.

"Yah," Rodney yawned, "Lying down sounds really good right now." He followed words with action, stumbling to plop down into the bed with a sigh. The warmth of the fire reached over and seemed to stroke him, until he curled up, back to the fire, and drifted off.

(Okay, if that didn't make you sleepy…)

Kolya returned, kicking the door open gently, his arms full of firewood. He stood just inside for a moment, the door swinging shut behind him, and stared at the very strange, yet comfortable sight of a woman in his bed.

Abruptly remembering that she wasn't exactly here by request, he hardened. And yet, he was still careful to be quiet when he placed the firewood on the pile and fed the gently glowing fire.

Kolya went to the bed, standing over her slightly snoring figure. Sitting on the end of the bed, Kolya pulled off his heavy boots and shrugged off his woolen jacket, laying it across the back of the chair beside him. Then he slid his body up the bed, her face inches away from his.

Running his finger gently down the side of her face, Kolya glimpsed a sliver of sleepy blue eyes. Than he grabbed the back of her head and pulled her toward him, taking her lips.

He felt her cry of dismay vibrate tantalizingly against him, and she pushed away, falling off the edge of the bed with a heavy thud.

"What are you _doing_?!" Rodney cried, shaking with sudden adrenaline. That was not something he had _ever_ wanted to wake up to.

Kolya sat up on the edge of the bed, looking down at Rodney domineeringly.

"Why do you think I brought you here, Doctor? Certainly not for your quick wit," Kolya sneered.

"Well, you- you can't!" Rodney stated, trying to be firm as his voice cracked in terror.

Kolya stood, looming over the still seated Rodney.

"You are quite mistaken, Doctor. I can. And I _will_." Kolya's voice was ice cold, his face stone, and as he reached for Rodney, his hand seemed to stretch across the entirety of space.

Rodney scrambled backwards, coming to his feet as ungracefully and quickly as he could. He backed away; not daring to look around for fear that Kolya would make a move.

As his hands ran across the doorknob, Rodney suddenly remembered the knife he had discovered earlier. For a moment, he thought of attack- and then Kolya lunged.

Rodney twisted the doorknob and threw himself backwards, slamming the door shut as soon as he was through. Kolya's heavy body slammed into the door, nearly flinging Rodney to the ground.

Rodney braced himself and managed to force the door closed, and then shoved the knife in the crack. It wouldn't hold for long, but it was still a head start.

As Rodney ran into the dark woods, he wondered where exactly he was going to go.

-000-

Okay, this was _officially_ a bad idea. Not that staying with Kolya was even in the running, but it was DARK. There was no moon on this LAME planet, and the stars, though plentiful, were nearly always covered by the thick clouds.

He had lost the path long ago and was running blind now, his breath coming in gasps and grunts as his jacket got caught in the low hanging branches of the evergreens. As if to make this night worse, a howl split the darkness, muting the low coo of the night birds.

Rodney shivered and pulled his jacket closer. The dirt beneath his feet was quickly changing to a slippery half-frozen mud as he ran downhill.

After slipping spectacularly and sliding several feet on his rear, Rodney decided it was time for a break. Breathing heavily, he took stock. It was quick. No food. No weapons. Nowhere to go, nowhere to run to, baby, nowhere to hide! Rodney shook his head. He must be _really_ tired.

There was the crack of a branch, and the cooing fell silent.

Rodney tried to stay very still, hoping the darkness would work to his advantage and Kolya wouldn't be able to find him.

And then he heard the sniffing. Loud in the cold stillness, the huff of a large animal sounded very close.

Suddenly, Kolya didn't sound all that bad.

Rodney swallowed and hunched, trying to blend in. Maybe this animal hunted by sight, heck, if he was lucky, it was an herbivore and he was worrying about nothing. Then again if he was lucky, he wouldn't be stuck on an abandoned planet with Kolya.

As if to prove him right, the sniffing grew louder and a terrifyingly close howl sounded in his ears.

The clouds rolled away, and the dim light of the stars revealed a huge grey wolf, its mane bristled a meter high, its white teeth gleaming as it snarled, vibrating the ground.

"N-Nice doggy?" Rodney whimpered.

It pounced.


	7. Chapter 7

Chap 7

Rodney's scream ripped through the woods, echoing on the hillside.

The wolf's teeth ground into his forearm, and Rodney screamed in agony, trying ineffectually to beat off the wolf with his good left arm.

The wolf responded by gripping tighter, the sickening sound of teeth grating against bone rending Rodney nearly unconscious. As his flailing lessened, the wolf began to drag him across the slushy ground, a wide trail of blood and mud marking the few feet it had managed to pull him while his eyes were closed in pain and terror.

As the world began to fade out around him, the appearance of a man leaping on the wolf seemed but a dream; the vain imaginings of a doomed man.

Strange cursing in another language, the wet ripping sound of tearing flesh, the scent of fresh blood, and the sudden drop to the icy ground all mingled together to whisk Rodney off to darkness.

-000-

Rodney moaned as pain shot up his arm. Someone was carrying him.

"S-Sheppard?" he whimpered, hoping that he was being rescued. The man carrying him didn't answer, but the arms grew noticeably tighter.

The next thing Rodney knew was that he was lying down. The pain in his shoulder had decreased a lot, but he didn't feel the effects of the good drugs.

"Carson? Hey, Carson, where's the good drugs?" Rodney asked, squinting his eyes open against the harsh white light.

This was not the infirmary. Rodney blinked stupidly, looking around the small room in confusion. Where was he?

Movement from just outside the door alerted him to another's presence, and, just before the door opened, it all came flooding back.

Kolya, the Stargate, the woods, the wolf.

And then Kolya strode in, his forearm wrapped in a bandage, light pink spots bleeding through the white material. A new, thin scab marred his right cheek, almost tracing the old scar already present. He was shirtless, his broad chest crossed with dual scabbing, like two sharp nails had run shallowly across his chest from the nape of his neck to the last rib on his right side.

It was then, as Rodney tried to sit up, that he realized he was only covered by a blanket.

He clutched the blanket to himself with his good arm, feeling very exposed.

He was NAKED. With a shudder, he imagined Kolya's glee upon stripping his unconscious body. He didn't think Kolya would take any liberties with his body, at least not while he was injured and out of it. No, he thought, sickened, he'll want me _fully_ aware for that.

"Good morning, Doctor. I trust you are feeling better?" Kolya asked, striding into the room and shutting the door behind him, taking most of the bright sunlight out of Rodney's eyes.

"W-Where," Rodney asked, clearing his throat self-consciously, "are my clothes?"

Kolya made a face, shrugging slightly, "They were beyond repair. The blood would never come out."

"Oh," Rodney said quietly, "but… what am I going to wear?" He asked, half afraid the answer would be 'nothing'.

"We will deal with that," Kolya said moving closer, "when the time comes."

Rodney didn't know whether to be outraged or terrified, so he settled for both.

"When the TIME COMES?!" he shrieked, his voice coming out several octaves higher than it should have, "The time has COME. I need something to put on NOW!"

Kolya smirked, standing at the end of Rodney's bed. Then Kolya slipped his belt from its loops, letting it fall limply to the floor at his feet. As he started to unbutton his pants, Rodney's eyes widened.

"No, no! That's okay, I mean, I can figure something else out. I'll do a toga-thing with the blanket. There's really no need for you to give me your pants," Rodney fell silent, his throat closing up as Kolya showed no sign of hearing him.

Kolya's pants fell to the floor, and Rodney looked away, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground.

"Um, look, no offence, but I REALLY don't need to see that," Rodney choked out, about to vomit.

Then Kolya was there, body uncomfortably close, and Rodney clutched the blanket to himself, still not looking up. He squirmed backwards, intending to make his escape, blanket or no blanket.

And then a cord tightened painfully around his right ankle, preventing him from moving any further.

"W-What?!" Rodney asked in surprise, eyes shooting to his feet and then up to Kolya's eyes.

The smirk was still there as Kolya said, "A little insurance, Doctor, that there will be no more ill-fated night outings."

That was when Rodney truly began to panic.

"Oh, God!" Rodney moaned, his face losing what little color it had.

Kolya moved closer as Rodney started to hyperventilate.

"No, no! You don't understand! You-you CAN'T!"

"I can, Doctor," Kolya purred, growing ever closer.

"No, you can't! I won't let you!" Rodney said, almost dropping his death grip on the blanket as he raised his left arm in a defensive position.

Kolya chuckled, "You can't stop me," he said, firmly pushing down Rodney's arm with two fingers.

Tears worked their way into Rodney's eyes now, "I-I've never h-had sex with a man before," he whimpered, halfway hoping to gain some sympathy and halfway as an honest declaration of terror, anything to stop Kolya from continuing.

Kolya paused for a moment, seeing the brutal honesty in the woman's statement. Then his fingers brushed gently over her cheek, wiping away some of her tears.

"I see," he said softly.

Rodney looked up, suddenly hopeful.

Kolya continued, "I'll take that into account."

Rodney's terror reappeared- with reinforcements. He had one last desperate and almost suicidal hope.

"K-Kolya, you have to stop. You don't understand! I'm not who you think I am! I'm really…"

And Rodney was silenced as Kolya kissed him, and took things 'into account'.

AN: Please let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

Chap 8

Sheppard stomped into the conference room, upset that he had been pulled from his search, Ronon following on his heels.

"What's so important?" Sheppard demanded, facing Weir and Teyla, arms crossed.

"Good morning, John," Teyla said softly.

Sheppard sighed and nodded toward her abashedly, loosening his arms to let them fall to his sides.

"Sorry," he mumbled, settling into a chair, forcing his body into a relaxed position.

Weir came around the desk and leaned against the edge.

"Has there been any news about Rodney?" she asked.

Sheppard shook his head, fire burning in his eyes, "No. We've offered rewards and distributed photos on every friendly planet. But not even a whisper. It's like he's just… disappeared."

Weir and Teyla shared a look before standing, presenting a unified front.

"John, you may have to face the fact that, if we do retrieve Rodney… He won't ever be the same," Weir said softly.

John's eyes glowed dangerously and he sat up straight, "He'll be fine. We just have to find him, that's all!"

"John!" Teyla interjected, her face grim, "You do not understand. Rodney was not himself when he was captured, and, as much as we would all like to deny it, this galaxy is not easy on women."

"What are you saying?" Sheppard asked, rising from his seat, his voice tight.

Ronon's hand on his shoulder made him glance back at his silent colleague.

"They're right, Sheppard. I've seen a lot of things that could break a person beyond repair," Ronon grumbled.

"And if that person was already in a vulnerable position…" Weir interjected.

Sheppard backed away from them all, fists curled at his sides, "What are you saying? We should just give up on him?!"

"No!" Weir cried, her impassioned voice cracking slightly, "I'd never ask you to do that. I… WE just wanted to make sure you knew what to expect when you DO find him."

Sheppard's voice hardened, "I know what to expect, Elisabeth. I've been a prisoner of Kolya's, remember?"

Weir winced, but didn't give up. "Yes, and what he did to you was terrible. But think about it for a minute, John. He knew who you were and had a use for you. Do you really think he took Rodney for a similar reason?"

"Of course!" Sheppard said, "He needed Rodney's brain. It's as simple as that. That's why he hasn't tried to ransom him, he'll get what he needs, and then he'll be up to his old tricks again. We need to find Rodney before it gets to that point."

"Colonel!" Weir interrupted as Sheppard turned to leave, "You are still not getting it. We are _not_ telling you that Rodney may snap under torture. What we _are_ telling you is that Kolya may not know he has Rodney! In fact, from what info you've gathered, I'd say it was a pretty sure bet that he took him through the Stargate without knowing who he was. What does that tell you, John?"

Sheppard paled, finally realizing what she meant. "No," he shook his head, "Rodney would tell him who he was _long_ before it would get to that point."

"But would Kolya listen? I mean, _really_, a female Rodney? Who would believe it?" Weir asked.

Sheppard shook his head in denial, "No. Rodney would find a way, would prove it. He'd make sure Kolya knew just how much he was worth," Sheppard said with a small smile, reflecting on Rodney's raging ego.

"You're right; given the chance, I'm sure Rodney would manage to prove it." Weir paused, and then continued heavily, hating to say the words, "But when a rape occurs, there's usually little time for words."

Sheppard staggered back, the rape word echoing sickly in his head, "No," he said looking down and rubbing his eyes harshly, as if to erase the image. He looked up and met Weir's eyes, "I'll find him. He'll be FINE," Sheppard said sharply before striding quickly from the room.

Ronon stood there a moment longer before following.

-000-

Ronon found him in the gym, back to the door, beating the stuffing out of a heavy punching bag. Without the protection of gloves, Sheppard's knuckles were raw and bleeding, the blood drooling slowly down the black leather bag.

Ronon watched from the doorway for a little while, until Sheppard's arms grew too heavy to lift and he clutched the bag in a giant bear hug, hiding his face against the leather.

"Sheppard," Ronon said softly, coming to stand beside him. When he didn't respond, Ronon grabbed his shoulder and pulled him around to face him.

Tears and sweat coated Sheppard's face, and he made a valiant effort to wipe his face with his bloody hands, leaving only pink streaked tears in their wake.

In an unusual gesture of compassion, Ronon crushed Sheppard into a hug, the smaller man's face pressing into Ronon's chest. For a moment, Ronon thought that Sheppard was going to pull away, and then he seemed to lose all his energy and leaned heavily into him, fists pressing against Ronon's back.

He started to talk, turning his head so that the whispered words came out unhampered.

"It's my fault. I told him he needed to get out. I MADE him come with us. And then, I wouldn't listen to him! If only I hadn't had him take watch, if only I had let him stay here." John's arms tensed and he gritted his teeth, "If only I had killed Kolya!" he snarled, shaking in anger.

John pulled away and started to pace in front of an ever-silent Ronon.

"It's my fault! If anything happens to him, I…" John looked up then, eyes haunted, "I don't know what I'll do," he looked to Ronon for answers, feeling helpless.

"You'll keep going. You'll find him. You'll fix him."

"But, what if he's…" John started, and was interrupted.

"There is no other option," Ronon stated brusquely, his voice lowly grumbling.

John pondered this for a moment, and then stood up, fists pressed into his hips.

"Let's go," Sheppard said, striding quickly out of the gym and towards the Stargate, Ronon following right on his heals.

-000-

AN: Thought you might enjoy a glimpse of what was happening back at the ranch… Think of it as a breather, lol!


	9. Chapter 9 NS

AN: Okay, people- here is where we stand. There have been some VERY good suggestions (thank you Ellex and Kateari) and I am torn. I want to do a serious story- keeping the characters firmly in voice, but, as Ellex put it, I also want to do a melodrama. So, I have decided to do both. From now on I will alternate chapters- slashy and non-slashy versions. I will label them so it is clear which is which. I think that will satisfy us all, right people? And btw, the last line of Chapter 7 was intentionally vague for just this purpose. No lynch mob, please! Here we go…

Chap 9 (Non-slashy (NS))

Rodney tried to suppress a scream of fear and loathing as Kolya's lips pressed down hungrily. Kolya had ripped the blanket away, and the contact of their two bodies inspired revulsion beyond anything Rodney had ever experienced.

Rodney squirmed, the rope gripping his ankle tightly. As Kolya's hands started to roam down his body, Rodney couldn't take anymore.

Disregarding his injury, McKay shoved Kolya with all his might, effectively tossing him to the floor.

With a surprised grunt, Kolya landed heavily on the wooden floor, staring up at the exposed rafters in astonishment.

His breath coming in pants of pain and fear, Rodney scurried to the end of the bed and worked feverishly at untying the rope that was digging into his ankle.

His eyes flicked manically from the rope to Kolya, who still lay, bewildered, on the floor.

As Kolya rose slowly to his feet, McKay's frantic fingers sped up, tearing his nails until they bled, the tight knot turning red under his manic ministrations.

Kolya's hand gripped his left wrist, the iron grip stopping Rodney cold.

"Let go!" Rodney snarled, yanking at his arm without looking up or even ceasing in his struggle to escape.

Kolya grabbed his right shoulder, forcing him to stop tearing at the knot and face him.

Rodney's face twisted in anger, his eyes still not focusing on Kolya but skittering around the room, looking for any escape like a cornered animal.

Without a word, Kolya held him still.

After a few seconds, Rodney's breathing calmed to mere hyperventilation and his eyes lingered a little longer on Kolya's face, looking for a tale-tell expression that would give him some information on the man's next move.

What he found confused him, and his eyes lingered on Kolya's eyes, seeing something that he had never seen in the man's eyes before.

Respect.

Rodney opened his mouth to speak, but to his consternation, all that came out was a weak sob. His body shuddered, quaking with unexpressed adrenaline. He pulled at his left arm again, wanting to wipe away the tears he felt embarrassingly running down his face.

Without breaking eye contact, Kolya finally spoke.

"You're bleeding, Meredith," he said softly, barely audible.

It took a moment for Rodney to process his words. And then he looked down, noticing for the first time the blood that ran from his fingertips and from under the bandage on his arm to stain the bed beneath him.

"Oh," Rodney squeaked and looked back up.

Kolya moved then, releasing his right shoulder to stroke across Rodney's cheek.

Rodney snarled, instinctively baring his teeth, and raised his injured arm, bringing it, bleeding, into a defensive position.

And then Kolya did something that Rodney did not expect.

He laughed. Not the evil cackle Rodney had previously heard, but a deep belly laugh of satisfaction and surprise.

And then Kolya stood and slid on his pants. Rodney was frozen, watching in shock- dumbfounded.

Kolya returned with fresh bandages and a long shirt.

Pulling up a chair, he sat in front of Rodney, still huddled on the bed. Gently taking Rodney's injured arm, Kolya unwrapped the bloody bandage, rewrapping it with a fresh one.

When that was completed, Kolya handed Rodney the rough brown shirt. Quickly, scarcely taking his eyes off Kolya, Rodney slipped on the shirt, arranging it so it covered everything. It was amazing how much better he felt with that simple covering. In control. Protected. Of course, his brain supplied, he didn't actually have any more control now than he had ever had, but at least he felt better about it.

Covering his breasts with his injured arm, Rodney shifted awkwardly on the bed, his ankle still tied tightly. Kolya continued staring, a very odd blank expression on his face. Rodney couldn't stand it anymore. He had to know.

"W-Why did you stop?" he asked, his voice unintentionally quivering. He attributed it to adrenaline.

Kolya didn't answer, still staring.

Rodney continued, his mouth now on overdrive- go directly to mouth, do not pass brain, do not collect $500.

"I mean, y-you could have. I-I couldn't stop you. I'd still fight, though!" he added sharply, "But, I mean, you, you… You still could," Rodney finally fell silent, his brain finally connecting that a reoccurrence was not improbable.

Kolya shifted uncomfortably, and Rodney swallowed, readying himself for anything.

"That picture you found. That was my wife and son," Kolya said quietly.

"O…kay," Rodney said, drawing out the word, unsure of where this was leading, "What happened to them?"

Kolya sat forward, his hands folded in front of him, as if to keep them from lashing out.

"The wraith took my son. He was eleven."

"I'm sorry," Rodney said sincerely, hating to be reminded of the children the Wraith had taken. Contrary to his familiar ranting, Rodney had a bit of a soft spot for kids. "And your wife?"

Kolya leaned back, a familiar look of hatred descending upon his face, "She was murdered, Doctor."

Rodney's eyes widened, "Murdered? What for?"

"As you probably know, Doctor, the radiation on our world makes most of the women infertile. That my wife had a child, and a son at that, made her… a prized commodity," Kolya said bitterly.

"Oh, no," Rodney muttered, sure of where this was going, and now highly sensitive to the subject.

"They took her and raped her," Kolya bared his teeth in a silent snarl, "She fought them. Two were permanently damaged. But she paid the price for her insolence. They killed her," Kolya finished, his haunted eyes looking beyond Rodney now.

As the silence lengthened, Rodney cleared his throat and asked the question that had been eating at him since he had been taken through the gate.

"Why did you take me?"

Kolya's eyes sharpened as he looked at her.

"What?" he asked.

"You said that I was bait for Sheppard. But when he came, you took me instead. Why?" Rodney asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Sheppard," Kolya growled, "Is a pain in the prosita!" Kolya looked at Rodney intently for a moment, as if making a decision. "But if you must know, I was not prepared for his arrival. I'm afraid… I was distracted."

"Distracted?" Rodney asked in the silence, ignorant of Kolya's meaning.

Kolya chuckled, the woman was hard to compliment. "You, Doctor. I am attracted to you. That is why I took you."

"Oh!" Rodney exclaimed, "Oh, okay… But- But w-why did you stop, then?" He hated to ask, but he had to know, especially after Kolya's confession.

Kolya stood and went to the door, opening it. He paused at the doorway, turning slightly towards the woman on the bed.

"When there was no hope, Meredith, you fought anyway."


	10. Chapter 9 S

Chap 9 (Slashy Version (S))

AKA melodramatic version. Rated T, for safety's sake.

-000-

Kolya was on top of him now, and the blanket was long gone- ripped from Rodney's desperate clutches.

He couldn't breathe. The feeling of a large man against his bare skin was so bizarre- it was utterly inconceivable.

And, as Rodney felt the miniscule distance between them degrade, he cried out in terror.

"Get off of me!!!" he screamed, bucking his body wildly, ignoring the tearing sensation in his ankle and forearm.

But the man on top of him barely budged, his rough hands gripping tightly, imprinting fingerprint bruises on Rodney's ribcage.

As Rodney opened his mouth, whether to scream or try to blurt out his true identity once again, Kolya's tongue injected itself roughly, gagging him.

Rodney's hands flailed wildly, gripping Kolya's back, leaving claw marks from his short nails.

And, though he had been expecting it, railing against it, trying with every fiber of his being to deny, rebuff, and refuse it- _it_ happened.

The shock was so great, so strange, so _against_ that for a moment, Rodney felt as though he was floating above his body, watching as the frail female body he inhabited was violated by the far larger man, the man's moan of satisfaction eerily recognizable.

Rodney snapped back, pain drawing him in like a rubber band stretched too far.

Kolya was laying half-on him, panting and sweating, his fingers caressing the sensitive skin between Rodney's breasts.

Rodney turned his head to look at him, disbelief written on every feature.

Kolya's hand ran down Rodney's stomach, tracing circles below her navel.

"Perhaps," Kolya said, catching his breath, "next time you will allow me to make it more enjoyable for you."

Rodney did not bother to suppress a horrified shudder.

Unknown to Rodney, Kolya translated it as a thrill of excitement.

-000-

Trying to sleep in Kolya's arms was like trying to sleep in the clutches of a serpent, but, as exhausted physically and mentally as Rodney was, his body left him no options.

When he awoke, he had the faint hope that this had all been some elaborate and psychologically scarring nightmare, but the rough hands lying over his hips belayed that wishful assumption.

He barely resisted the urge to break into tears, his body shivering mightily. He was going to vomit. Curling up the best he could without allowing any part of his body to press against Kolya's, Rodney wished with all his might that Sheppard would come busting in the door and kill the SOB lying next to him.

He had been raped. Never in his wildest and most horrific dreams had he imagined this scenario. And he was king of 'worst possible things that could happen'. Rodney shuddered harder, quivering so hard that it was quite surprising he didn't wake the man lying behind him.

The man.

Kolya.

Of all the people- anyone would have been… but HIM! Like he hadn't been featured in enough of Rodney's nightmares before this!

Rodney laid like that for a long while, trapped in his thoughts, always circling back to that horrible moment. Ignoring it when Kolya rose from the bad. Ignoring the calloused hand that brushed across her forehead. Ignoring the blanket carefully placed around her. Staring resolutely at the wall; unseeing, unmoving, shivering.

And, as much as Rodney would like to blame Kolya, the longer he thought about it, the more he realized- it wasn't Kolya's fault. He was simply a man- a rough, uncivilized, brutal man, but a man nonetheless. How many times had Rodney, himself, taken a woman with barely a thought towards her, not without permission, of course, but with just as little thought?

No. There was one person responsible for this. Sheppard. He was the one who forced him to leave the safety of Atlantis; he was the one who forced him to wander away, who wouldn't listen to his warnings, who made him take that first watch, _who let Kolya take him through the gate._

Why didn't he stop him?! He didn't even try! That gun he was always bragging about, the same gun that had missed Elizabeth's head to free her from Kolya's grasp; that SAME gun, in those SAME hands, had failed to shoot. Failed to try. And why? Rodney thought bitterly. Because I am not Elizabeth. Because I am not worth saving.

Well, screw him. Screw them all. They were too slow; too busy _sleeping_ to rescue him in time. And screw this silence. NOTHING was worth this. So Kolya would know he was McKay, so he would probably torture him for information on Atlantis. So what? Like THIS wasn't torture? And what for? To protect a bunch of ungrateful, unhelpful, useless…

Carson's face flashed in front of his eyes, Teyla's soft eyes and swollen stomach, Radek's crooked smile of discovery.

Not all of them. They weren't all useless. Some of them where his friends. He couldn't give them up. And if Kolya knew… There was no way he could keep from telling that man anything he wanted to know. The only thing that had stopped him so far was the fact that he had not been asked a single question.

With the images of his friends in his mind, Rodney resolved that Kolya would never find out the truth. No matter what.

Besides, Rodney thought, mentally chuckling, what worse thing could Kolya do to him?

-000-

Rodney regretted asking the question.

The time had moved interminably while Rodney was deep in thought, and, now, the darkness was once again in full force. They had eaten- some concoction that Kolya had thrown together while Rodney was oblivious.

And now, it seemed, Rodney was about to have his mettle tested. But I'm not made of metal, Rodney thought dizzily as Kolya once again stripped and approached the bed.

Rodney gulped and pressed himself into the wall, the trembling starting once more.

"Not again, not again, not again," Rodney chanted to himself, unaware he was speaking at all.

Kolya paused, settling on the edge of the bed, slowly eying Rodney's lithe female body.

"Perhaps, Doctor," Kolya said softly, sliding the blanket from Rodney's grasp, "this time you will allow me to make it pleasurable for you?" he asked rhetorically.

Rodney, pressed into the wall, his injured arm covering his breasts, closed his eyes and held his breath, somehow hoping that if he was motionless enough, Kolya would lose interest.

No such luck. Rodney winced as Kolya drew close, running his fingers down her body. Kolya's breath was hot on her neck, the puffs of warm air raising goose bumps.

Kolya's lips ran slowly down her collarbone and hovered at the base of her throat, causing her to swallow roughly. Rodney's trembling intensified.

Gently pushing aside her injured arm, Kolya's large calloused hands ran across her breasts, barely brushing the sensitive skin.

Rodney forgot how to breathe as Kolya's lips followed his hands. A moan of pleasure threatened to erupt before being frantically suppressed by a supremely male mind.

99, not prime. 67, prime. 1,462…

Then Kolya's hands stroked the tender skin of her inner thighs, his tongue flicking out…

And Rodney's mind was overwhelmed.

With a moan of pleasure, Meredith pulled Kolya closer. Her fingers digging into his back for purchase as she drew him in with a growl of possessiveness. Finally opening her eyes to see a triumphant smirk on Kolya's face- before it was replaced by a look of glazed bliss.

-000-

AN: Oo… Okay. That was strange to write. Tell me what you think, please! Btw- I'm listening to Dido's 'Don't Leave Home'… It fits, in a very weird way.


	11. Chapter 10 NS

AN: Okay people, listen up! Re the last chapter (slashy), I do not condone rape in ANY form or fashion. Frankly, I don't know how it could even enter your mind that I did. This is a fiction story, and the PTB have done things almost to that level to the actual TV characters themselves (i.e. experimenting on a pregnant woman). I CLEARLY labeled my chapters so they would not be offensive to anyone that did not want to read anything of a sexual nature. I have upped the rating on this story to a T, just to be safe, even though those chapters that require a T rating are clearly labeled as such. Also, Doctor McKay's 'enjoyment' of said rape is a defense mechanism, aka a 'fugue'. In stressful situations, some (actual) people have been known to switch gender roles and lose all or some of their long-term memories- frequently disappearing on loved ones. It is actually quite an interesting psychological study, but I'm not going to get into that now. Also, regarding Rodney's rationalization of Kolya being 'not that (bad) different' from him- it is just that. A _rationalization_. It has no basis in truth; it is simply a part of another psychological issue (Stockholm Syndrome) in which the captive connects emotionally with the captor in intense situations, frequently defending the captors actions. For all those that understood that already, I apologize for this _long_ author's note. Sorry. Now, let us continue.

Chap 10- Non-slashy

Rodney was still staring at the door, his mouth open in confusion.

His brain was spiraling in a constant cycle of questions- why did he stop, what will happen now?

"Okay, there is no way that should have worked," Rodney said to himself, absently pulling on the rope around his ankle. He shook his head, snapping himself out of it.

"Ok, now what? I just sit here, looking pretty? I know he said he was attracted to me, but this is ridiculous, what am I, some kind of a decoration?! Well, I'm not gonna just sit around waiting for something else to happen!" Rodney said determinedly, "I'm smarter than Kolya; I should be able to think my way out of this mess." He looked down at his tied ankle.

"First things first; I've got to get Kolya to free me." Rodney's eyes lit up with a sudden idea. "So he's attracted to me… I can use that." He frowned, "Of course, I can't go too far… but a little feminine wile should be just the ticket." As he formed his plan, he began to grin.

-000-

Kolya returned from his hunt to find the woman asleep on the bed. She sat up at his entrance and stretched- the shirt she wore slipping up just slightly. Kolya's eyes flickered to the shapely legs, settling for a moment.

Internally, Rodney grimaced, but he didn't react, sitting up and pulling slightly on his trapped ankle.

Setting down the bag, Kolya sat in the chair facing the bed.

The woman's gaze flicked up, the large blue eyes holding Kolya's for a moment before she looked down shyly, still pulling on her ankle.

"I would release you, if I knew that you were not going to run," Kolya said softly, unconsciously trying to catch her gaze once more. She looked up hopefully, her eyes wide and moist.

"I… I won't, now. Before, I just couldn't stand the thought…" she said softly, fading as she looked away again.

Kolya's voice tightened, "Of being with me?" he asked.

She looked up, blue eyes wide again, "Of being with anyone!" she cried, turning away to wipe at her eyes and sniff slightly.

Taken aback, Kolya lifted her chin with his hand, gently forcing her to look at him. "Why?" he asked softly, peering into her eyes.

Tears started to form, and she sniffed once again, "It's just that… I was going with a man for a while. A soldier. We decided that we were going to wait until we were married, but then… he died." She yanked her head away and crossed her arms angrily, "He was always taking chances!" she muttered, her eyes closed tightly.

Kolya sat back, thoughtful. "This, soldier, he served under Sheppard?"

She looked up, surprised, "Of course! They all do."

Kolya leaned forward, "And do you blame Sheppard for his death?"

She looked away guiltily, "Of… of course not."

Kolya smirked, "You should," he said, watching her intently.

She looked up and frowned, "He could have made his own choices. He could have disobeyed. He was an adult!"

Kolya chuckled, sitting back and shaking his head, "You know nothing of soldiers, do you?"

Her eyes lit up with an angry fire, "I know they're always taking stupid chances, risking their lives for no reason! They have a suicide wish!"

Kolya laughed, "Indeed! Some more than others." He stood, leaning over her slightly. "You have a lot to learn, Doctor." He whispered in her ear, pulling a knife from nowhere and cutting the rope, releasing her.

She gulped, her eyes wide, apparently not realizing he had a knife handy. "Thank y-you." She stuttered, sitting up fully as he pulled away.

Kolya put away the knife, disappearing it back to where it had originated. He smiled tightly, "I suggest you do not betray my trust, Doctor, or you will learn more about soldiers than you ever wanted to know."

She nodded quickly, rubbing her arm, as if from a phantom pain.

-000-

The time passed oddly, to say the least. Rodney decide his best bet was to get Kolya to trust him, so he tried to keep his mouth shut and cooperate… and milk this dead boyfriend thing. Anything to keep Kolya hands off.

Unfortunately, there was nothing Rodney could do about the leering, but that was marginally tolerable.

Oddly enough, Rodney found himself beginning to respect Kolya. Without the constant threat of death or rape, he realized that Kolya was very, very smart. For a soldier.

They had decided that they needed a water pump, sick of carting water in puny buckets. Rodney immediately took charge, forming the plans and specifications, assuming, of course, that Kolya would do the grunt work.

To Rodney's astonishment, Kolya came up with a couple of impressive improvements, including one that would allow twice the volume to be pumped in half the time. In turn, Rodney liked to think he had impressed Kolya, finding and cutting the local version of bamboo to use for pipes.

Rodney was not sure of the actual passage of time, as there wasn't exactly a calendar or watch handy, and the days seemed a little shorter here, but the wounds from the wolf-thing were nearly healed, the scars pink.

The bad thing was, as time passed, Kolya grew more impatient. He sat closer now, when they talked during the cold nights, and while they worked, he eyed Rodney with disturbing regularity.

Rodney, in turn, grew used to wearing the long skirts Kolya provided… not that he had much of a wardrobe selection. It was becoming disconcertingly easy to pretend to be friendly. The only real barrier being the memory of a certain knife, a certain wraith, and the lecherous looks thrown his way.

The night fell once again, and they were sitting in front of the fire, warming their chilled hands.

"Meredith?" Kolya asked, breaking the silence.

Rodney looked over, raising an eyebrow, "Yes?"

"I was thinking. I feel that we have grown closer…" Kolya trailed off, looking intently at Rodney.

Rodney shifted, suddenly uncomfortable, the fear returning. "What are you saying?" he asked quietly, looking into the fire, peripheral vision on Kolya.

"I'm asking you, Meredith, if you'll be with me."

Rodney nearly fell off the chair, his mouth dropping open. He cleared his throat before responding, "B-be with you? I-I… can't," he said, crossing his arms protectively. He looked up, half-wincing in the expectation of an explosion.

Kolya stood, pacing angrily. He looked over, his face hard, "I could take you, you know? Anytime I wanted to, I could have. I _chose_ to ask."

"I-I know," Rodney said softly, still cringing.

Kolya stopped, his gaze fully on her, "I will not let you return to your people, Doctor!" he said harshly.

Rodney looked down, hands wringing. "I-I was hoping, Aca, that eventually you would."

"Don't call me that!" Kolya roared, looming in front of her, using his mass to intimidate, "Only my wife could call me that!"

Rodney gasped as Kolya yanked him to his feet, his angry face inches away.

"I WILL take you now!" Kolya growled.

Her blue eyes widened, then narrowed, angry.

"You WILL not!" she said boldly, "I KNOW you now, Kolya. I know you don't want us to end up like that! And you know me! Do you think I'll just take it?! I WILL fight, Kolya! And you may win, but at what price?" She pushed closer, shoving against him, "Are you willing to kill me, Kolya? Because that's what it will come to, I guarantee it!" she said lowly, her voice a snarl.

His hand wrapped around her throat, the fingers encircling her thin neck. His face was blank, and, even as her face turned red, she didn't drop her gaze, still confronting him. Her eyes started to roll back before he let go, and she stumbled back, gulping in air.

She glared, rubbing her throat, "Happy, now?" she croaked, "Once again, you've proven you could kill me, and, once again, you've failed to. Why don't you just kill me? Give me freedom, or give me death," she spat, striding forward once again, presenting her bruised neck.

Kolya squinted, looking down at her, the blonde hair just brushing the collar of her simple dress, her bright blue eyes alight. She was beautiful. Kolya took her arm, pulling her close.

"I want you, Meredith. I get what I want," he said, and then he released her and walked away.

Rodney rubbed his bruised throat, wondering briefly where the sudden burst of bravery had come from.

It was time to leave.

-000-

AN: I'm listening to Natalie Imbruglia's 'Torn'. "Cold and chained, lying naked…" lol! And Destiny's Child – I'm a Survivor for the last part.

I got stuck with this chapter; I thought Rodney didn't sound girly enough, so I asked my mom what I should have him say. She said, "Just say what you would say. You are a female Rodney. But you're nicer… sometimes." LOL! (She was serious!)


	12. Chapter 10 S

AN: Broke 100 reviews! Woo Hoo! Thank you all for reviewing and shattering my all-time record! I reward you with a long (for me) chapter.

Chap 10- Slashy version

Meredith awoke, her body aching pleasurably. For a moment, she was unaware of where she was. She blinked sleepily, looking around. She was in a small cabin, lying on a small bed, her body warmed by the ray of sunlight that beamed onto her legs and the warm body that pressed into her back, the body's arm draped possessively across her midsection.

The body behind her shifted; the face, once buried in her shoulder, turned slightly revealing a scarred visage, hard even in sleep.

Kolya.

His name was Kolya, she remembered suddenly. She remembered more then, the name revealing scattered memories. He had saved her from a wolf. She fingered the bandages on her arm.

She had been… running away? From what, she wondered. And then she remembered someone else. A man. Sheppard, her mind supplied. He had left her? He was chasing her! She wasn't quite sure, but she knew that he was _bad_ somehow.

"Meredith?" Kolya mumbled, awakening.

She turned to face him; their chests pressed together, his leg draped over hers. Her wide blue eyes looked at him trustingly.

He was only half-awake, his brown eyes squinting against the sunlight.

"Kolya?" she whispered, afraid she had remembered wrong the second she said his name, her stomach clenching in apprehension until his lips twitched upwards.

"I told you I could make it enjoyable," he said, stretching his long, darkly tanned body like a sunning cat. The thought made Meredith smile, although she wasn't quite sure why- a vague sense of comfort came with the word cat.

He chuckled, brushing the short blonde hair back from her round face. He was surprisingly happy to see her smile, even absently, her thoughts clearly elsewhere.

"So, I assume this means I won't have to use this anymore?" he asked, brushing his foot against her tied ankle.

She looked down, surprised. She hadn't realized she was tethered to the bed. She looked back up, confused.

"Why would I need to be tied up?" she asked, bewildered.

Kolya chucked again, nodding as he sat up.

"Exactly," he said, sliding into his pants, cinching up the belt. He returned to the bed and slipped a knife from his pocket, slicing through the cord.

"Thank you," she said softly, sitting up, still a bit confused. He simply grunted in response, shrugging on his shirt and wool coat.

Meredith remembered that coat, its rough fabric pressing into her chest, his hot breath warm against her lips. Her hand moved to her lips unconsciously, brushing against the tender skin.

Kolya looked over at her, his eyes roaming down her body with obvious hunger. And she watched him, noting as his eyes lingered even as he moved towards the doorway. It gave her a sort of warm tingle- to be wanted.

She stood then, and looked around for some clothes of her own, so she could follow him.

"Where," she asked, "are my clothes?" For she saw nothing else on the floor of the small cabin.

Kolya looked as though he was seriously debating whether to give her any clothes, his body satisfied to see her as is, but his mind prevailed.

"I will find you something to wear," he said simply, leaving quietly before she could respond.

Meredith stood there for a moment, and then started to look around. She had done this once before, she remembered, looking for something. She had found a… photo. But that had made Kolya angry. She didn't want to make him angry.

Meredith ran across a small shaving mirror, its reflection dulled with age. She peered into it, finding it strange that her reflection seemed unfamiliar. She looked a lot like her sister, she thought. She blinked in surprise. She hadn't remembered she had a sister- named Jeanie, her mind supplied- married to a man named Miller with a kid- a daughter.

The same dirty blonde hair- too short- the same large blue eyes and round face- the same _athletic_ build. Only, Meredith thought, it was more like possibly athletic, too loose to be called that- the skin fair, and the nails too short.

And Kolya was back, the door swinging open with the dull screech of rusty metal hinges, long disused. In his arms were a long brown skirt, a lighter brown shirt, and a pair of dusty black boots.

"Here," he said, laying them on the bed, "this is all I have. It will have to do, for now." He looked up at her, assessing her thoughts.

Meredith smiled tightly, her eyes on the boots. They were from… before. She didn't like them. But they would have to do.

"They will be fine," she assured him, her bare feet padding across the worn wooden floor. Fingering the rough material, she hid a wince as she pulled on the long skirt, its hem hovering just above her ankles. The shirt was made of slightly finer threads, and she buttoned it slowly. It was a size too small, her breasts slightly smashed, but Kolya didn't seem to mind, watching intently as she dressed. The boots she left for last, perching on the edge of the bed to tie up the long laces, her fingers acting on their own as if highly accustomed to the procedure.

She stood, smoothing out the wrinkles, and faced Kolya.

"Well?" she asked, searching his still face for a reaction. He nodded slowly, and then seemed to snap out of his thoughts, quickly standing and striding to the door.

"Come, Meredith," he commanded, "We have work to do."

Obediently she followed.

-000-

Meredith worked hard, trying to please him. It was very important not to make him angry, she remembered, though she was not sure why exactly. She just accepted it, as she accepted all things. Except the boots. She hated the boots.

As she grew more comfortable with Kolya, she began to ask if, maybe, there was something else, something more feminine, something _not black_. She hated black.

After one particularly pleasurable night, she felt brave enough to ask one more time.

"Acastus?" she whispered, using his first name sparingly as always.

He moaned, still panting slightly, his body draped over hers, his fingers dancing along her hip.

"Could we, please, get something else for me to wear tomorrow?" She held her breath, expecting the same reaction she got every time she asked- cold silence and a glare.

He pulled away, his eyes wide in the darkness. He contemplated her, his eyes boring into hers as if reading her motivations. Finally, with a slight sigh of exasperation, he nodded.

She squealed, wrapping her arms around him and kissing him soundly.

He shook his head and chuckled, the low sound vibrating sensually along her skin. They still had plenty of night left before tomorrow.

-000-

The sun had barely risen above the horizon, the warm sunlight just creeping through the thick trees, and yet Meredith was up and dressed, ready to go. In fact, she was bouncing on the balls of her feet, her excited energy impossible to quell.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" she chattered excitedly, her lips running up Kolya's chest until she hovered over his sleeping face, her face centimeters from his. She breathed heavily for a moment, staring into his closed eyes.

Kolya's eyes popped open suddenly, and she let out a screech as his arm grabbed her, yanking her back to the bed. He had her pinned under him, and she hit his chest ineffectually, her small fists bouncing off harmlessly.

"Get off!" she shrieked playfully as he grinned, holding her down with little effort.

"You know better than to wake a soldier," he said lowly, almost growling in mock anger.

"Yes, I do," she said, grinning, "but you were not asleep. You're just being mean," she said, pouting, her lower lip deliberately sticking out. He nipped at it, rolling off the bed with an agile grace.

He dressed quickly as she circled him, practically skipping. The long walk to the Stargate seemed to fly by. Meredith chatted happily about what, exactly, she was going to look for at the market, the price Kolya should get for the furs he brought to trade, and the various facts she knew (from where?) about the Stargate and how it worked.

Crawling out from under the DHD, Kolya dialed slowly, deep in thought. Before he hit the center button, he turned to Meredith, his eyes worried.

"What?" she asked before he said anything, momentarily serious.

"You have to stay with me," Kolya said simply, watching her.

"Of course!" she exclaimed, her look saying- what else would I do?!

Kolya nodded, and then turned back to the gate, activating it. The blue wave whooshed loudly before settling and they stepped through, Kolya's hand firmly wrapped around Meredith's upper arm.

-000-

The market was crowded and loud, the vendor's wares poured out in a rainbow of colors so varied that Meredith didn't know where to start. She started towards a shop filled with clothes- all brightly colored, and Kolya flowed deferentially, still clutching her arm.

"Look at this!" she exclaimed, holding up a lavender skirt, its straight top and full bottom able to accentuate every natural curve she possessed. A matching top was nearby, its lines simple but delicate, the material crossing at the breasts to create a visible bust line, unlike the plain shirt she wore daily.

She held it up to her, pulling away from Kolya's loosening grasp to twirl, trying out the clothes.

She looked up at him hopefully.

"Can we get these, pleeease?" she asked, her voice pleading more than slightly.

Before he could answer, she spied a pair of shoes behind him and fluttered past.

"Oh, oh, oh!" she exclaimed, clutching at the finely crafted boots. They were sturdy enough to stand up to work, but they were made of soft doe skin in a light tan color.

She turned back to him, grinning and clutching her prizes.

Kolya looked at her critically, eyebrow raised. Her face fell, her lower lip quivering slightly.

"Please? These are perfect! They'll be easy to work in, they'll last forever, and they're so pretty," she finished softly, her eyes wide and pleading.

He looked at her seriously a moment more, then his lip twitched up and he nodded.

She squeaked in pleasure, hugging her new clothes to her tightly, and followed him to the edge of the shop where the vendor waited for trades.

She barely let him take the clothes from her to pay for them, but then the bargaining started. Assured that Kolya would come out on top of the deal, Meredith let her eyes wander, gazing absently at the nearby sellers.

Just across the street was a store that sold knives, and Meredith eyed one appreciatively. Kolya would love that, she thought, moving closer to get a better look. She could trade it for her boots, the nasty things.

A group of men flowed past her, momentarily blocking her from sight. And then she was gone.

-000-

Kolya finished his deal and grinned. He had made a good bargain today. He turned to hand Meredith her new clothes, only to find no one there. His face immediately hardened, and, as he turned back to the vendor, the other man took a step away in fear.

"Where did she go?" he demanded lowly.

"I-I don't know! She was right here… and then she was looking towards the shop across the street. That's all I know!"

Kolya turned with a snarl, shoving the clothes absently under one arm.

"She's run away," he said angrily, eyes searching for a sign of the direction she had fled in. "And when I catch her, she's going to be very sorry."


	13. Chapter 11 NS

AN: I made a few small editing changes to the last chapter, nothing major. Just FYI.

Chap 11- Non-slashy

The next day did not start out promisingly. Kolya face was stone still, the anger burning in his eyes palatable.

Rodney did everything he could to appease him, up and ready to go at dawn, as was Kolya's custom.

Today, instead of gardening or other menial tasks Rodney was usually assigned, Kolya handed him a shovel.

"Dig," he said simply, the heavy iron shovel falling into Rodney's hands with an eerie finality.

The rough wooden handle dug into his palm as Rodney started to dig in the place he was assigned, about 10 meters from the cabin.

The dirt was loose and kept trying to fall back into the hole as he dug, the pile beside him growing larger with every grunt of exertion.

The shovel grew heavier as the day lengthened, and Rodney wondered when Kolya would tell him it was time for a break.

Eventually, Rodney dropped the shovel to the ground and brushed his dirty and blistered hands on his skirt.

Clearing his throat, Rodney tried to get Kolya's attention; about waist deep in the hole he was currently assigned.

"Uh, Kolya?" Rodney asked quietly. He wouldn't have spoken up, but the thirst was getting to him and he could feel his blood sugar dropping like a stone.

Kolya, who had been supervising nearby as he tanned the skins of some poor animal they had eaten, stood and strode over, looking down disapprovingly at Rodney.

"Um, water? And, maybe, something to eat? I mean, I'm sure you don't want me to pass out before I finish digging… whatever this is I'm digging," Rodney said, arrogance just tainting the words before he could bring them back under his control.

Kolya sneered down, then turned and went into the cabin.

"I'll take that as a yes?" Rodney muttered to himself, rubbing at his sore hands. Even after the time he had been working on this desolate planet, his hands still stayed soft and white, another thing in his long list of things he hated about this body.

Kolya returned, slamming out the cabin door with a canteen and a piece of jerky in his hand. He tossed it to her, and then returned to his tanning without a word.

"Thanks," Rodney said sarcastically under his breath, eyeing the jerky dubiously. He chugged the water, wonderfully cold, before ruefully chomping on the dried meat.

Returning to his digging, Rodney sighed. At least he was being 'punished' in a tolerable way- for what else could this be but mindless punishment?

"Drawing from 'Cool Hand Luke', are we?" Rodney muttered to himself as he dug, smiling slightly at the thought. Yah, what he wouldn't give to be Steve McQueen right now. Yes! He thought, grin widening, 'The Great Escape' would come in handy right now. He looked up to his own personal arch villain, his long knife scraping along the skins, and gulped. Somehow, Steve's bad guys didn't seem so bad…

Rodney's hole was getting deeper, and it grew more difficult to throw the dirt high enough. He could no longer see over the edge. The hole itself was long and narrow, the dirt still loose, but huge rocks wound their way on either side, penning him into a three foot wide space. In order to compensate, he made it longer, allowing his shovel to move freely and not keep getting stuck on too near walls.

It was growing dark now, and Rodney was exhausted. He could hardly lift the shovel any longer, but was afraid to stop until Kolya told him to, the sound of the rasping knife a continual reminder that this could be much worse.

Kolya had brought him a small plate of food earlier and refilled his canteen. As the darkness made it hard to see, Rodney finally stopped and chugged the last of his water, sweat dripping down the sides of his face and drawing lines in the layer of dirt covering him.

A shadow passed over his hole, blocking the little light that was left.

Rodney looked up, squinting against the setting sunlight haloing around Kolya's silhouette.

Rodney coughed slightly, the dirt falling from beneath Kolya's boot treads.

"So, um, I'm going to need help getting out of here," Rodney said, trying to see Kolya's face- unsuccessfully.

"Hand me the shovel," Kolya rumbled, his hand exteneding as he squatted next to the hole.

"Oh! Yah, sure," Rodney said agreeably, happy he was finally finished. He handed up the shovel.

Kolya stood, his hand on the shovel, his shape spookily reminiscent of an undertaker.

Rodney stretched up his hands, gesturing with a little wave for Kolya to bend down and help him out.

Kolya didn't move.

Rodney assumed he couldn't see him in the dying light, "Well, are you going to help me out of here, or not?" he asked impatiently, the thought never crossing his mind that Kolya might say no.

Kolya stood there a second longer before turning and walking away.

Rodney's heart leapt into his throat.

"Hey! Wait a minute! You can't just leave me down here! Kolya! Kolyaaa!!!" Rodney screamed, his voice high-pitched in alarm.

The cabin door slammed shut with finality.

"Kolya?" Rodney squeaked, blinking upwards in the darkness. "You- you can't just leave me out here?" he asked, his voice quivering slightly, for he began to realize that was exactly what Kolya had done.

His fingers reached for purchase, coming feet short of the top, the loose dirt raining over his head. His nails were torn and bleeding by the time he gave up on his escape. Where would he go anyway? Back to the wolves- human or otherwise? He thought desolately.

He was cold.

-000-

By the time the morning light broke through the thick trees, Rodney was freezing. He had been huddled in a corner of his hole through the night, trying to conserve heat as the cold winds whipped overhead, howling eerily over the opening.

The sound of boots crunching overhead made him raise his head, still huddled for warmth, his arms curled around his knees for warmth.

Kolya's shadow fell over the opening, once again plunging the hole into darkness. He squatted down, boots raining a trail of dirt onto the ground in front of Rodney.

"Doctor?" Kola asked, his voice hard as stone.

Rodney sneered slightly, tiredness outweighing his fear.

"What? Afraid I died during the night? I'm still here- no thanks to you," Rodney snarled, standing slowly as his knees creaked in the cold morning air.

"I see that one night was not enough to break you of your rebellious nature," Kolya noted dryly, standing once more.

Rodney snorted, "Break me? What am I, a horse? I'm a person, _Kolya_, in case you haven't noticed."

Kolya sighed, his hands on his hips. "I see, Doctor, that this will be difficult. I am going to trade. I will be back tomorrow morning," he said, his eyes firmly fixed on Rodney as he let that information sink in.

He was notified the moment that it did.

"WHAT?" Rodney squawked, "You're going to leave me in this filthy hole until tomorrow with no food, no water, and no protection!?"

Kolya nodded, standing. "That is essentially correct, Doctor. I hope that this will be sufficient to show you that I intend to get my way- whatever the price."

"And when I'm still not 'broken' when you return, then what?" Rodney demanded, crossing his arms stubbornly.

Kolya's face hardened, his eyes flinty and cold, "Then, Doctor, that hole you dug will become your grave."

As Kolya's steps faded in the distance, Rodney swallowed hard, his mouth dry as the desert.

"Oh, this is not good. Not good at all."

-000-

AN: I'm listening to "My Favorite Mistake" by Sheryl Crow- 'the tone of your voice tells me you don't care for me anymore' lol!


	14. Chapter 11 S

AN: Thank you, Cat, for your kind review. I will try to include a timeframe soon.

Chap 11- Slashy

Meredith tried to scream as the man grabbed her, a gag stuffed into her mouth, her hands yanked roughly behind her back as she was propelled forward, the four men encircling her to hide their actions.

She kicked out, squirming frantically as she was half-dragged along the dusty streets, the loud crowd hiding any sound she might have made.

The sounds started to fade, and the men separated, the largest throwing her over his shoulder with a grunt.

They passed a few people, eyes down and clothes scruffy, that Meredith tried frantically to signal for help.

They were in a warehouse district- or something similar- she noticed. As the people grew few and far between, the men begin to loosen up, their forced casualness turning into a confident stride. Their clothes were black, a mismatched patchwork of various armor and weapons. They were unshaven and dirty, the smell wafting off the man that was carrying her made her eyes water.

They entered a small warehouse, the metal door opening silently and then clanging shut behind them with a bang.

They set her down then, and Meredith fell to the ground, her legs wobbly. She yanked out the dirty, oily-tasting rag from her mouth and spit in disgust, slowly gaining her feet.

They were circled around her, eying her like a colony of vultures.

"Who are you?" Meredith asked coolly, raising her arms in a semi-defensible position. "And why did you kidnap me?"

The smallest one snorted and stepped forward, obviously in charge, his short-man syndrome in full swing as he puffed up with pride, expanding his bony chest about a centimeter.

Meredith suppressed the urge to call him 'Tiny' to his face.

"We 'rescued' you," Tiny sneered, snapping his fingers at the man closest to him impatiently.

The other man handed over a piece of paper, and Meredith noticed he only had three fingers, his index finger only a nub. She mentally noted him as 'Fingers'.

Tiny held up the piece of paper and read it aloud as if it was a royal decree.

"Reward for the rescue of this woman, last seen with a man known as Kolya, Former Genii Commander," he finished, turning the paper towards Meredith so that she could see the photos of both herself and Kolya and the message in several languages.

Meredith sneered, "So you've proven you can read. Good for you," she said, clapping sarcastically, "Did you ever think that I didn't need to be 'rescued'?"

Tiny shrugged, grinning and showing his green-tinged teeth.

"Doesn't much matter to us. We just want the reward," he said.

"Well, you're not going to get it. I'm outta here," Meredith stated confidently, striding towards the door.

The large man that had been carrying her blocked her path, his mass forming a solid wall in front of her.

She spun angrily, intending to confront the little creep that led this ragtag group.

She squeaked to see all three men had drawn close, and she took a step backwards, bumping into the large man- 'Stonewall'.

"You see, now, the reward didn't say nothin' about what condition you be when you're rescued," Tiny said ominously. Thug snickered as Fingers began to pull at his belt, pushing closer.

Meredith stepped sideways, quickly putting some distance between them, "I-I don't THINK so!" she cried, still backing away. Her fists rose in warning, and she snarled at the quickly approaching Tiny and Fingers- Thug and Stonewall hung back, watching with amusement.

Fingers made the first move, leaping at her with no warning. She dodged, using her slimness to full advantage, and he crashed headfirst into a crate behind her, falling, dazed, to the floor.

Tiny approached more cautiously, circling her.

"Why don't you just give up? You're not getting out of here," he said, still circling.

Meredith snorted, "That's what you think, 'Tiny'," she said venomously.

She didn't take kindly to being hunted, something in the small man's circling drew on memories that were not pleasant, but she shook off the thoughts, determined that she was going to win this battle, bad odds or not.

Tiny didn't take kindly to his nickname, and it caused him to move prematurely.

Meredith socked him, her fist impacting his chin with as much strength as she could muster.

He fell to the floor, shaking his head.

"Ow, ow, ow!" Meredith grumbled, rubbing at her hand, a pained expression on her face, "That really hurts!" she muttered, looking down at her scraped knuckles.

And then Meredith knew she was in trouble. Tiny rose to his feet, his eyes veiled and threatening.

"Brutus, Kojak," Tiny called to the two men who had been supervising. They strode over, Brutus- the big one, snapped his knuckles ominously, his dull face lightening in amusement.

"Now- now let's not get hasty," Meredith placated, backing away and nearly tripping over a stirring Fingers.

She abruptly changed direction and kept backing up as they drew closer, her eyes searching for a way out as her hands rose in an unconscious warding away gesture.

"I'll talk to them for you; get them to increase the reward! If I'm unharmed, I'll tell them to double it! Triple it!" Meredith cried as she hit the corner and was forced to stop.

"It's too late for that, Missy," Tiny snarled, spitting out the blood from his split lip.

And then they were there, their hands grasping, pulling, shredding her clothes.

She fought them, her fists flying ineffectually until Brutus restrained her, his large paws crushing around her wrists.

"No! Let me go! Kolya! KOLYA!!!" Meredith screamed as they surrounded her, "Help me!!!"

-000-

Kolya stomped through the marketplace, his face stormy with anger. She had run away! She had left him, just as he was beginning to trust her!

He questioned the vendors, looking for any sign of her escape. No one had seen anything, and, as he reached the outskirts of the stalls, he doubted he would get any information at all to track her. He had been stupid, letting his judgment be clouded by… by a female!

He stopped, contemplating his next move, anger simmering just beneath the surface.

A man, hunched over with age and ill use, paused near the edge of the street, peering up cautiously at Kolya.

"Lost something, have you?" the old man asked, voice creaky.

Kolya looked over, his face pinched.

"What interest do you have?" he snarled, upset that his emotions had been so obvious that even an old beggar could see it.

The old man shrugged and started to move on.

"A woman," Kolya blurted out, unsure of exactly why he was telling the man this, "She's missing. She's got short blonde hair and…"

"Blue eyes?" the old man asked, cutting him off.

Kolya looked at him in surprise.

"Yes! Have you seen her? Which way was she going?"

"Hmph," the old man huffed, "Going? More like being taken!"

"Taken?!" Kolya asked in astonishment. Maybe she hadn't run away! Maybe Sheppard had come and…

"Those good-for-nothing thugs had her. She looked to be in a bit of trouble."

Kolya's eyes sharpened upon the old man, the words sending a shock of fear through him.

"What kind of trouble? Who has her?" Kolya asked, his voice tense.

"Mercenaries. They hang around, looking for bounties. Troublemakers. The big one had her over his shoulder. She must have put up quite a fight; they had her gagged and everything." The old man started to shuffle away.

"Wait!" Kolya cried out, a minuscule suggestion of pleading in his voice.

The old man turned, looking up curiously.

"Can you tell me, is there somewhere they go? A base of operations? "

The old man pointed down the street, "The warehouse district, near the piers. That's all I can tell you."

"Thank you!" Kolya said sincerely, pausing and then pulling out one of the tanned hides he had brought to trade with. "Here," he said, handing it to the old man.

The man grinned, snaggled teeth peeking out from under an unkempt white beard, and tucked away the skin, shuffling along to nowhere.

Without another thought, Kolya ran in the direction the man had pointed, eyes open for any sign of his Meredith.


	15. Chapter 12 NS

Chap 12: Non-Slashy

Being stuck in a hole was not Rodney's idea of a good time. Being left in said hole not one but TWO nights, was worse. Being threatened to die in said hole was the final straw.

"Okay, there is NO way I'm just going to wait around for Mr. I-Get-My-Way to return and bury me alive!" Rodney muttered to himself, for the first time studying the walls he had so efficiently dug around himself. The loose dirt piled on the ground next to him was a testament to his foolish try to escape blindly the night before.

He eyed the stones protruding from the sides, wondering if they would take his weight. After a few seconds of calculations, he gave up. There were too many variables- was the dirt loose at the base of the stones? What was the mass of the stones? Were they shallow? Deep? Brittle?

Rodney flexed his blister-covered hands, "What have I got to lose?" he muttered. He started to climb.

-000-

Meanwhile, back at the ranch… uh, city….

"Unauthorized gate activation!" Chuck cried, his voice carrying throughout the gate room.

Sheppard and Ronon, still sweaty from a recent sparring lesson, had just reached Weir's office as the warning was sounded.

Weir's door flew open, disgorging both the Doctor herself and a hugely pregnant Teyla, who waddled behind her with an effortless grace.

"Colonel," Elizabeth acknowledged as she sped by, Teyla on her heels.

Ronon and Sheppard looked at each other and shrugged, following the two women quickly down the stairs.

"Report!" Weir commanded, slowing to a stop next to Chuck and peering into the blue ripples of the open Stargate.

"Receiving IDC now… It's the Dankarians," Chuck said, his voice rising in surprise.

"The traders? What could they want?" Weir asked to herself, "Lower the shield," she said finally, deciding to let them through. They had been trading with the Dankarians for a few months now, and it had been very profitable for both their peoples.

A thin man in a green robe ran through the gate, skidding to a stop just quickly enough to avoid running into the stairs. It was Kalyn, the assistant to the head of the trader's council, and a man they had come to call a friend. He always led them to the best trade deals, and he let them know when they were not receiving a fair price.

Right now, however, his usual composure was shattered, his dark hair dangling in his eyes as he leaned over, trying to catch his breath. It looked as if he had sprinted the entire way from the council chambers to the Stargate- not a short distance. In his hand he clutched a piece of paper.

The room was frozen, unsure of what, exactly, was going on. And then Sheppard was moving, almost tripping down the stairs in his haste.

His eyes had recognized the paper, and as he reached Kalyn's side, he snatched it from him, unfolding it quickly to reveal one of the wanted posters they had distributed to every friendly planet in their address list.

"John, what in the world?!" Weir exclaimed, quickly striding down the stairs.

Sheppard held up the paper as an answer, his eyes never leaving Kalyn.

"Where?" Sheppard demanded, his eyes piercingly intense.

Kalyn, still gasping for breath, managed to wheeze out, "Kolya spotted in marketplace. Thirty minutes ago."

"Was there any sign of…?" Weir started to ask before Kalyn cut her off.

"He's alone," he said, running a hand through his mussed hair with impatience.

"And he could already be gone by the time we get back if we don't hurry!" Sheppard said, his voice tightly controlled as he looked up at Weir.

"Go," she said, nodding.

Ronon and Sheppard were off like a shot towards the lockers- guaranteed to be suited up and ready to go in record time.

-000-

Rodney's hands were shaky, but he was making slow progress. A fist sized rock had dislodged, nearly making him lose his footing, but he compensated, relying on his right leg to carry his weight and hoping the slightly larger stone could hold his weight in the loose soil.

As he worked his slow way up the few feet to freedom, he imagined what he would do once he got out of this pit. Kolya surely had taken the control crystals with him once he had dialed out, so he was still stuck on this planet, but, then again, Rodney knew when and where Kolya was going to come from, and he could build a trap.

He shook his head, drops of sweat flying sideways. It was distracting him, the heavy, salty droplets dripping from the ends of his hair and slipping, itchy, down his back. He was thirsty, his mouth dry as the desert and his hands shook not only from fatigue, but also from low blood sugar.

Another in a long list of obstacles to overcome. Every handhold had to be carefully tested, every foothold tried before it held his weight. There was no time for second tries. Already the odd hours of this planet had the sun low in the sky- its quick descent inevitable.

Rodney was not planning on spending another night out here. Nor was he foolish enough to think he could set a trap in the woods in the dark of night. He had to get out of this hole sooner rather than later.

After what seemed like hours, his fingers grasped the edge of the hole, the loose dirt raining down to attach itself to the streaks of sweat rolling down his face. Rodney blinked, the gritty dirt stinging his eyes.

He had made it to the top! Now he'd take the shovel, run to the gate, and wait for Kolya to come through. When he did, he'd take the shovel and bash him over the head with it! Rodney nearly cackled at the thought, blessed freedom! And Kolya had given him the tool to do it!

Then reality stick its ugly head in- yah, he'd hit Kolya with the shovel, Kolya would fall… then he'd be dead, Rodney felt a little squeamish at that, and he would be stuck because Kolya hid the crystal somewhere bizarre, or, worse, Kolya would get back up- the man was unkillable, after all- and Rodney would run screaming into the woods- a dead man.

Or, Rodney snorted, his fevered imaginings at full throttle, he'd be running through the woods to escape Kolya, would run into Sheppard and his Puddle Jumper and hear the blessed sound of Ronon's blaster firing six or eight times.

"Any time now, Sheppard," Rodney mumbled, searching for a foothold that would propel him over the top.

His foot lodged against a rock and he pressed down, testing carefully. It shifted a little and then settled. Deciding it was safe, and hurrying because darkness was quickly falling, Rodney pressed himself upwards, his hands scrabbling for purchase in the beaten dirt around the lip of the hole.

Suddenly, he pressed against nothing, the rock serving as his foothold slipped out, tumbling from its perch and clattering to the bottom of the hole.

Rodney followed, his short nails digging 10 long, parallel crevasses into the dirt edge before he lost all control and fell backwards, dirt raining down around him.

There was a pair of loud _cracks_ as he hit bottom- but no one heard them, just like no one heard the scream that had ended abruptly- along with the setting of the sun.

-000-

Sheppard, Ronon, and Major Lorne followed Kalyn through the gate, fully equipped with P-90s, a medical kit, a few grenades, a little C-4, and, in Ronon's case, a sword- along with an undisclosed number of knives.

They parked the Puddle Jumper, cloaked, beside the gate- just far enough away to enter and exit without suspicion. They ran the distance to the village, poor Kalyn once again breathless and disheveled, leading the way to the main marketplace- the place Kolya had last been spotted.

As they approached the market, they slowed to a walk, trying to look unremarkable. For a few minutes they searched unsuccessfully, and John's heart was lodged in his throat. If Kolya was gone- if Kolya saw them- then the opportunity would be blown and they would never find Rodney.

It had already been two months, and the IOA was pushing to list him as MIA, but Sheppard knew that he was still alive- somewhere. And this was most likely the only opportunity they were going to get. They couldn't screw this up.

Ronon's head shot up, his height allowing him to see over the crowd, and Sheppard watched intently as his eyes narrowed in anger. It had to be Kolya. Signaling Lorne and dismissing Kalyn- with the promise of an immense reward later- Sheppard moved to Ronon's side, the big man still set upon his quarry.

"Kolya?" Sheppard asked quietly, nodding to Lorne as he approached.

Ronon grunted with a slight nod, his eyes never leaving his prey.

"Follow him, and, whatever you do, don't let him know he's being followed," Sheppard commanded, his P-90 in a tight grip, aching to just shoot the man. Who knows what he had done to Rodney… the thought was distracting, so he disposed of it, falling into soldier John- friend John could worry later.

Ronon didn't acknowledge the command except to lower his blaster the slightest bit.

They followed Kolya the rest of the day, their nerves on edge every time they lost sight of him. When he took a room for the night, they stood sentry outside the inn, too wound up to sleep in shifts.

No one questioned them, their weapons obvious and faces displeased.

The morning could not come quickly enough, and, as they journeyed towards the gate, Sheppard sent Lorne ahead to prepare the jumper. They had to use split second timing to make this work. Who knows what awaited them on the other side of the gate?

Kolya dialed and they watched carefully, silently hovering above in the cloaked jumper. The moment Kolya stepped through they made their move, shooting through then up, immediately hovering far enough away to avoid any danger that might have been waiting on the other side.

The gate closed, and they looked out the window of the Jumper in surprise. It was peaceful looking here, bringing up the HUD, Sheppard noted that Kolya's was the only life sign around the gate area.

"Where are we?" Sheppard asked.

Lorne looked down studying the gate address Kolya had input.

"I don't know, Sir. It's not on any of our lists."

"Doesn't matter." Ronon grumbled, "Land this thing so we can follow him before he reaches the trees."

Lorne nodded, quickly landing the Jumper and opening the back.

They leapt out, running silently toward the area of the woods Kolya had entered- they were on the hunt.

They followed Kolya through the trees, wary of any sound that could tip him off. Ronon noted boot prints- small ones- in the dirt of the path. Rodney was here- or had been at one time. The prints were old.

When Kolya reached the clearing, they stopped- not only to keep to the trees, but also because Lorne and Sheppard were shocked to see an honest to goodness log cabin.

They waited until Kolya entered the cabin, then they circled around back where there were no windows. Everywhere they looked there were small boot prints. It was Ronon who found the clothes- Rodney's uniform.

"Sheppard," he said quietly- holding up the tattered material, the blue shirt purple from blood stains, the pants obviously sliced open and covered in blood-tinted mud.

John's stomach clenched, his fingers crushing around the P-90. He snarled, eyes flickering to the cabin Kolya had entered.

"Sir?" Lorne asked, anxious to get a hold of Kolya himself, the sickening sight of Rodney's tattered uniform pushing him to action.

Ronon dropped the uniform rags and lifted his blaster, switching it over to 'kill'.

"No," Sheppard said quietly, dangerously. "I want him alive. He _will_ tell us exactly what happened to Rodney… and where he…" Sheppard's voice cut out then, unable to say the words "where he left her." He finished, collaring his emotions and directing them to causing as much pain as possible to the man that had done so much damage these last two months. Two months! God! Rodney had been in his hands for two months!

They dispensed with stealth, storming in the front door, guns raised.

Kolya was caught unprepared, only able to get his gun halfway out of his holster before his arm was skewered with one of Ronon's smaller knives.

He grunted in pain and froze, clearly outnumbered.

Sheppard surveyed the room, his eyes analyzing everything, lingering on the bed. There was a rope tied to the base of the bed, the tattered ends blood coated. Rodney.

Sheppard's eyes narrowed, the urge to just pull the trigger overcome only by the desire to find out what had happened to his friend.

"Where is she?" Sheppard asked coldly, "What did you do with her?"

Kolya smirked, the expression nearly shattering Sheppard's control, much to Kolya's amusement.

"She was very obedient, Colonel Sheppard," Kolya said, voice low and suggestive.

Ronon snorted and lifted the rope attached to the bed with the end of his blaster.

"That's why you had to tie her up, then?" Ronon growled.

Kolya shrugged, "it might have taken some time to get her… properly trained, but eventually she broke. They all do," Kolya said, eyes watching Sheppard for a reaction. What he saw surprised him, Sheppard raised an eyebrow.

"Broke, huh?" he leaned closer, as if sharing a secret, "What was her name, Kolya? Did she ever tell you?"

Kolya continued to smirk, "Meredith," he said confidently.

Sheppard smirked then, sharing a glance with Lorne.

"Yes, her name is Meredith. Meredith Rodney McKay, to be exact," Sheppard said, his voice icy.

"McKay?!" Kolya exclaimed, confused. He still didn't get it, Sheppard saw.

"Yes, McKay. You've had Rodney McKay- strangely changed- in your hands for two months now, and you didn't know it. Still think he broke?!" Sheppard snarled, unconsciously stepping forward.

Kolya didn't speak, mind still processing.

"Now, where is Rodney?!" Sheppard screamed, his voice very, very dangerous.

Kolya looked up, still befuddled, "McKay?"

Ronon snarled and grabbed Kolya's arm, throwing him out the door to land face down in the dirt.

He stomped down the stairs that Kolya had flown over, the wood snapping with every step, "Where. Is. McKay." Ronon snarled.

Kolya glanced over, unconsciously pointing the way to McKay.

"Watch him," Sheppard ordered Lorne as he and Ronon sprinted around the end of the cabin, skidding to a halt at the sight of the freshly dug grave.

Even from several feet away Sheppard could see where fingernails on a small hand had clung desperately to the edge.

He could hardly force himself to move forward, but he had to see. He had to know if his best friend lay uncovered in a grave on an alien world. If he had arrived too late.

Sheppard could faintly hear Lorne ask Kolya, where they stood at the edge of the cabin, who had dug the grave.

The words, "She dug it herself," echoed sickeningly in John's head as he looked down to see Rodney's pale body, half-covered with dirt, lying motionlessly at the bottom.


	16. Chapter 12 S

Chap 12: Slashy

Kolya ran down the alleys between the warehouses, eyes and ears open for any sign of his Meredith.

His eyes narrowed in rage as, far away and to his left, a muted and echoic scream sounded; a familiar female cry of pain and fear.

He changed direction, letting the memory of her scream direct him through the maze of buildings. As he drew closer, he could hear the low murmur of male voices, obviously arguing.

Sneaking quickly around to the entrance of the building, Kolya slammed the door open, his gun already firing as he took in the scene.

The largest man had Meredith's wrists pinned high on the wall of the building, her bare feet barely touching the ground, her naked body stretched to its limits, the tattered fabric of her shredded clothing fluttering gently against her pale, blood-streaked skin.

The smallest man stood back, leaning with a satisfied smirk against a crate, Meredith's boots, blood coated, dangling around his neck like a trophy.

Two others argued loudly, their hands fisted in anger. One had his pants unzipped and as he moved, they started to slip down.

Kolya shot the big man first, noting as he fell over lifelessly, Meredith collapsing on top of him. Next the man with his pants undone went down, falling before he could even grab for the gun that flapped uselessly on his thigh.

The other two moved quickly, ducking behind crates and returning fire. They had a standoff for a moment before, with a whistle, the small man signaled it was time to retreat. Like rats from a burning building, they scurried out a service entrance and disappeared.

Kolya didn't care, his eyes solely on Meredith, her pale body lying motionless- draped over the big man's back.

He holstered his weapon and moved quickly to her, gently turning her over.

She was a mess, her face bruised and bloody, a trickle of blood drooling from the corner of her lip. The rest of her body was one big bruise, finger marks everywhere.

Then Kolya realized she wasn't breathing. Her lips, hidden by the bright red of her blood, were turning blue, her body cold and still beneath his hands.

"No," Kolya said, his voice nearly cracking. She couldn't be dead.

He felt her bruised neck for a pulse, feeling it dance weakly under his touch.

Opening her mouth, Kolya leaned over her, blowing gently to expand her lungs.

"Breathe," he whispered, once again breathing for her.

"Breathe!" he commanded, his voice edging on frantic as she failed to respond. He tried once more, the icy cold of her lips startling against the warmth of his own.

Once again, nothing.

"Meredith… Please," he asked, pleading for one of the first times in his life, "Please breathe."

He breathed for her again.

"I… I can't lose you now. Not like this. Not again. Not again!" he screamed, angry at the world for once again taking from him the one person in his life he had begun to… love.

He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, "Breathe!"

And Meredith gasped and started to cough weakly, body still limp in his arms.

He laid her back carefully, watching her take one breath after another.

"Meredith?" he asked.

She was still out, but her lips were turning pink once again, and the frail hand he unconsciously held warmed beneath his fingers.

Stripping out of his jacket, Kolya laid it down beside her, placing her gently into its folds.

Covering her nakedness, the grey wool jacket encircled her and he lifted her gently from the floor, carrying her in his arms like a small child too sleepy to make it to her own bed.

-000-

"He killed two of my men, Major!" the small man, Hondo, cried, his face red in anger, "That deserves some sort of compensation!" Kojak nodded behind him, backing up his boss.

"Wait a minute. You're saying that you had her, and then Kolya attacked you, killing only two of your men? And this is our problem, how? We specifically stated that he was dangerous. You should have told us when you spotted them instead of trying to rescue her yourselves, especially since you couldn't handle it." Lorne said, arms crossed, "Besides, how do I even know you had the right woman? Or am I supposed to take your word on this?"

Hondo's eyes narrowed and he bounced impatiently on his toes in front of the larger officer. "My men are lying dead in the warehouse on Central, and you want proof!? Well, here is your proof!" he snarled, throwing the boots into Lorne's arms.

Lorne's eyes widened. He hadn't believed that the slimy little mercenary had actually spotted Rodney, nevertheless had him in his grasp, but this, these were Rodney's boots, or at least military issue.

Lorne's eyes narrowed at the bloodstains, but he kept his voice controlled.

"The warehouse on Central? Twenty minutes ago?" Lorne questioned.

"Yah, that's right! Two of my men, dead!" Hondo said, still bouncing.

Lorne gestured to the airman next to him, "Give him a third of the reward," Lorne said, turning towards the warehouse district.

Hondo and Kojak scurried off, after complaining about the unfairness of the deal for a few seconds longer.

Boots in hand, Lorne went to investigate. He knew Kolya would be long gone, Rodney in tow, but he was still aware that any clue could lead to the discovery of Kolya's hiding place.

Airman shadowing his steps, Lorne entered the warehouse, following the coppery scent of blood.

He was greeted by the sight of two dead bodies and a lot of blood. He walked over to the first man and, much to his alarm, noted that he had been shot with his pants down- clearly aroused.

The larger man lay prone; the shot had pierced him directly through the heart, a splotch of blood stark against the white of his shirt illustrating the exit of the bullet.

But what truly alarmed Lorne were the bloody bare footprints against the wall, the bloody outline of a naked female body on the cement floor, and the bloody boot prints leading out of the door- Genii issue.

It was then that Lorne found himself agreeing with Kolya's choice to kill the men.

If Rodney was still alive, and Lorne fervently hoped he was, he was very, very badly injured.

Lorne turned back to the Stargate, boots in hand, and tried to figure out how he was going to break the news to Sheppard without getting killed.

-000-

Meredith screamed as she kicked out once more, her boots connecting solidly with one of the men surrounding her.

"Grab her!" Tiny screamed, dodging another frantic kick.

Brutus had her wrists firmly in his grasp and pressed her roughly against the cold metal wall of the building, but Meredith didn't give up, flinging her body wildly, hoping to score a significant hit, cursing her captors the entire time.

Kojak tackled her legs, pinning them against the wall, and roughly ripped off her boots, the only piece of clothing left intact on her body.

Meredith continued to try to kick, regardless of the pain as her bare feet impacted an armored chest. Kojak held her legs still as Tiny approached, his face twisted in anger, his lip bleeding and a bruise forming at his hairline from a well aimed kick.

"You're going to pay for this," he snarled, his hand wrapping around her throat, cutting off the steady stream of curses- half of which he didn't understand.

When he was finished he backed away, panting and satisfied, and Meredith hung, sobbing in pain and anger, her eyes still burning with fiery hate. He was happy to note he had left his fair share of imprints on her light skin.

Kojak handed him the boots and Tiny grinned, tying them together and dangling them in front of her mockingly before hanging them around his neck as a trophy.

She spat at him, still unable to catch her breath, the dark bruises encircling her neck stark against her pale skin.

Brutus shifted uncomfortably and Tiny restrained a chuckle as he gestured for him to take his turn. It was only reasonable, after all.

Meredith's feet clattered against the metal walls and she screamed hoarsely before falling silent.

She hung limply as he pulled away, not even winded.

Tiny leaned against a crate and watched in amusement as Kojak and Fingers started to argue about who was next.

Then the door flew open with a bang and someone started shooting.

-000-

"Colonel Sheppard," Lorne said, his voice deadly serious.

Sheppard stopped cold in his frantic flight down the stairs, the tone of Lorne's voice sending a spike of ice through him.

"Rodney?" he asked, his voice quietly hopeful.

Lorne mutely raised the bloodstained boots dangling limply from his fingers.

Sheppard continued down the stairs, eyes locked on the slowly rotating boots.

Lorne finally spoke as Sheppard took the boots, examining the bloodstains with feather-touches, as if feeling the wounds behind them.

"The mercenaries were honest when they said they had Rodney. We investigated the warehouse where they held her. The two men were killed by a Genii weapon. But, Sir, there was…" Lorne paused and cleared his throat before continuing, aware that Sheppard's weighty gaze rested on him, "there was a lot of blood that did not belong to the mercenaries."

Sheppard's face hardened, his grip around the boots abruptly tightening, "What are you telling me, Major?"

Lorne met his eyes, his face intensely sympathetic, "Sir, one of the dead men died… with his pants unzipped, highly aroused."

Sheppard paled, but Lorne continued, knowing that he had to report every detail.

"There were footprints on the wall and the blood on the floor held the distinct impression of a… female body. Sir, if Rodney is still… When Kolya took Dr. McKay, she would have been in very bad shape."

Sheppard was expressionless, only his eyes dark with pain showing his emotions.

"Thank you, Major Lorne," he said stiffly, dismissing him.

Lorne nodded quietly and left, the intense need to take a shower nearly overwhelming.

Sheppard just stood, staring at the Stargate and clutching a pair of blood stained black boots.


	17. Chapter 13 NS

Chap 13: Non Slashy

Sheppard stared for a few moments longer, afraid to move, afraid to prove that this was his friend's last resting place, killed by a man who didn't even realize what he had.

Then he snapped out of it and leapt into the grave, landing carefully on the edge farthest away from McKay's splayed legs. As he drew closer he noted the fingerprint bruises encircling her neck, his anger rising at the obvious sign of abuse.

Then the blood, hidden by the dirt and unseen from the surface, became apparent. The fist-sized stone lying next to Rodney's left temple was covered in blood, and it oozed under Rodney's head, forming a muddy red lake.

And Rodney coughed, causing Sheppard to flinch back in alarm.

"He's alive!" Sheppard cried, ecstatic- he had been certain…

Ronon peered over the edge, his face softening slightly. Sheppard grinned upwards, intensely relieved.

Rodney started to mumble, her head twitching from side to side, eyes slotted open to reveal the slightest hint of bloodshot blue.

"It's okay. It's okay," Sheppard comforted softly, edging his way to Rodney's head and leaning over to inspect the damage, "You'll be okay. You hit your head," Sheppard whispered, squatting down next to Rodney.

"Please," Rodney whispered, her voice almost inaudible.

"What?" Sheppard asked, leaning closer to hear.

"Please don't bury me alive. Please," Rodney whimpered, eyes closing in a wince of anticipation.

Sheppard paled, realizing that Rodney had no idea he was being rescued.

"It's okay," Sheppard said softly, "We've got Kol…"

And he was cut off abruptly as Rodney's weakly flailing hand wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled him close. Rodney kissed him then- her dry, cracked lips scraping against Sheppard's, her tongue pushing hesitantly.

Sheppard pulled back in alarm, falling backwards to land heavily in the dirt, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Rodney whimpered, her arms still flailing, searching.

"I'll do it. I will. Just, please…" her voice broke, tears running down her face, "Please don't bury me alive. I don't want to die."

"Oh, God," Sheppard said, ill. His face paled as he realized what Rodney was offering. Kolya had beaten him. Rodney was willing to… sleep with him. The thought combined with the taste of the desperate kiss to make Sheppard turn to the corner and heave dryly, thankful he hadn't eaten lately.

Sheppard sat, shaking with horror for a moment longer before the nausea was overwhelmed with fear. He hadn't noticed before now, but, sitting this close to Rodney's feet he saw that, despite the desperate flailing of her upper body, Rodney's legs had never moved, the dirt lying undisturbed.

"Rodney!" Sheppard cried, crawling carefully back to his friend, grabbing a flailing, blistered hand and clutching it tightly, "We're rescuing you, you hear me?! It's me, it's Sheppard! Rodney!"

Rodney's struggle slowed, her eyes opening slightly, staring up in disbelief, "S-Sheppard?" she asked, voice timidly hopeful.

"Yes, it's me. Ronon's here too. We got Kolya. He can't hurt you anymore."

"You- you came?" Rodney asked, voice still uncertain.

Sheppard chuckled painfully, his grip tightening on Rodney's hand, "We came, Rodney. You're safe now."

"Safe?" Rodney asked, a smile starting to appear on her face, relief evident in her voice.

"Yes, Rodney, safe. Now, can you tell me what hurts?" Sheppard asked, fearful of the answer.

"Head," Rodney moaned as if becoming aware of the pain just then.

"How about your legs, Rodney? Do they hurt?"

Rodney shook her head, wincing at her mistake, "No. The dirt's really heavy, though. Can't move them."

Sheppard glanced down at the inch deep layer of soil over Rodney's legs, a sinking feeling coming over him.

"Okay," Sheppard said softly, clicking on his radio, "Ronon?"

"Yah," Ronon's voice came over the radio, impatience evident.

Sheppard lowered his voice slightly, "Get Carson. Tell him to bring a backboard and some airmen to hoist Rodney out of here."

Ronon heard the worry in Sheppard's voice and responded quickly, gesturing for Lorne to keep a sharp eye on the now VERY tightly bound Kolya. Then he took off towards the gate.

-000-

Carson, Sheppard, and Rodney made for a tight fit in the small hole, but Sheppard refused to move, still gripping Rodney's hand.

Rodney was out again, her face peaceful for the first time since this adventure started.

"Doc," Sheppard said quietly.

Carson nodded towards him, eyes on his patient.

"Aye, that looks like a bloody good concussion," Carson noted, taking Rodney's pulse.

"Doc," Sheppard interrupted, eyes dark with fear, "He can't move his legs."

Carson paled, glancing down at the undisturbed dirt. "Bloody Hell," he whispered, his hands moving quickly but gently down Rodney's back. He encountered an obstacle about two inches above Rodney's waistline- a rock.

Carson looked up at Sheppard, his face professional and still, "she landed on a rock… and it seems to have injured her spine."

Sheppard winced, his stomach tightening into knots.

"I can't tell for sure until we get her under a scanner," Carson said reassuringly. Sheppard nodded absently, his thoughts already visualizing Rodney in a wheelchair, vibrant body forever confined.

-000-

Carson and his medical team passed Kolya without a look, eyes focused on Rodney.

When they were out of earshot, Sheppard turned his eyes to Kolya, his fists clenched in fury.

"If he can't walk, neither will you," Sheppard growled, his voice low and deadly serious.

The gloating fled from Kolya's eyes as Ronon backed up Sheppard, his large boot grinding into Kolya's unprotected spine in warning. Lorne stared straight ahead, seeing nothing.

Sheppard turned with a growl of frustrated anger and sped after Rodney. He had promised he'd stay with him, and he would. Rodney wouldn't be left alone again.


	18. Chapter 13 S

Chap 13: Slashy

Kolya laid her insensible body gently onto the bed, her limp arms slipping out from the folds of his woolen jacket, drops of blood trickling from her fingertips to pool darkly on the floor.

Using a damp cloth, Kolya began the laborious task of gently removing the blood and filth to reveal the damage. It took a long time, the rag saturated with crimson, the bowl of water cloudy pink.

It was not as bad as he had feared; most of the blood came from shallow wounds already scabbing over. Some he bandaged, wrapping the soft white cloth gently around her bruised ribs, around her still bleeding knuckles.

He lingered over her knuckles; the small hands had fought back vigorously, sparing no pain. He was proud of her and angry with her at the same time.

He brushed the blonde hair away from her blackened eyes, staring at her. If only she had not moved away from him! If only she had stayed close, like he had commanded her too! Why couldn't she take orders? Always so disobedient, so willful, even while trying to cooperate- her mind always thinking too fast for sense to catch up.

It was this quick mind, the air of fearlessness- not born of stupidity or bravado, but some sort of superiority, which had drawn him to her.

He had planned to break her of this willful spirit originally, but, somehow, she was all the more alluring for it. And that she had accepted him while still maintaining this willfulness… adaptability was a trait to be much admired. He could only hope that her adaptability- her willfulness- survived this latest trial.

She stirred then, her face crinkling in pain and confusion.

He knew when she awoke, eyes opening with a gasp of remembrance, wrapped hands raising in defense. She looked around frantically, still not registering where she was. Her eyes finally alit on him, recognition pouring in.

Then she started to sob, hands covering her eyes, body curling tightly, despite the pain it must have caused.

Kolya was speechless for a moment. It had all happened so fast- he didn't know what to say to comfort her.

"You should have stayed with me like I told you to," he said, wincing internally as he heard the words come out- his first words to her a reproof.

Her sobs stopped suddenly, and she looked up, her eyes bright and angry.

"I DID stay! I was kidnapped not ten feet from you!"

Kolya was taken aback, flinching slightly in shock. He had assumed she had wandered away, but for her to be taken from under his very nose! It was his fault.

Kolya took her hand, thumb rubbing soothingly against her palm.

"I'm sorry," he said simply, knowing that words were far too little.

Her face crumpled then, and she looked down hiding her eyes beneath the thin veil of her short blonde bangs.

"I… I should have told you before we left. I-I wanted it to be a surprise. I wanted it to be perfect," Meredith said quietly, her voice cracking with repressed tears.

"What?" Kolya asked, confused. What could she have been keeping from him?

She looked up then, her eyes brimming with unshed tears, her lower lip trembling violently.

"I… I was pregnant," she said, sobbing as she confessed, her hand clutching her abdomen.

Kolya rocked back as if struck, his mouth opening and closing unconsciously.

He stood and started pacing, trying to get the word through his thunderstruck mind.

"Pregnant?" he muttered, running a hand nervously through his hair. How could she be pregnant?! Well, he knew how- but how did he- after years of exposure to radiation- father another child?!

He stopped suddenly, his mind wrapping around the rest of her words, "What do you mean you _were_ pregnant?" he asked, squatting down next to the sobbing woman.

She didn't look up, her voice muffled by the bed, "After… _this_… the baby… it couldn't have survived. I tried to protect it! I did! I just couldn't! I was too _weak_ to protect our child," she whispered, her voice hopeless.

Kolya closed his eyes, picturing the way he found her, the pattern of bruises on her body, calculating the number of men, the number of times…

He grabbed her shoulder, gently pulling her to face him.

"You did nothing wrong. You almost died to protect _our_ child. Do not give up hope," he said, pulling Meredith into a hug, pressing her damp face into his shoulder.

She sniffed, pulling him close, her desperate arms tightening around his chest.

"Do you really think I could still be…?" she mumbled into his neck, her voice vibrating through him.

He nodded silently, holding her close. A child. She was going to have his child.

-000-

Meredith rubbed a hand across her swollen stomach in satisfaction, blowing her hair impatiently out of her eyes. Her hair was getting too long now, and it insisted on cascading from behind her ears to tickle her neck.

Kolya came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, his hands resting protectively on her belly. He had hardly left her side since… the incident, clinging so close that finally Meredith insisted he go hunting or something to give her a break.

He had chuckled and given in, surprising her. He had seemed less impatient with her bossiness lately, gentler in his requests, softer in bed.

Especially that first time, asking- _asking! -_ if he could make love to her, if it hurt when he did that, if he had pleased her, almost looking anxious as he asked.

She found herself softening to him in turn, no longer worrying about her missing memories, the odd things that popped into her mind- disturbing images she could now fully discard. Now that she knew him so completely, there was no doubt in her mind that she came with him willingly, escaping some horrible fate that she didn't need to remember. Though, in the back of her mind, a nagging voice still insisted she _should_ be able to remember, that it was important. But the voice grew fainter with each passing day as their child developed within her.

"You're beautiful," Kolya whispered in her ear, his voice seductively low.

She giggled, pulling away slightly as his warm breath tickled her ear. He refused to relent, his tongue flicking out to tease her ear, pulling her back until her body was meshed against his, no separation between them.

He wanted her- she could feel it, so she deliberately squirmed against him and he growled lightly in warning.

She leaned her head back on his shoulder, looking up awkwardly at him, "Do you really have to go?" she asked, a slight whine to her voice.

He looked above her, his eyes on the horizon. "We need supplies," he said simply and then looked down into her eyes, "especially with the little one coming soon."

She sighed, resting her sore back as she leaned into his embrace, "I know," she said softly, "I'll miss you," she whispered, her hands covering his.

"It's only one day," he said, smiling down at her indulgently.

"I'll still miss you," she insisted.

He kissed the top of her head, "I know," he whispered.

-000-

Kolya was due back today. Meredith paced nervously, her hormones at their pinnacle, her worry impulses at an all time high.

Then he was home, his pack, heavy with goods, resting easily across his broad shoulders.

He dropped the pack to the floor as she flew at him, clutching wildly to assure herself that he was indeed home, safely.

He laughed, the low thunder of it vibrating Meredith's cheek, and wrapped his strong arms around her.

"I was so worried," Meredith exclaimed into his shirt, the muskiness of his scent mixing with the foul odor of animals in close quarters and the various strong spices of exotic foods.

Kolya dug in his pocket for a moment, his other hand still wrapped firmly around her. Pulling out a violet handkerchief, he unfolded it as she watched, pulling away without releasing her grip.

It was a small silver ring- two bands intertwined together.

"It's beautiful!" she gushed. Kolya smiled, sliding it on her finger. It fit perfectly.

She looked up at him, tears welling.

"It means forever," he said softly. She smiled weakly before crushing him to her once again.

"I love you," she mumbled into his chest. He tightened his grip momentarily, returning the words in his own way. They stood there a few seconds longer before he took her by the shoulders, pulling her away from him so he could see her face.

"Did you sleep at all?" he asked, concerned.

She scoffed, "As if I could sleep! Anything could have happened to you while you were away!"

"You know you need your rest," he said with a sigh and a smile, happy to be home.

"I'll rest later," she said simply before grabbing the back of his neck, yanking him down to her level, and kissing him soundly.

They stumbled towards the bed, neither denying that they needed this release, this comfort that they were both still alive.

She was wearing a loose skirt for precisely this reason, and Kolya was positioning himself carefully above her when the door of the cabin slammed open.

"Get off her. Now." Sheppard commanded coldly, the dark outline of his gun glinting faintly in the warm sunlight.


	19. Chapter 14 NS

Chap 14: Non Slashy-

"How is she, Carson?" Sheppard asked worriedly, standing next to Rodney's bed. 

Carson sighed, and Sheppard's heart sank.

"She landed badly, but the scans show no permanent damage- to her back at least. She took a nasty crack to the head… if she doesn't wake up soon…"

"She was talking to me when I found her!" Sheppard exclaimed.

Carson nodded, "Yes, but you also said she wasn't coherent."

Sheppard nodded wearily, remembering that terrified kiss, "Did you find… anything else?" he asked quietly, not quite wanting to know the answer.

Carson frowned deeply, "There was no sign of… recent trauma, aside from the ligature marks, of course, but… if something did occur in the beginning of her… captivity I probably wouldn't be able to tell now. Not after two months… not unless it was particularly _violent_."

John shuddered at the thought. But Rodney acted as if Kolya had been punishing her for _not_ participating. If Kolya had done… something, surely he wouldn't… But Sheppard had to know.

"Carson, will you stay with her a little while? I have something I need to do."

Carson nodded and sat, and Sheppard took off towards the brig.

-000-

"Ah, Colonel Sheppard, I was wondering when you would appear. Here to interrogate me?" Kolya asked, smirking as he leaned back comfortably in the single cot provided for him, the crackling force field of the cell tingeing his features an odd blue. 

Sheppard dismissed the guards and stood outside the cell, glaring at Kolya.

"What did you do to Rodney?"

Kolya's smirk widened, "What, the loquacious Doctor hasn't told you yet? How unusual."

Sheppard continued to glare, "She hasn't woken up yet. Now, tell me, what did you do to her?"

Kolya leaned forward, "Raped her, Sheppard. Repeatedly. And she _enjoyed _it."

Sheppard snarled, just restraining himself from smashing a fist into the force field, "Kolya!" he said, his voice just seconds from implosion.

Kolya relaxed, the smirk reappearing, "At least, that's what I could have done, Sheppard. I had her for two months. And you would never know if that was the truth, except…" he stood and faced Sheppard, straitening into a military stance, "I didn't. I did take her for sex. I was going to take it from her, and then, I was probably going to kill her when I was through. I honestly don't know, I wasn't exactly thinking with my mind, if you understand my meaning."

Sheppard had paled; the thought process of the man before him horrifying to hear, "What stopped you, then?" he asked.

Kolya half-turned away from him, gazing at the wall.

"She's very brave, you know." Kolya's eyes slid over to meet Sheppard's before returning to the wall. "She fought back. First," Kolya chuckled, amused, "she used a knife to wedge the door shut on me and nearly got eaten by a wolf. Then, after _I _rescued her," Kolya said pointedly, "I tied her to the bed… just for safety's sake."

Sheppard growled lowly at this, remembering the bloodstained rope, hating to envision Rodney in _that_ position with _this_ man.

"And still she fought. Threw me off the bed, in fact," Kolya chuckled again, shaking his head.

Sheppard swelled proudly. _His _Rodney had thrown _Kolya_ off of a bed!

Kolya looked at him then, noting the pride in Sheppard's stance.

"That's when I decided I wanted her to choose to be with me. But now I see I was mistaken. She would have never chosen me." Kolya turned towards him, a small smile playing across his rocky features, "She already had you."

-000-

AN: Sorry it's so short. I'm thinking about starting a new story- a bunch of short ones tied together- about things Kolya could have done. The Kolya Nightmares? What do you think? Would you read it?


	20. Chapter 14 S

Chap 14: Slashy

Kolya stood slowly, keeping his hands out to his sides to appear as non-threatening as possible. His back was to Sheppard, his hands held up in the air- just high enough to assure the tightly wound man wouldn't think he was going for a nonexistent weapon. 

Meredith was still lying in the bed, her face a blend of shock and fear, her eyes watching Kolya's for direction on what to do. His eyes gripped hers, telling her to remain where she was and let him handle it, his face flickering with the shadow of a reassuring smile. 

Kolya turned slowly, keeping himself between the man in the doorway and Meredith. 

"Sheppard," Kolya said quietly, trying to judge just how angry the other soldier was before making a move.

"Kolya," Sheppard spat, his gun unwaveringly sighted on Kolya's heart. 

They stood there for a moment before movement behind Kolya drew Sheppard's attention and made Kolya tense, his arms lowering into a protective gesture. 

Meredith bumped him slightly as she stood, and it was only Sheppard's raise of the gun that stopped Kolya from grabbing her arm and forcing her to stay behind him. As Meredith moved to Kolya's side, her condition was revealed.

Sheppard took an involuntary step back, his face blanching before he flushed in anger.

"I should kill you where you stand, Kolya!" Sheppard snarled, his finger twitching towards the trigger.

Meredith stood tall and slid in front of Kolya, blocking his body with her own.

"You won't hurt him, Sheppard," she said, shaking back her long blonde hair in a gesture of authority. 

Sheppard's eyes narrowed, "Well, we'll see about that," he said menacingly, his anger apparent. 

Meredith's eyes flashed and she started to step forward before Kolya's hand gripped her shoulder, holding her close to him.

Sheppard's gun flinched upwards, aiming at Kolya's head.

"Let her go," he said.

Meredith reached up and grabbed Kolya's hand before he could move, "He was protecting _you_," she said snarkily, pressing herself back against Kolya.

Sheppard finally looked at her- really looked, not just assessed her physical status, but _looked_ at her. What he saw made him flinch.

She was beautiful, and that in itself was disturbing, as Sheppard remembered exactly who she was, her blue eyes fiery and blonde hair streaked by the sun. Her face was glowing, like Teyla's had when she was pregnant. All in all she looked healthy and well cared for, except…

"You're pregnant," Sheppard stated.

Meredith rolled her eyes slightly, "Yes, I'm pregnant."

"Is it _his_?" Sheppard asked, sickened.

Meredith looked affronted, "Of course it is!"

Sheppard looked ill, glaring up at Kolya with hatred. 

"I'm going to kill you," he said lowly, stepping forward.

Kolya tensed and moved, grabbing Meredith and turning so that he stood between her and Sheppard, Sheppard's gun boring an invisible hole between Kolya's shoulder blades as he hunched protectively over her.

And then Sheppard's gun was drilling into the base of his skull, the cold metal forming goose bumps where it touched.

"Let her go," Sheppard snarled.

Kolya loosened his grip, but Meredith clung to him, startled and frightened by the sudden activity. 

Sheppard's gun pressed harder, and Kolya could not hold back a grunt of pain as it pressed into his skull. Meredith's wide blue eyes looked up at him in confusion. 

"Go," he whispered, releasing her completely, "wait outside. Whatever you hear… don't come back in."

She nodded, her eyes welling. She slid out from his arms, slipped past Sheppard, and stood at the base of the stairs leading into the house, her ears searching for any hint of what the two men were saying.

-000-

With Meredith safely outside, Kolya stood, Sheppard's gun still pressed to his head.

"I should kill you now," Sheppard stated, his voice so emotionless that Kolya couldn't tell if he was planning on killing him, or just stating a fact.

Kolya turned, the gun barrel scraping along his throat as he moved. He faced Sheppard, meeting his hard eyes.

"Don't," Kolya said simply.

Sheppard's eyes narrowed, "Why shouldn't I? I've been searching for over nine months. Now that I've finally found you, and my worst fears have been so obviously confirmed, why shouldn't I just shoot you and be done with it! Give me one good reason!" Sheppard demanded, his gun digging in as he spoke.

Kolya stood, unmoving, unaggressive, and said simply, "She loves me, Sheppard."

Sheppard barked out a laugh, "Loves you!"

"I'm not asking you not to kill me, Sheppard. Just, for her sake, let her think you stranded me here."

"For her sake?" Sheppard asked incredulously, "And why would _you_ do anything for her sake?"

Kolya's face twisted in anger, "You are a fool, Sheppard! Do you think I would ask a favor of you, my most hated enemy, if I didn't love her also! Kill me now, and she will hate you for the rest of her -undoubtedly short- days."

Sheppard's eyes narrowed in suspicion, "Fine," he said, backing away and pulling out a Wraith stunner.

"May I tell her goodbye?" Kolya asked tightly, his voice closing up on him as he thought about seeing her for the last time.

"No funny business," Sheppard said, gesturing towards the door with the stunner. Kolya nodded.

-000-

"Acastus!" Meredith cried, wrapping around him the moment he set foot on the dirt outside.

He wrapped his arms around her, relishing the feeling of her body pressed against his, breathing in the earthy sweetness of her scent.

He was well aware that Sheppard stood warily at the top of the stairs, watching.

"You have to go with him," Kolya said without releasing his hold.

She looked up at him, her eyes wide, "Why? Why can't I stay here with you?"

"You just can't, my love," he said gently, his fingers twisting the end of her hair.

"I'm not going! Not without you!"

"Shh, shh. Sheppard and I have made an agreement. If you go with him now, he will let me live. If not, he will kill me and take you."

"No!" Meredith sobbed, her arms tightening around him, "I won't. I won't leave."

Kolya pulled away slightly, taking her hands in his. His fingers twirled the ring he had given her.

"Forever, remember? As long as you wear this ring, I will be with you," he whispered, and then his voice rose, "They will take care of you, and of our child. Now, go!"

Meredith kissed him, tears rolling down her cheeks, and then backed away. 

Sheppard clomped down the stairs and looked at Kolya, his eyes displeased. He raised the stunner and fired- twice. 

As Kolya fell limply to the ground, Meredith whimpered slightly, forcing herself not to run to his side. She glared at Sheppard as he approached, holstering the stunner.

"What? He's just stunned," Sheppard said, "Come on, let's go home."

With a scowl of displeasure, Meredith crossed her arms and followed Sheppard towards the gate.


	21. Chapter 15 NS

AN: Wow! Over 200 reviews! Thank you so much!

Chap 15: Non Slashy-

"You're sicker than I thought you were," Sheppard spat, his face twisted in disgust. "_She_ happens to be McKay- my best friend, but _in no way_ mine! Maybe if you could just get it through your thick skull that _she_ is a HE, you wouldn't have such a hard time realizing why Rodney rejected your advances!"

"McKay currently inhabits a female body, Sheppard. Whatever his proclivities, he still possesses a body that I find attractive, and, now that I know _exactly_ who I am dealing with, I'm sure McKay and I could come to some sort of… understanding," Kolya said, a lascivious smirk on his face.

Sheppard trembled, holding back his anger with tenuous control, "You really ARE sick, Kolya. You will _never_ get your hands on Rodney- female or otherwise," Sheppard snarled and stormed from the cell, his anger evident on his face.

He had to get back to Rodney. He had promised he wouldn't leave him alone, and after Kolya's words, he could certainly use the reassurance himself.

Rodney was still lying there, in the same position as when he had left, Carson filling out charts in the chair beside him.

"Oh, back so soon, Lad? I hoped you had stopped for a bite to eat," Carson said, prodding gently. 

"No," Sheppard said simply, collapsing into the chair that Carson had vacated. He was wasted, the extent of his energy wrung out of him by the emotional rollercoaster he had been put through today, and, really, the tension of these past two months. 

Carson checked Rodney out one more time. When he looked over at Sheppard, he smiled slightly. Sheppard was snoring, his head tilted over at an odd angle, his legs crossed, slunk down in the chair. Carson covered him with a blanket and turned down the lights, leaving the two friends in the isolation room to their sleep. 

-000-

The echoic, muted sounds of alarms sounded far away in the quiet isolation room, the low hum of Sheppard's radio vibrated against the floor. But both of those noises went unnoticed, superseded by Sheppard's harsh breathing and loud grunts, the only sounds able to get through the rough gag stuffed into his mouth. 

Kolya stood, sneering, in front of Sheppard.

"I told you, Sheppard, that McKay and I would come to an understanding. It is unfortunate that McKay is not awake. I was planning on using this knife to persuade him," Kolya said, the belt knife glinting as he put it away, "but I suppose I will have to adapt."

Sheppard grunted wildly, his bound hands tied tightly to the chair.

Kolya set the 9mm he had taken off his guard down on the bedside table and clambered up onto Rodney's hospital bed, yanking free the I.V. as he moved.

Sheppard's chair screeched across the floor as he flung himself forward with abandon, fighting to stop Kolya.

Kolya looked over from his place atop Rodney's bed and smirked.

"Don't worry, Sheppard. When I'm done, I won't kill him. In fact," Kolya said, stroking Rodney's unconscious face with one finger, "He will be quite useful to me. I will use him to escape, and then… I'll just use him."

Sheppard growled.

Kolya looked over once again, "But you won't be around to witness it, Sheppard. When I'm done here, the first thing I'm going to do is kill you. I'm only letting you live this long so that you can witness the futility of your little _rescue_."

Sheppard's eyes were dark with hate.

Kolya turned back to McKay, discarding the blankets that separated him from McKay's lithe female body.

"Mmm. She smells good, like vanilla," Kolya said softly.

He kissed her, his tongue pressing in through unresisting lips.

And then McKay moved, turning his head with a moan of confusion. Sheppard tried to scream his name through the gag, tried to get him to open his eyes and see the danger he was in. It seemed to work, Rodney's eyes fluttering open to look up blankly at Kolya, hovering above him.

"K-Kolya?' Rodney asked weakly.

"Yes, Doctor McKay, it is I."

Rodney let out a moan, his eyes still unfocused.

"I know who you are now, McKay, and I intend to use that information to my _full_ advantage- after I take what is mine, that is," Kolya said, lowering to kiss her once more.

"Get off me!" Rodney said, pushing up weakly. He looked over at Sheppard, his eyes wide, "I-I can't move my legs!" he moaned, fear clouding his face.

Kolya chuckled, "That's too bad, Doctor. I will have to move them for you."

Rodney whimpered as Kolya spread his legs, the short hospital gown riding up on his hips.

"No! No…" Rodney moaned, still pushing Kolya away. Kolya pulled the knife and lowered it menacingly to Rodney's throat, letting the edge of the blade push in just far enough to show a line of red. Rodney swallowed, visibly trembling, and stopped pushing, his arms falling limply to his sides.

"Very good, Doctor. Your cooperation will make everything so much easier for you," Kolya said, sheathing the knife with a loud snick. 

Rodney turned her head to look pleadingly at Sheppard, unconscious tears running from her eyes.

"Help me," she whispered, her voice lost in terror.

Sheppard, tears of frustration escaping, sat frozen in horror- helpless.

As Kolya started to undo his pants, Rodney reached out towards Sheppard, as if just touching him could free them both.

Rodney felt as something skimmed across his inner thigh, and his hand fell to the table, landing limply on cold metal.

And then Rodney, in one smooth motion, raised his leg, shoved Kolya off, and shot the gun- one, two, three, four times.


	22. Chapter 15 S

Chap 15: Slashy-

Meredith glared at Sheppard's back, staying a few paces behind him. She would never have left Kolya, but she didn't trust Sheppard- she was sure he wouldn't hesitate to kill Kolya if she didn't cooperate.

Sheppard glanced back, raising an eyebrow.

"Come on, Rodney! Don't you want to go home?" he asked.

"My name's Meredith," she said sourly, her arms still crossed.

"Meredith? You hate that name! And what was that scene with Kolya back there?! I mean, what are you trying to do? I was _rescuing_ you; you didn't have to act all _lovey_ towards him anymore." Sheppard grimaced, walking backwards as he spoke, "I'm sure that acting that way kept him from _hurting_ you all this time, but you didn't have to keep up the act!"

Meredith clenched her fists, "Act! I'm not acting! I love Kolya, and he loves me! And the _only_ reason I'm going with you is because you threatened to kill him if I didn't!"

Sheppard came to a dead stop, his mouth hanging open in shock.

Meredith strode forward, shoving her swollen belly into Sheppard's stomach as she pushed an impatient finger in his chest.

"And another thing, _Sheppard_, this child is most definitely Kolya's, despite YOUR efforts!"

"W-What?! _My_ efforts? What are you talking about?!"

Meredith dug her finger into Sheppard's chest as she spoke, pained tears starting to well up in her eyes.

"That- that _reward_ you offered, and don't deny it was your idea, almost cost me my child! Do you have any idea what they did to me?! What Kolya rescued me from?!" Her voice broke, her finger still pressed to Sheppard's chest as tears fell down from her closed eyes.

Sheppard swallowed dryly, he had been trying to forget- these last seven months- those bloody boots that sat, tucked away, in the corner of his room.

"God, Rodney… I'm SO sorry," Sheppard said quietly, his hand reaching to grip her shoulder in a gesture of comfort.

She jerked away as his hand settled, stomping away from him and wiping angrily at her tears.

"My _name_ is Meredith, Sheppard."

Sheppard sighed, dropping his still-hovering hand.

"Okay, Meredith. Let's just go home."

Meredith glared at him and marched purposefully past, "I _am_ home."

-000-

Atlantis seemed like a foreign land to Meredith as she entered it, a rush of memories accompanying the Puddle Jumper flight through the gate.

She sat in the Jumper for a moment, just catching her breath and trying to organize the influx of memories.

Sheppard clanged down the ramp, talking quietly to the small group waiting at the bottom.

Sheppard glanced backwards, impatient for her to join them- Weir, Carson and a medical team waited, peering hopefully into the concealing darkness of the Jumper.

"Are you coming, Rodney?" Sheppard asked, his hands on his hips.

Meredith stood with a sigh, "My name," she said, stepping into the light, "is Meredith."

There were a chorus of gasps, Weir covering her mouth, Carson's jaw dropping open with a strangled sound- his face a mix of shock and horror. The medics stood, one looking confused at the outburst over a pregnant woman, the other chattering quietly but rapidly that the _woman_ was actually a _man_, to which the medic's face paled considerably and he took a step back as if pregnancy- or sex change- was contagious.

"Bloody Hell," Carson whispered before shaking his head and getting to work.

"Welcome back, Doctor McKay," Weir said diplomatically, as always schooling her face to a pleasant mask to hide her true feelings.

Meredith smiled weakly at her, remembering vaguely that she was a friend, "Hello, Elizabeth."

"Bloody Hell, Rodn- uhm, Meredith; what have you gotten into this time?!" Carson asked.

Meredith looked at him dryly, only the strong affection she felt for him tempering her acidic reaction.

"Gee, Carson. With all your medical training, you still can't recognize a pregnant woman? I think you need to practice on a few more sheep."

Carson tried to look offended, but couldn't hide a smile at the familiar scathing tone.

"Aye there, Lass. I can see that! How you got that way however…" Carson's face fell in thought.

Meredith shifted, feeling uncomfortable with the sudden looks of pity being thrown her way.

"Well, you see Carson, the stork flies in…" she said, her face twisting unhappily.

Sheppard interrupted, and Meredith felt momentarily thankful.

"Why don't you just take her to the infirmary and check her out, Doc? I've got to go, and I know you and Meredith are dying to catch up."

Carson and Sheppard shared a weighty look, "Yes, yes of course. Come on, Meredith; let's get you checked out properly, eh?" Carson said, taking her gently by the arm and leading her towards the infirmary. She grumbled, but went willingly, the medics following behind cautiously, still whispering about the latest occurrence.

When they were out of earshot, Sheppard turned to Weir, "I'm going back to get Kolya," he said.

Weir looked startled, "Get Kolya? But I assumed…"

Sheppard grimaced slightly, "He's still alive. As you can see, Rodney's a little… I felt it best that I didn't kill Kolya right in front of him, even though it was very difficult to resist. Very."

Weir nodded, "You did at least knock him out or something, right?"

Sheppard grinned, "Yah, I had the stunner," he said, patting the gun happily, "Shot him twice with it. He should still be out for hours."

Weir sighed, "Okay. Well, bring him back… but don't worry too much about his condition, huh?" she said quietly, her eyes fiery. Sheppard was reminded, one more time, that it was very dangerous to make her angry.

Sheppard nodded, his face serious once again, and returned to the Jumper.

-000-

Kolya awoke in one of Atlantis' famed cells, the blue glow of the force field hissing subliminally in his ears.

He rose abruptly to his feet, his eyes immediately meeting Sheppard's accusing stare.

Kolya looked around without moving, only his eyes scanned the small cell, taking in every nuance.

"So, Kolya, how do you like your new home?" Sheppard asked sarcastically, arms crossed.

Kolya raised an eyebrow, "To be honest, I was expecting to wake up dead."

Sheppard laughed wryly and approached the cell, "To be honest, if it was up to me, you would be."

Sheppard pulled away, pacing as he stood just outside the cell walls.

"Why, Kolya? Why keep her for _nine months_? Why take her in the first place?"

"You wouldn't understand," Kolya said softly.

Sheppard paused, "Try me!"

Kolya sighed and sat on the cot provided for him.

"Meredith is… the most frustrating, willful, aggravating, and beautiful woman I have ever met."

Sheppard stared silently, unimpressed.

Kolya continued, "I took her, originally, as bait to kill you. She was the easiest to capture, and I knew that you would never leave a man, or woman, behind. She was perfect."

"I came," Sheppard said.

"Yes, you came. But it was too late. You see," Kolya said, finally looking up at Sheppard, "Meredith and I had already gotten to know each other."

Sheppard blanched. Did Kolya mean that, even before he had taken her though the gate he had…? And then the tears rolling down Rodney's cheeks snapped into Sheppard's mind. Rodney had _known_ what Kolya had planned, and HE had _let_ Kolya take her through the gate! Oh, God, what had he done! He should have shot, he should have tried. If he'd had known, or thought!

Kolya continued, "I abandoned my plans and took her." He looked up intensely, "I do not regret it."

"Well, maybe _she_ does!" Sheppard shouted, his face almost brushing the field.

Kolya stood and faced him angrily, "Do not speak of things you do not know, Sheppard! You were not the one who rescued her from mercenaries- on your payroll- too late to save her from being raped! You were not the one who breathed life into her when she lay bleeding and naked! You were not the one who stayed with her when she cried for fear that the assault had cost her our child, nor did you see the joy on her face as our child grew within her! You know _nothing_ of what she does and does not regret!"

Sheppard stepped back, confronted by Kolya's raw pain.

"And you are not the one who had to tell the one he loves that she had to leave him, knowing that he would never see her nor our unborn child again! Do not talk to me of regrets, Sheppard!"

Kolya turned away abruptly; his hands clenched at his sides, and stared at the back of the cell, his back firmly to Sheppard.

When Sheppard left, no one was there to witness Kolya's slow collapse onto the cot, nor did the camera pick up the silent tears that never escaped his eyes.


	23. Chapter 16 NS

Chap 16: Not Slashy-

Rodney slid out of the bed, the gun trembling violently in her shaky hands. Without taking her eyes off of Kolya's still body, Rodney backed towards Sheppard. With one hand still pointing the gun, Rodney managed to free Sheppard.

As soon as he was free, Sheppard spat out the gag and stood slowly, one eye on Rodney, the other on Kolya.

"Rodney, give me the gun," Sheppard said softly, reaching unhurriedly to slip the gun from Rodney's icy fingers.

Sheppard carefully approached the body of Kolya, taking his pulse with a cautious hesitance.

Dead.

Sheppard sighed and relaxed his arm, "He's dead," he said with quiet relief. He turned to look at Rodney when he heard no response.

Rodney was swaying on her feet, her face pale, almost bloodless.

"God, Rodney! Sit down before you fall down," Sheppard said, moving quickly to help her collapse in the chair, the thin hospital gown emphasizing her fragile appearance.

Finally, as Sheppard knelt beside Rodney's chair, the isolation room door flew open; Ronon, Lorne and two other airmen piling in, guns raised.

Ronon took in the scene with sharp eyes, lowering his gun immediately.

"Looks like Kolya's been taken care of," Ronon rumbled.

Sheppard nodded wearily, "Yah, he's dead. You wouldn't believe what happened! I…"

Sheppard was cut off by Rodney's suddenly strident voice, "Sheppard shot him, end of story."

Sheppard looked at her in shock, "Rodney! I…"

"Can I just go to my quarters now?" Rodney asked wearily, cutting him off once again.

Carson, who had been listening from just outside the door, suddenly entered the conversation.

"Aye, Rodney, you can go to your quarters," Carson said.

"'Kay," Rodney mumbled, waving to her feet.

"But…" Carson continued, "I want you to use a wheelchair, and I would prefer if someone kept you company for a little while."

Rodney nodded complacently, shuffling towards the door. Sheppard followed quickly, slinging an arm under Rodney's rapidly weakening body and practically carrying her to the nearby wheelchair.

"I'll stay with him, Doc," Sheppard said, quickly wheeling Rodney out before the doctor could come up with a list of limitations.

-000-

They were silent until they reached Rodney's quarters. The room was untouched except the bed had been made and the laundry was neatly folded, awaiting Rodney's arrival.

Sheppard half-lifted Rodney out of the wheelchair and helped her into her bed, draping the blanket over the shivering woman.

Sheppard sat heavily next to the bed, eye level with Rodney's staring gaze. He ran a hand through his messy hair and sighed heavily.

"God, Rodney, what a day."

Rodney snorted slightly in response, her eyes closing.

"Rodney," Sheppard asked, "why did you lie about killing Kolya?"

Rodney didn't open her eyes, "Easier," she said simply.

"Easier? What are you talking about?"

Rodney sighed and opened her eyes, the startling blue dimmed by exhaustion.

"If you killed him, you're a hero. No one questions you. If I killed him, then how did I get the gun? How did I take him by surprise?"

"But…"

Rodney sighed and closed her eyes, "And if I tell them that I got the gun when he was about to… rape me, then they'll look at me with that stupid pity/blame look. And somehow it'll be my fault."

Sheppard swallowed, ill, "Rodney, about that…"

Rodney's eyes cracked open.

"I should have never let Kolya get the drop on me like that. You should have never been put in that position."

"Not your fault," Rodney mumbled sleepily.

Sheppard looked away, "You should have never been put in any position alone with Kolya. It was my fault. I should have never made you go on that mission. I should have shot Kolya when I had the chance."

"John!" Rodney said strongly, her eyes still closed, "I forgave you a long time ago. Let it go. I'm home."

Sheppard looked back and smiled weakly, "Yah, Rodney, you're home. Sleep now."

"'Kay," Rodney mumbled, drifting off, soft snoring gradually filling the room.

"Anything could have happened to you, Rodney. Anything…" Sheppard said, shuddering. He wiped the soft blonde hair from Rodney's forehead, resting his hand on the crown of her head protectively.

And that's the way Sheppard fell asleep, 9-mil drawn and resting in a loose grip on his thigh.

-000-

Sheppard woke up abruptly, a scream dying on his lips as he shot to his feet.

Rodney moaned, turning restlessly on the bed, but all else was silence.

His breath coming in heaving gulps, Sheppard had to force his fingers to unclench around the trigger of his gun. The dream had seemed so real. Kolya was there, and Sheppard was helpless, still tied to the chair, and Rodney was awake and screaming his name as Kolya…

Sheppard ran into the bathroom and vomited up bile, his empty stomach churning as he gripped the bowl with shaky hands. He leaned his head against the cool tile, trying to wipe the image from his mind, trying to keep the rapidly threatening tears from falling.

"Sheppard!" Rodney screamed, her high pitched screech cracking in panic.

Sheppard scrambled back into the room.

Rodney was sitting up in the bed; her arms were crossed, and she was rocking back and forth, tears pouring down her face.

"S-Sheppard," she sobbed, relief appearing on her face, "I thought this was a dream. I thought I was back, and Kolya was…"

Sheppard stumbled to her, instinctively sitting on the bed and wrapping his arms around her, slowing her frantic rocking.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay. I'm here. He's dead. He can't hurt you."

Rodney sniffed and, without releasing his death-grip on Sheppard, snarked, "I know he's dead. I killed him, remember?!"

Sheppard chuckled weakly, "As I recall, _I _killed him, or are you changing our story?"

"Humph," Rodney muttered, "Smart aleck."

Sheppard chuckled honestly then, the tension oozing from them at the familiar banter.

"Are you going to let go?" Rodney asked finally.

Sheppard didn't move, "Do you want me to?" he asked.

Rodney sniffed and buried her head in Sheppard's chest, "Not really," she said, "God, I hate this body!"

"It's not that bad," Sheppard said softly.

"Ha! That's what you think. You try being a girl for a while, see how you like it."

"No, I mean it, Rodney," Sheppard said, drawing away to look at her, "You're actually… kinda pretty."

Rodney raised an eyebrow, "Are you hitting on me? I knew your Kirk tendencies would come out!"

Sheppard laughed, hugging her close before releasing her and standing.

"Naw, I could never stand that acid tongue of yours- we'd never work out," Sheppard said playfully.

Rodney stood, her hands on her hips, leaning only slightly against the bed for support.

"The fact that I'm really a man wouldn't complicate things at all, eh?"

Sheppard made a face, as if contemplating it. Rodney punched him in the arm.

"Ow!" Sheppard said weakly, still grinning.

There was a knock on Rodney's door.

"Come!" they said simultaneously. Rodney glared and Sheppard gave a little shrug.

The door slid open to reveal Radek, a lopsided smile on his face.

"Welcome back, Rodney," he said politely, nodding towards Sheppard in acknowledgement.

"Radek," McKay greeted, leaning back against the bed.

Radek paused before a sour look from Rodney prompted him to continue.

"Oh! Oh, yes. I wanted to tell you I fixed machine," Radek said.

"The Ancient sex-change machine?!" Sheppard asked, astounded. Last he had heard it was still a mystery.

Rodney glared at Sheppard, "No, the XBOX. Of course he's talking about the stupid Ancient machine!"

Radek grinned, his hair waving back and forth as he nodded excitedly.

"You can be old, cranky self again!" Radek said elatedly.

"Oh, joy," Sheppard muttered, his smile belaying his words.

"Well," Rodney clapped her hands together and took a step forward, "what are we waiting for? Let's go get me manly again!"

"Again?" Sheppard snarked.

Rodney rolled her eyes and plopped into the wheelchair, "Ha ha. Let's just go, okay?"

"Hi ho, Silver," Sheppard mumbled, pushing the wheelchair out the door, Radek trailing behind them humming what sounded disturbingly like the Lone Ranger theme song.


	24. Chapter 16 S

Chap 16: Slashy-

"Colonel, we've got a problem," Carson said as soon as Sheppard entered the infirmary.

Sheppard glared at him and raised an eyebrow, still riled from his confrontation with Kolya.

"You think?"

Carson frowned and then continued, pulling Sheppard into his office so that they could speak in private.

"As it is obvious that Rod… Meredith is pregnant; I won't bother telling you that. The thing is… during her captivity, there was _damage_ done."

Sheppard ran a hand through his hair, grimacing.

Carson shifted uncomfortably, "I wouldn't be telling you this except… I think you have to know. Meredith… she won't survive the birth."

Sheppard straightened abruptly, his hand unconsciously resting on the butt of his gun, as if this was something he could fight.

"Won't SURVIVE?!" he asked, his voice rising unintentionally. "Doc, there's got to be _something_ you can do!"

Carson nodded, "I can try a c-section. It will be difficult, but the child will live. Meredith's chances will improve- but not much."

Sheppard's face hardened, "Are you telling me that we searched for nine month, only to rescue him in time to find out that he's going to die?" Sheppard's fist slammed into Carson's desk, scattering folders across the floor, "That is unacceptable!"

Carson glowered, "I'm telling you what my options are, Colonel! I'm not any happier about it than you!"

Sheppard cooled quickly, deliberately relaxing his fists, "I know, Doc. Sorry about the mess. I'm just…" Sheppard rubbed his forehead, covering his eyes for a moment, "It's all my fault. If I hadn't let Kolya take him…" he cleared his throat, raising his eyes, "Have you told Rod… Meredith yet?"

"Yes," Carson said softly, "She was worried more about the baby than her own chances. I tried to tell her… but she won't listen. She says she'll be fine. That my 'voodoo' is just exaggerating things. Maybe, if you spoke with her… she needs to be prepared."

Sheppard winced but nodded, "I don't think I'm at the top of his friends list right now, but I'll try."

Carson nodded and patted him on the shoulder.

-000-

"I'm not going to die!" Meredith shouted, her arms waving wildly as she spoke.

"But what if you do?!" Sheppard shouted back, his face red with frustration, "Who will take care of your baby? Have you made any plans? Spoken to anyone about it? Or are you going to just _hope_ that we can find a safe place in this Wraith-infested galaxy for it to live?!"

Angry tears ran down Meredith's cheeks, "This is all your fault! If you'd have just left me on that planet with Kolya…"

Sheppard interrupted, "Then you and your child would die! Do you really want that?!"

"No," Meredith whispered, looking down at her swollen belly.

Sheppard continued, oblivious, the isolation room reverberating with his voice, "This is all Kolya's fault! He _hurt_ you! He is the one that is endangering your life right now! I should kill him!"

Meredith's icy voice broke in, "_Kolya_ NEVER hurt me! Never! It's YOUR fault! It was your reward, your _bounty_" she spat the word, "that hurt me! If I die, then you are the one who killed me!"

Sheppard rocked back, his face suddenly white.

"Get out!" Meredith screamed, pointing to the door, "I never want to see you again! GET OUT!"

Sheppard left, his hands fumbling at the doorknob, unable to turn away from Meredith's accusing eyes. _You killed me._ _Your fault._

When he was gone, Meredith buried her face in the pillow and wept.

-000-

Like a ghost, Sheppard drifted through the hallways, unable to stand still, unable to stop thinking, Meredith's word's echoing over and over again in his mind.

At last he stopped before a door, deep within the bowls of Atlantis. The brig.

Dismissing the guards, Sheppard entered.

"Kolya," Sheppard called.

Kolya was sitting on the cot, his back to the door. He didn't respond.

"Kolya!" Sheppard called again.

This time Kolya turned, shuffling around to face him. Kolya eyed Sheppard, noting the darkness beneath his eyes, his haunted expression.

"Having trouble sleeping, Sheppard?" Kolya asked.

"When the baby is born she might die," Sheppard said abruptly. He didn't know why he was telling Kolya this, but he had to tell someone. Had to blame someone.

Kolya's eyes widened and he stood, striding quickly to the cell door so that he could look Sheppard in the eyes.

"Meredith?" Kolya asked.

Sheppard nodded and for a moment the pain shone through his eyes from behind the mask he was wearing.

"She _might_ die?" Kolya asked, his voice begging for reprieve, "Why? What went wrong? She seemed to be fine before…"

"She was hurt. She says by those men… not by you."

Kolya's eyes half-closed, "I would never hurt her. Even the first time I was very careful not to…"

Sheppard cut him off, "The first time she fought you, didn't she?" he asked, blame thick in his throat.

Kolya nodded, his face grim and eyes distant.

"You raped her. Just like those men."

"Yes," Kolya said immediately, no denial in his voice.

"Why?" Sheppard snarled, his throat closed in pain.

Kolya met his eyes, "Because I could."

Sheppard resisted the urge to slam his fist into the metal bars. He turned and started towards the exit before he did something he would not regret.

"Sheppard, wait!" Kolya called.

Sheppard paused without turning around.

"When the time comes… I have to know," Kolya said, a hint of pleading in his voice.

Sheppard continued forward without responding.

"I love her," Kolya said softly, the sincerity once again catching Sheppard off guard.

Sheppard nodded and left.

-000-

Sheppard only went back to Meredith's room because he had first checked to make sure she was asleep.

He stood there, watching her chest rise and fall. Her back was to him and she looked the way she had nine months ago, the vaguely familiar female body unchanged by the growth of new life.

"I want Jeanie to take care of him," Meredith said suddenly, startling Sheppard from his thoughts.

"W-what?" Sheppard asked.

Meredith's hand appeared from under the blanket, shoving a folded letter towards Sheppard.

"My sister, Jeanie. If I… if something happens to me, I want Jeanie to take care of my child. He'll be safer on Earth than anywhere else."

"Did… did you tell her…"

Meredith cut him off, "No. I wrote two letters. One from 'A Mother' and one from me, explaining things a little bit."

"Oh," Sheppard said, picking up the papers gently.

"And Sheppard," Meredith said, her arm disappearing back under the cover, "I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'm starting to remember more, and I know how hard it was for you not to kill Kolya when you had the chance. Thank you."

Sheppard cleared his throat, unable to respond.

"I really do love him," Meredith said softly, "And, no matter what happens, I don't regret it."

Sheppard was silent a long time before responding, "Neither does he."


	25. Chapter 17 NS

Chap 17: Non Slashy-

They were almost to the lab when the Carson's strident voice stopped them in their tracks.

"And just where do you think you're going?" Carson asked, hands on his hips.

Sheppard pasted his most ingratiating smile on his face and turned.

"We were just headed up to the lab to…"

Carson cut him off, "To put my reluctantly released patient under an untested machine that, last time, took TWO MONTHS to repair?!"

"Well, when you put it that way…" Sheppard mumbled, Rodney's voice overriding him.

"I'm NOT staying like this! Not when I have a choice!" Rodney cried, rising up from her wheelchair to wobble weakly in a stance of defiance.

Carson's face softened, "Rodney, look at you. You can hardly stand. We don't know how that machine works. You're hurt. What if it changes you back exactly the way you are now? Do you want to end up permanently disabled?"

Rodney stood there stubbornly for a moment longer before sagging back into her seat with a sigh.

"Now, now," Carson said, "it's not that bad. You'll heal quickly and by then I'll have had a chance to make sure that machine works as promised, okay?"

Rodney made a face but nodded.

"And, since you feel well enough to go to the lab, I must insist that you pay a visit to Dr. Heightmeyer."

Rodney's head shot up and she glared at Carson.

"Don't give me that look," Carson said, hands raised, "Elizabeth ordered it! I'm just the messenger."

"I'll make sure he gets there, Doc," Sheppard said, wheeling Rodney in the direction of the nearest transporter.

"Hey! Don't I get a say here?!" Rodney asked loudly.

"No," both Sheppard and Carson chorused.

Sheppard continued to push a protesting Rodney towards the transporter, ignoring her verbal barbs on the intelligence of doctors and flyboys.

-000-

Once they had reached the transporter, Rodney's protests had quieted and she sat, arms crossed, a petulant expression on her face.

Entering the transporter, Sheppard mentally locked the doors and turned Rodney's chair so that she faced him.

"Look," Sheppard said, "I know you don't want to visit the doc."

"I'm fine! I'd be finer if Carson would let me get back to normal!"

"Don't lie to me Rodney! I was there when you woke up screaming! I know that Kolya did a number on you! Whether or not you were…"

"I wasn't!" Rodney shouted, "I'm fine!"

"You're not fine!"

"How do you know?! How do any of you know how I feel?! You've never…" Rodney stopped.

"Maybe not, but I have been a prisoner of Kolya's before. I know. And, more than that, I sat there helpless when he was about to…"

"He didn't. I stopped him. Like I stopped him before," Rodney said, her mouth snapping shut as she realized she had just revealed that there was a 'before'.

"Before?" Sheppard asked, voice tense, "He tried to… before this?!"

"Of course!" Rodney said, deciding not to deny what she had already revealed, "And I stopped him!"

"How?" Sheppard asked, his voice a mix of curious and confrontational.

"None of your business," Rodney said, crossing her arms once again and sliding down in her chair.

"I saw the rope, Rodney," Sheppard said softly, squatting down to Rodney's level.

Rodney swallowed and paled, remembering.

"You didn't have a gun. You were tied to the bed. How did you stop him?"

"I didn't tell him anything," Rodney whispered, "Not even my real name."

"I know," Sheppard said.

"I… I threw him off me. I was so scared. I just fought."

"Then what?"

"He laughed," Rodney said, her voice small.

Rodney looked up into Sheppard's eyes, "I didn't stop him, did I?"

Sheppard didn't respond, holding her gaze.

"Maybe… Maybe talking to Heightmeyer isn't such a bad idea," Rodney said quietly.

"Do you…" Sheppard cleared his throat before continuing, "Do you want me to come with you?"

Rodney thought for a moment, "Yah… that'd be good."

"'Kay," Sheppard said. He stood and hit the transporter screen.

"Thanks," Rodney mumbled.

"Anytime," Sheppard responded as he turned towards the opening doors.

-000-

"Hello Rodney, Colonel," Heightmeyer greeted warmly as they entered her office.

"Doc," Sheppard said politely, "Rodney requested that I stay for the session, if that's alright?"

Heightmeyer frowned. "Are you sure, Rodney?" she asked, "There may be some _private_ things that come up."

Rodney snorted, "You'd be surprised what Sheppard already knows."

"Okay…" Heightmeyer said, confused, "Well, take a seat, Colonel, and let's get started."

Sheppard eyed the chair in the corner, but finally chose to sit next to Rodney, who had made herself comfortable on the couch.

Heightmeyer scribbled something in her journal, to which Sheppard and Rodney shared an eye-roll of exasperation.

"Let's start at the beginning…"

"A very good place to start," Sheppard mumbled, causing Rodney to snicker and Heightmeyer to purse her lips.

"You and your team were on P4X-329…" Heightmeyer started, gesturing for Rodney to complete the thought.

Rodney sighed, "Typical backwater hamlet. Nothing interesting. I wandered off," Rodney said.

"Without telling me!" Sheppard interjected, still a bit miffed.

"Yes," Rodney said, glaring, "Without notifying _him_. I ran across an unusual energy reading, which I _tried _to report…"

Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as Rodney glared at him once again. Heightmeyer took notes.

"We ate and I took first watch."

"Do you usually take first watch?" Heightmeyer asked.

Rodney shrugged, "it depends. I'm a night owl, so I don't mind."

"Is that when you were… taken?" she asked.

Sheppard leaned forward, anxious to hear just how Rodney had disappeared from under their noses.

"I was walking away from the fire… the whole night-vision-thing, you know? All of a sudden it got really quiet. And, before you ask, yes, Colonel, I _did_ reach for my gun. There were about four of them. They came out of the dark and grabbed me before I could get a shot off, gagged me before I could call for help."

"There were four?" Heightmeyer asked.

Rodney glared at her, "Well, they didn't exactly give me time to count. They had on Genii uniforms. One of them tied me up and slung me over his shoulder like a slab of meat! That hurts!"

"I know," Sheppard mumbled, rubbing his stomach in sympathetic pain.

"And how did that make you feel?" Heightmeyer asked.

"Angry," Rodney said dryly.

Heightmeyer smiled tightly, ignoring Rodney's eye roll.

"So I assume they…"

"Took me to their base, I guess. I don't know, I didn't exactly have a bird's eye view. All I know is that they dumped me in this little room. Oh, and they took all my equipment! Did you ever get my stuff back?" Rodney asked, directing the question to Sheppard.

Sheppard shrugged, "Wasn't really on my mind at the moment, Rodney."

Rodney sighed, "Oh well, there goes another perfectly good…"

Heightmeyer cleared her throat, refocusing the conversation.

"Yes, well, there was an uncomfortable moment when one of the guards decided to let me loose," Rodney said, not knowing if he should share it, but it had come out before his brain could filter his tale.

Sheppard frowned, his hands clenching as he leaned forward.

Rodney shifted, "When the guard pulled out the knife… Well, I don't like knives. But it was okay. He just cut my bonds and left."

Sheppard had tensed at the word knife, but now he leaned back and his hands unclenched.

"So you were alone? Can you describe the room for me?" Heightmeyer asked.

"It was a room," Rodney snarked, "I didn't memorize the dimensions, forgive me. Think cement and wood. That's about it."

"Then what?" Heightmeyer asked, not letting Rodney's attitude or Sheppard's grin faze her.

Rodney fell silent then, the silence lingering so long that Sheppard began to fidget nervously at Rodney's stillness.

"Rodney?" he asked softly, touching her on the shoulder.

Rodney flinched away with a gasp. Sheppard dropped his hand and shared a startled look with Heightmeyer.

"S-sorry," Rodney mumbled, "I was alone for a while. Then Kolya came."

Sheppard tensed at Kolya's name, but remained silent at the sharp look Heightmeyer sent his way.

"He didn't recognize me. He asked me who I was."

"What did you tell him?" Heightmeyer asked.

Rodney smiled slightly, glancing toward Sheppard, "I remembered what you told me," she said- talking to Sheppard, "Never give the enemy information they don't already have." Rodney switched back to Heightmeyer and answered her question, "I told him my name, just not the one he knew. I told him my name was _Meredith_," Rodney said, saying the name with a faint distaste.

"Then what?"

"Oh, he did the usual bad guy monologue. How he had this grand plan, how he was using me as bait to kill Sheppard, and, if I cooperated, I might live. Usual stuff," Rodney said, trying to be nonchalant and failing miserably.

"What was Kolya doing while he was talking?"

Rodney frowned, "Circling. I hate it when they circle! Makes them look like vultures. And the way he looked at me! Like he was… checking me out, and he wanted me to know it!" Rodney shook herself, as if throwing off a bad feeling. Sheppard was frowning intensely.

"Did you respond?" Heightmeyer asked, her voice level.

"Of course!" Rodney exclaimed, "I told him just what I thought of his little plan!"

"Uh oh," Sheppard said under his breath.

"Yah," Rodney said, rubbing his cheek in remembered pain, "He wasn't pleased. He slapped me. It hurt," Rodney mumbled, blushing. Stupid to make a big deal out of such a little thing.

Heightmeyer nodded sympathetically, "I'm sure that it did hurt. What was your response?"

Rodney smiled smugly, "I told him it was _still_ a stupid plan."

Sheppard snickered. Only Rodney would tell Kolya he was stupid… twice.

"How did he react the second time?"

Rodney frowned, "he told me I was pretty."

"What?!" Sheppard exclaimed.

Rodney winced, "It wasn't exactly a complement. He said that his men were… lonely."

Sheppard's face flushed in anger.

"He threatened you," Heightmeyer stated.

"Yes. It took me a second to get it, but when I did, I was LIVID!" Rodney said, "Can you IMAGINE?! He wouldn't have come up with something like that if I had been a man!"

"You'd be surprised," Sheppard muttered, but Rodney didn't hear it, in full rant mode now.

Heightmeyer finally cut him off, "Rodney! What happened after he threatened you?"

"Oh… oh, yah. Well, to be honest… I ranted for a while. I'm not really sure what he was doing."

Heightmeyer raised an eyebrow, prodding him to continue.

"Then it got weird," Rodney said, falling abruptly silent once again.

"Weird? Can you elaborate?" Heightmeyer asked.

"No, no. I think we're done for today! Yes, I'm sure our time's up. Let's go! Can we go?" Rodney said quickly, starting to rise.

Sheppard's firm hand pressed her back down to the couch.

"Rodney," Sheppard said simply.

"Sheppard?" Rodney said, feigning ignorance.

"Rodney," Sheppard said warningly.

"Sheppard," Rodney said tightly, pulling against his firm grip.

"You need to tell us what happened," Sheppard said.

"I don't have to," Rodney responded belligerently.

Sheppard released his grip, "No. You don't have to. But you need to."

Rodney sighed and looked at the floor.

"Get out a fresh notepad, Doctor. You're going to need it," Rodney said to Heightmeyer, continuing with his story.

Heightmeyer set down her paper and focused solely on Rodney, aware that whatever was going to be revealed was troubling to her patient.

Rodney sighed, "Kolya… I'm not sure just what happened, but all of a sudden I was pressed back into the wall. Kolya was _pressing_ me into the wall…"

TBC

AN: My mom and I have a running joke about psychiatrists- "So how does that make you feel?" "Bad." "So how does _that_ make you feel?" "Worse?" LOL.

Today was my birthday! 23… whee. I ate 4 pieces of the chocolate raspberry cake my mom made me… I'm ill… lol.


	26. Chapter 17 S

AN: Italics are thoughts.

Chap 17: Slashy-

_I don't know why I'm doing this,_ Meredith thought as she exited the Jumper. _Why does Sheppard insist on calling me Rodney?! Though it does seem familiar… _

Meredith sighed, "My name," she said, stepping onto the Jumper's ramp and into the light, "is Meredith."

There were a chorus of gasps, Weir covering her mouth, Carson's jaw dropping open with a strangled sound- his face a mix of shock and horror. The medics stood, one looking confused at the outburst over a pregnant woman, the other chattering quietly but rapidly that the _woman_ was actually a _man_, to which the medic's face paled considerably and he took a step back as if pregnancy- or sex change- was contagious.

"Bloody Hell," Carson whispered before shaking his head and getting to work.

"Welcome back, Doctor McKay," Weir said diplomatically, as always schooling her face to a pleasant mask to hide her true feelings.

Meredith smiled weakly at her, _Dr. Elizabeth Weir. _Her brain whispered, memories of the woman in front of her- rain soaked and trembling- flashing through her mind before being pushed away for the slightly more comprehensible present, "Hello, Elizabeth," Meredith managed.

"Bloody Hell, Rodn- uhm, Meredith; what have you gotten into this time?!" Carson asked.

Meredith looked at him dryly, only the strong affection she felt for him tempering her acidic reaction. _Dr. Carson Beckett._ She recalled; the sudden flash of their lips pressed together brought only a sense of disgust and wry amusement.

"Gee, Carson. With all your medical training, you still can't recognize a pregnant woman? I think you need to practice on a few more sheep."

Carson tried to look offended, but couldn't hide a smile at the familiar scathing tone.

"Aye there, Lass. I can see that! How you got that way however…" Carson's face fell in thought.

Meredith shifted, feeling uncomfortable with the sudden looks of pity being thrown her way. _I hate this. _

"Well, you see Carson, the stork flies in…" she said, her face twisting unhappily. _They think they know what happened to me, but they don't. I'm only cooperating for Kolya's sake,_ Meredith thought firmly. _But they're my friends…_

Sheppard interrupted, and Meredith felt momentarily thankful.

"Why don't you just take her to the infirmary and check her out, Doc? I've got to go, and I know you and Meredith are dying to catch up."

Carson and Sheppard shared a weighty look, "Yes, yes of course. Come on, Meredith; let's get you checked out properly, eh?" Carson said, taking her gently by the arm and leading her towards the infirmary. She grumbled, but went willingly, the medics following behind cautiously, still whispering about the latest occurrence.

-000-

Meredith winced as Carson examined her. It felt weird… unnatural.

Carson's serious expression as he pulled away, however, was, sadly, not unfamiliar at all.

_That's his uh-oh face,_ Meredith thought.

"Okay Carson, give me the bad news," Meredith said tightly, fear welling up.

Carson looked up, surprised, "H-how did you know? Oh, never mind," Carson said with a sigh, "I forgot who I was talking to for a minute."

"And, so, therefore…" Meredith prodded impatiently.

"We need to run more tests," Carson said.

"Oh, come on! Just spit it out man!"

"There's a good chance that you and the baby won't survive the birth!" Carson said suddenly, his face twisted in dismay.

_Won't survive! Oh, God! Kolya! I can't lose our baby!_

"Oh, is that all?" Meredith asked calmly, her mask firmly in place.

"Bloody hell, woman! Dinna ya hear a word I said?!" Carson exclaimed, his brogue thickening with fear.

"Oh, it's just your usual voodoo prophecies," Meredith said calmly. _What do I do? My child! What happened? I thought I was okay! What do I do?!_

"Voodoo?!" Carson cried, "Are ye mad?!"

"Carson," Meredith interjected, "What are my options?" _He can do something! I know he can. Heck, this is the man that… _Flashes of memory flitted through Meredith's mind- Carson healing, helping, working miracles.

Carson calmed a bit, settling seriously into the chair next to her bed, "I can do a C-section. That will give the baby a strong chance of survival… but the trauma will aggravate your injuries almost as much as natural labor. Your chances would still be poor."

_The baby! Kolya's child! He will survive this,_ Meredith thought, pushing aside the nagging fear for her own life.

"Fine. Let's do that then."

"Rod… Meredith, you have to understand… there's a large risk that… well, that you won't make it," Carson said, his voice rough with emotion.

Meredith raised an eyebrow, "Come on, Carson, I know you. You'll pull some miracle out of your pocket at the last minute. No worries."

Carson sputtered for a moment, flattered and flabbergasted simultaneously.

"I'm tired," Meredith said before Carson could respond. She turned away and closed her eyes, feigning sleep.

Carson shook his head and departed, leaving Meredith to her thoughts.

_I'll be fine. He really is a good doctor. He just overreacts, that's all. I'll be fine. I miss Kolya…_

-000-

"I'm not going to die!" Meredith shouted, her arms waving wildly as she spoke. _No, no, no! Stupid Sheppard, bringing up things he doesn't know about, as usual! Taking me from Kolya, dragging me from my home, only to tell me I'm doomed?! What is he, the angel of death or something?!_

"But what if you do?!" Sheppard shouted back, his face red with frustration, "Who will take care of your baby? Have you made any plans? Spoken to anyone about it? Or are you going to just _hope_ that we can find a safe place in this Wraith-infested galaxy for it to live?!"

Angry tears ran down Meredith's cheeks, "This is all your fault! If you'd have just left me on that planet with Kolya…" _You always think you know what's best for me! You never listen! And when I needed you… You left me!_

Sheppard interrupted, "Then you and your child would die! Do you really want that?!"

"No," Meredith whispered, looking down at her swollen belly. _My child will be fine! I'll be fine… I think. _

Sheppard continued, oblivious, the isolation room reverberating with his voice, "This is all Kolya's fault! He _hurt_ you! He is the one that is endangering your life right now! I should kill him!"

Meredith's icy voice broke in, "_Kolya_ NEVER hurt me! Never! It's YOUR fault! It was your reward, your _bounty_" she spat the word, "that hurt me! If I die, then you are the one who killed me!" _Your fault! Yours! Your fault you didn't listen to me! Your fault I was captured! Your fault that you let Kolya… __**take me through the gate.**_

Sheppard rocked back, his face suddenly white.

"Get out!" Meredith screamed, pointing to the door, "I never want to see you again! GET OUT!" _No! No, I went with Kolya on purpose! He didn't take me; he would never force me… Would he?_

Sheppard left, his hands fumbling at the doorknob.

When he was gone, Meredith buried her face in the pillow and wept. _I love Kolya. I do. I chose him. We belong together. _She thought frantically, fingering the ring he had given her in promise.

-000-

The letters needed to be written. Meredith realized that now. The trouble was that she had no idea how to approach it.

Since Sheppard had left memories poured forth in never-ending waves. Pain, death, laughter, fear. Meredith knew that she was living on borrowed time.

Rodney was back, hovering loudly in the back of her mind.

_I never left! _He shouted, his obnoxious voice causing her to wince.

_Hush! _Meredith commanded. _You can't handle this, and you know it! Now, let me think._

_Oh, like you've done a bang up job… Getting us banged up! And with Kolya! Ewww! _

_Shut up! _Meredith thought firmly; paper crumpling in her fisted hands.

Rodney fell silent, forced back to his dark corner.

Meredith began to write, deciding that the less Jeanie had to deal with at one time the better. If she told her that it was her brother's baby, who happened to be a woman at the time, who happened to be captured by a bad guy, who she happened to fall in love with and the baby was their love child… Well, it could get a little confusing.

-000-

Sheppard was back. Meredith was pretending to be asleep once again, thoughts spinning around her mind at the speed of light.

"I want Jeanie to take care of him," Meredith said suddenly, startling Sheppard from his thoughts.

"W-what?" Sheppard asked.

Meredith's hand appeared from under the blanket, shoving a folded letter towards Sheppard.

"My sister, Jeanie. If I… if something happens to me, I want Jeanie to take care of my child. He'll be safer on Earth than anywhere else." _That's a scary thought. _

"Did… did you tell her…"

Meredith cut him off, "No. I wrote two letters. One from 'A Mother' and one from me, explaining things a little bit." _I'm not stupid, Sheppard. I know what my sister can handle._

"Oh," Sheppard said, picking up the papers gently.

"And Sheppard," Meredith said, her arm disappearing back under the cover, "I didn't mean what I said earlier. I'm starting to remember more, and I know how hard it was for you not to kill Kolya when you had the chance. Thank you." _I- I don't know what I'd do if he had killed Kolya. As much as I remember… even now, I still love him. _

Sheppard cleared his throat, unable to respond.

"I really do love him," Meredith said softly, "And, no matter what happens, I don't regret it." _Not that you'll understand that. But maybe you can accept it. I-I really hope you can. I have a feeling that Rodney and I will need all the help we can get._

Sheppard was silent a long time before responding, "Neither does he."


	27. Chapter 18 NS

Chapter 18: Non-Slashy-

"Can you elaborate?" Heightmeyer asked after Rodney's silence had stretched for a few seconds.

"I-I'd really rather not," Rodney muttered, her face pale.

Sheppard stood abruptly, causing Rodney to jerk in surprise.

Sheppard slammed his fist into the wall, "He hurt you, didn't he?!" Sheppard leaned his forehead against the wall, his raw knuckles pressed into his side, "Didn't he?"

"Colonel!" Heightmeyer reprimanded, "I allowed you to stay for Rodney's session, but I will not allow you to control it! Now, either sit down and let Rodney continue, or I will have to ask you to leave!"

Sheppard turned slowly, his eyes meeting Rodney's.

"Sorry," he mumbled, "Do- do you want me to go?"

Rodney, wide eyed, shook his head.

"Very well," Heightmeyer said, "But please control yourself, Colonel."

Sheppard nodded, sitting apologetically next to Rodney, rubbing absently at his sore knuckles.

"It wasn't that bad…" Rodney started, shifting slightly as she spoke, "It was just… new. Kolya, he is… was… a lot bigger than me. Stronger. I just never really knew _how_ much bigger he was until he was _right there_!" Rodney's voice grew high pitched, her hands fluttering nervously, trying to convey the size difference.

"It's okay," Heightmeyer said soothingly.

"It's just… my arms were trapped at my sides. I couldn't move! Couldn't push him away. He was leaning into me, I couldn't breathe enough to tell him to GET OFF! But I did! I told him to get away from me!" Rodney was panting slightly, remembered panic flooding her body.

"Breathe, Rodney," Sheppard said gently, tight control oozing from every pore in an effort to stay calm, for Rodney's sake.

Rodney caught her breath and continued, "He kissed me. His tongue was pressing against my lips, but I wouldn't let him!" Rodney shuddered and continued, her voice tight, "And then he _ground_ himself into my thigh." Rodney turned a little green at that, Sheppard straitened and his fists clenched tightly, "I- I guess I gasped, because then his tongue was in my mouth and he was… I tried to scream…" Rodney shuddered and fell silent, her arms wrapping tightly around herself.

"God," Sheppard said quietly, wrapping his arm around Rodney's shoulders.

Rodney pulled away, scrubbing at her eyes, "I'm fine! It was just a kiss, that's all!"

Sheppard looked at Heightmeyer weightily.

"Rodney, you're absolutely right, it was a kiss," Heightmeyer said calmly, "However, you have every right to be upset. The 'kiss' represented something much deeper- to both of you. Kolya's advances, unwelcome and uninvited as it was, were sexual harassment at the very least."

Rodney snorted derisively, "Yah, and I handled it wonderfully, as usual."

Heightmeyer raised an eyebrow, "I assume you fought back?" she questioned.

"I wish," Rodney sighed, "I passed out. Passed out! Can you believe it?! Why didn't I just put up a sign- 'open for business, come on in'?!"

Heightmeyer grimaced, "Kolya didn't…?"

Rodney shook his head, "No. No, that would have been too easy for him, I guess. Not enough fun. Whatever," Rodney shrugged, "When I woke up I was lying on the floor. Kolya was above me. I pushed him away and scrambled back. I can't believe he made me cry…" Rodney mumbled the last part in a frustrated tone.

"Tears are a natural…" Heightmeyer started to say, but Rodney cut her off.

"Yah, yah, I know… Anyway, that's when Colonel Trigger-Happy and his band of merry men came in."

Sheppard relaxed a little at that, relieved that Kolya hadn't had any more opportunities.

"Of course, Kolya couldn't take his defeat gracefully. He picked me up like a sack of potatoes and took me through the gate." Rodney recited, his voice emotionless. "Are we done now? I'm tired."

Heightmeyer nodded slowly, her gaze assessing, "Of course. We'll continue this later."

Rodney sprung to her feet, waving uncertainly as she regained her equilibrium. Unobtrusively, Sheppard took her arm and led her to the wheelchair.

-000-

"So…" Sheppard said quietly, rolling a sulking Rodney slowly towards the transporter.

"Can we hurry?" Rodney snapped, his fingers impatiently tapping the arm of his wheelchair.

"Sure," Sheppard sighed, speeding up.

They walked in silence until they reached the transporter. Again, Sheppard locked the door so they could have some privacy before he spoke.

"Rodney… I can't tell you how sorry I am…."

"Shut up. If you're going to be pitiful, I'm not letting you come to the rest of the sessions," Rodney said sharply.

Sheppard stiffened, "Fine," he said, his voice emotionless. The transporter came to life, whisking them to their destination.

They rolled silently to Rodney's room.

"I need to be alone," Rodney said without turning to look at Sheppard.

"I'm not sure that's…"

"Let me rephrase- I'm GOING to be alone," Rodney snarled, his angry frown piercing up at Sheppard.

The familiar drooping snarl shocked Sheppard, forcibly reminding him that this was, indeed, his very male friend, even trapped in this very female body.

"Suit yourself," Sheppard said with feigned nonchalance.

The doors slid shut behind him and he seriously considered camping out right there in the hallway. Then Chuck passed by and nodded in his direction. That settled it. Rodney didn't need any more attention drawn to him right now.

Sheppard set out for the comforts of his room… and a hot shower.

Meanwhile, Rodney hadn't budged from the wheelchair. He was scared. He was about a split second away from calling out Sheppard's name. The only problem was… Sheppard was part of what he was scared of.

Today he had been dangerously close to leaning into that comforting hug- in front of Heightmeyer! And this morning… Sheppard had called him pretty. He still flushed thinking about it. God, what was wrong with him?! He has just escaped the clutches of one man, and he was throwing himself into the arms of another?!

Rodney stood, tottering weakly into the bathroom for a much-needed splash of cold water. He froze as he caught sight of his reflection.

The roundness of his face was softened by the cascade of blonde hair, bleached by the sun, and his blue eyes were large and almond shaped, slanting slightly upwards at the corners. His nose perked up a little at the end, giving him a pleasingly superior air. His mouth, though still lopsided, now pinked prettily, a beauty mark balancing it out. He was… cute.

Rodney shook his head sharply. A shower. A nice, cold shower would help. He stripped, leaning heavily against the wall, his concentration set on forcing his limbs to work in concert.

He stepped into the shower, closing his eyes as the lukewarm water cascaded down him. He opened his eyes to watch the water swirl down the drain.

It was mesmerizing. The water twisted, snaked, fought against gravity until finally plunging forward and disappearing into the darkness.

Kolya was pushing him into the wall, his calloused hands running over Rodney's naked body with obvious enjoyment. Kolya's eyes were cold and hard, his teeth bared. He was everywhere, his broad chest warm as he pushed close, the coarse hairs digging into Rodney's soft flesh.

No! Kolya was dead! Rodney was frozen, looking into those terribly cold brown eyes.

Green. The cold eyes were green. A smoky sage, they stared through him. The rest of the face came to focus; the unshaven chin, the strong brow, the tufts of disheveled dark hair. Sheppard's lips twisted in wry amusement as his long finger played over Rodney's trembling skin.

Rodney couldn't breathe as Sheppard drew closer, his body pressed against every inch, the water icy against his fevered skin.

"Its okay," Sheppard whispered, "You'll be okay." Sheppard leaned forward, his lips pressing softly on Rodney's slack mouth, his tongue seeking and finding entrance.


	28. Chapter 18 S

Chapter 18- Slashy

Sheppard was sitting on the edge of his bed, lost in thought. His uniform was wrinkled and looked slept in, though that was a mistaken impression. He had not slept. He stood, waiting, on the brink of ruin.

His headset crackled into life with the words he dreaded most.

"She's in labor," Beckett said simply. And with those words, Sheppard lurched into action.

Somehow he ended up at Kolya's cell instead of the infirmary. Kolya stood, pale-faced.

"Its time," Sheppard said. He turned to go, confused at how he had ended up there in the first place.

"I have to know!" Kolya exclaimed, "Let me go to her! Please!"

Sheppard turned, his face stony, "Not a snowball's chance in Hell, Kolya."

"You can't let her go through this alone!"

"She's not alone, Kolya," Sheppard said stiffly.

"Please, Colonel!" Kolya asked. No, he begged, his stance as close to being on his knees as possible without actually dropping to the floor, his hands wide at his sides.

Sheppard paused. "You can watch," he said finally. As Kolya started towards his cell door, Sheppard continued, "From your cell." Kolya looked ready to argue, "Don't push me, Kolya."

Kolya's head dipped slightly, his eyes now fixed on the small, dark screen just outside his faintly glowing cell walls as Sheppard left.

-000-

Kolya watched as the doctor sliced into her stomach, the bright red blood welling quickly up as the blade moved. The tubes and wires spider-webbed across her pale frame. The camera angle never changed, so Kolya could only catch brief glimpses of her serene face as the doctors swarmed around her. They talked constantly, medical jargon flowing from their lips as easily as orders flew from his. Those were much easier, he recalled with a pang, then words of love.

His fists were gripped so tightly that, if he had nails, he would surely be bleeding by now. Instead, he stood watching, waiting, hoping that nothing went wrong, hoping that the doctor's dire predictions were nothing more than hot air.

The babble was broken by sudden silence; the doctor's hands plunged deeply into her body, coming up with a tiny infant cradled in his hands.

For a moment, the child was terribly still, and Kolya held his breath, waiting for the pronouncement that his son was dead. And then a sudden shrill cry broke the silence, the blood-coated infant wailing its distress at being so abruptly brought into the light.

The doctor chuckled, "Nothing wrong with those lungs," he pronounced in relief, his accent mildly coloring his words. Another white-coat took the boy, for it was a boy, and began to clean him gently, taking him out of the camera's range.

The doctor got back to work, sewing quickly and efficiently, glancing up occasionally to check various monitors. Even through the mask, Kolya could see the frown on his face.

"Give her another pint of blood," the doctor ordered, his voice deliberately free from any inflection. Kolya knew that tone. That was the tone used to rally troops to a losing battle, to tell a father that his son was lost.

The doctor finished quickly, his hands a blur as he patched her up. The monitors began to beep ominously.

Meredith stirred, her blue eyes opening to slits as she overcame the drugs that had rendered her unconscious.

"The baby?" she whispered. The doctor smiled kindly down at her.

"A healthy baby boy," he said. She sighed and smiled in relief.

"Can I see him?" she asked, looking around for him.

Kolya watched as the doctor's face fell a little, his eyes dancing towards the monitors before plastering on a ghost of the smile he had previously worn.

"Of course," he agreed, nodding to someone out of range.

Meredith grinned tiredly as the baby was laid in her arms.

"Hello baby. I'm your mama," she looked up with a smile, "He's got brown eyes, like his father," she said proudly. The white-coat reached for him, and Meredith let him take the baby, lines of exhaustion coloring her proud smile.

"He's perfect," she told the doctor seriously.

"Yes," the doctor agreed softly, "he is."

The smile fell from Meredith's face, "But I'm not," she said.

"No," the doctor said, his voice tight and hoarse, "you're not doing very well."

"You know what I wish?" she asked, her voice fading.

"What?" the doctor asked, his hand hovering above her wrist.

"I wish Acastus was here," she said as her eyes rolled back.

The doctor froze as the monitors beeped arrhythmically, settling quickly into a low, sad drone.

Kolya opened his mouth, his cry of distress occluded by Sheppard's.

"No!" he heard Sheppard howl, his voice raw. He stepped into the frame momentarily before the doctor turned and stopped him in his tracks. Their eyes met and an entire conversation seemed to occur between them in moments. Sheppard nodded tersely, backing away.

"Get me oxygen and a crash cart!" the doctor commanded, turning back to his patient.

The white-coats swarmed, coming from every direction, tools in hand. As an oxygen mask was placed over Meredith's mouth, they pushed the bed she was laying on, the wheels squeaking loudly over the rapid technical jargon spilling from their mouths. In seconds, the screen was silent, staring down at the cold white tile of an empty room.

Kolya sat heavily on the edge of his cot, unable to process what he had seen. He had gained a son, but at what price? Would they be able to save her? Or had he just lost the woman he loved?

-000-

It was hours later when Sheppard came in, looking drained and weary. Without a word, the force field around Kolya's cage flickered and died.

Kolya stood, meeting Sheppard at the door of his prison.

"Is she…?" Kolya started to ask. He couldn't finish the sentence.

Sheppard didn't answer. Instead, he slid his hand between the bars, opening his fist to reveal a small silver ring, the two bands still intertwined.

"No," Kolya whispered, taking the ring from Sheppard's hand as if it would shatter at his touch. It dangled from the tips of his fingers, as insubstantial as a flame. Meredith was dead. They had failed to save her. _He _had failed to save her. "No," he said again, his voice cracking on the word, refusing to believe, to accept.

Sheppard watched, pulling away slowly, his red-rimmed eyes assessing, as if measuring the depth of Kolya's grief.

Kolya looked up, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, "Our child?" he asked.

"He's fine," Sheppard said, his voice rusty and cold, granting no clemency.

Kolya nodded dully and backed away, settling onto his cot with the absent-minded gracefulness of one greatly bereft. He waited until Sheppard left to collapse onto the cot, the cold ring pressed to his lips.


	29. Chapter 19 NS

Chap 19- Non-Slashy

Sheppard's stomach growled as he stepped out of the shower.

Instead of heading back to his room like he had planned, he had hit the gym, particularly the punching bag. While it did release a good deal of the built-up anger, the exercise didn't help his raw knuckles. Sweaty and battered, he had meandered to his room, still thinking about Rodney's session.

Why had he ever convinced Rodney to leave Atlantis? Why had he ignored his warning? Why hadn't he pulled the trigger? He could have stopped all this if he had just shot Kolya before he went through the gate.

Sheppard shook his head. His frustration had come back with a vengeance. He had hoped that a shower would wash away some of his worries, but no luck.

But now, hunger gnawed at him. Maybe, if he was hungry… Rodney was hungry too. He could use that as an excuse to check up on him.

With a grin, Sheppard threw on a uniform and bolted out the door.

-000-

He arrived at Rodney's door within minutes, two ham sandwiches and two Cokes in hand. He would have brought beer, but his stash had run out and the Prometheus wasn't due for a week yet.

Sheppard wedged the Cokes under his arm and knocked on Rodney's door. No response. With a sigh of frustration, Sheppard knocked louder. Still no response. Now worried, he set down the food and connected with Atlantis, politely asking her to open the door. As always, she responded, and Rodney's door slid open.

Only the small window illuminated Rodney's room. The wheelchair stood vacant just inside the doorway, the bed looked untouched. Sheppard's stomach clenched. Where was Rodney? He seemed to be in a hurry to reach the privacy of his room; surely he wouldn't have left to roam the halls? He was too weak for that anyway. So, where was he?

As the doors slid shut behind him, the low roar of the shower finally reached his ears.

Sheppard moved towards the bathroom, "Rodney? You okay?" he called out, raising his voice so that it could be heard over the water.

There was no answer, no cranky, "What, you think I drowned?"

The bathroom doors slid open with a noticeable lack of steam. Sheppard hesitantly peeked around the corner, hating to invade Rodney's privacy. His gut, however, told him that something was wrong.

As usual, his gut was right.

Rodney's pale form sat slumped beneath the water's perpetual assault. Sheppard instinctively rushed to her side, his fingers reaching for a pulse.

His hand was deluged with icy water, the chilled skin beneath his fingers pulsating rapidly. Thank God.

He stood and turned off the water. Then he reached over and grabbed a fluffy white towel. He toweled her hair clumsily. With a slight flush of embarrassment, Sheppard stood Rodney up and started to dry her off.

Rodney moaned, startling Sheppard, who had been focusing on his mantra of 'I will not look'. He froze as Rodney's eyes opened. Unfortunately, Rodney had come to at a rather inopportune moment.

Sheppard's arms were wrapped around her torso, the towel between them barely covering the necessities.

Sheppard managed to put on a crooked smile, "You okay now?" he asked softly, a hint of his concern slipping out.

-000-

"_No," Rodney moaned as Sheppard pulled away for breath, the water still pounding harshly against her smooth skin, "Please, don't do this," she pleaded, her salty tears merging with the chlorine tang of the shower. _

"_You asked for this," Sheppard said, "you begged," he whispered huskily. _

"_No," Rodney groaned, "No, I didn't want this. I don't want this!" she insisted, helpless as Sheppard's hands did terrible, wonderful things to her body._

_Sheppard pulled away slightly, his dark hair laying flat, dripping diamonds down his face as he spoke, "You can stop me. Push me away. You stopped Kolya."_

"_Yes," Rodney whispered, "I stopped Kolya." She didn't move._

_Sheppard smiled, his lips curving, silently mocking, "Maybe you don't really want me to stop."_

"_No," Rodney protested, "I don't want this!"_

_Sheppard whispered a laugh, and leaned forward to whisper in Rodney's ear, "Your mind might not be ready for this, but your body most definitely is." His teeth nipped gently before he pulled back, shutting off the water as he moved._

_Rodney was sobbing now, overcome with the sensations, the conflict within herself, "You… you're as bad as Kolya," she whimpered._

"_No," Sheppard said with that same mocking, alligator smile, "I'm worse." He leaned in, as if sharing some secret that only the two of them should ever know, and said, "You want me."_

_Rodney closed her eyes, refusing to see, to look, to confront the truth. _

Sheppard's arms were wrapped around her; she felt strangely warm, safe. She couldn't help but lean into that embrace.

Rodney forced her eyes open through sheer strength of will, still unable to process just what she was going to do or say.

"You okay now?" Sheppard asked softly, his startlingly close lips the only thing in focus.

"No," Rodney whimpered.

Sheppard frowned, the trembling of Rodney's body patently obvious.

Without a word, Sheppard picked her up, her small frame settling into his arms effortlessly. Rodney continued to shiver as Sheppard took her into the bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. There was a moment when Sheppard paused, his hand hovering over the towel as if debating if it would be better to remove it, but then he shook his head and pulled up the blankets, enveloping Rodney in their comforting weight.

Rodney almost gave in to that comfort, that familiarity. Her eyes were drooping, the shivers slowing to a faint buzz. Sheppard was sitting on the bed next to her, his face a frown of consternation.

He reached out, and his fingers trailed across Rodney's face, pushing aside a lock of wayward blond hair. His hand settled against her cheek.

This was it. Rodney's stomach lurched and she drew away from that warm, inviting caress.

"I'm… I'm not ready," she said, her voice breaking, "I can't. Please," she sobbed, "don't make me."

There was a long moment of silence, and then Sheppard snatched his hand away and stood as if burned.

"What?!" Sheppard breathed, as breathless as if he had just been punched in the gut.

"I'm sorry," Rodney sobbed, curling on her side, braced for pain, "Please, John, don't make me."

Pale as a Wraith, Sheppard gaped at his friend, lost for words.


	30. Chapter 19 S

AN: Sorry it has taken me so long to update this story. I will TRY to finish it soon. Thanks for still reading!

Chapter 19- Slashy

The man on the bed stirred, his blue eyes opening with reluctance, "Carson?" he said, blinking up blearily at the man hovering above him.

"Aye," Carson replied gently, covering up his patient, his examination complete, "How are you feeling?" he asked, his eyes studying the man's face.

The man pushed himself up on his elbows, looking around the empty isolation ward in confusion.

"How did I get here?" he asked. He looked down, noticing his hands for the first time. With a look of pronounced relief and astonishment, he flexed his substantial fingers, noting how the calloused skin pulled tight across hairy knuckles.

He looked up at Carson with a grin, "And how did I get back to normal?!"

"Rodney?" Carson asked carefully.

The man's grin fell a little, the weak side of his mouth pulling down in irritation, "No, the tooth fairy! Of course it's me! Who else would it be?!"

Carson's sigh of relief was dampened by the look of concern that flitted over his face.

"And where is everyone else? The last thing I remember…" Rodney fell abruptly silent.

Being kidnapped, fighting, Kolya, crying, being taken through the gate, running away, being caught, being…

He must have turned green, because suddenly there was a kidney-shaped bowl for him to vomit in. He gratefully accepted the invitation.

When he had finished, Rodney shakily laid back, thankful only Carson had witnessed that little display.

"You okay, Lad?" Carson asked.

"Just great," Rodney muttered in a half-hearted attempt at sarcasm. He turned to look at Carson, "How did I get here? Was I rescued? Who found me?"

"You don't remember?" Carson asked.

"No, I just love twenty questions! It is obvious I don't remember!" Rodney snarked.

Carson looked pale, his eyes flittering as if searching for just the right words. Finally he managed, "What's the last thing you do remember, Lad?"

Rodney flinched unconsciously before his expression closed off and he woodenly responded, "Being taken through the gate by Kolya." His voice shook a little as he said Kolya's name.

"Aye," Carson muttered, seemingly unconvinced.

"Quit looking at me like that!" Rodney snapped, sitting up. He grimaced as pain shot through his abdomen.

"Lay back, you great bloody fool!" Carson said, pushing him into the bed and raising the sheet so he could check the large white bandage that covered the lower part of Rodney's stomach.

"What happened to me?" Rodney asked fearfully, tentatively touching the edge of the bandage.

Carson pulled away with a sigh of relief, "Well, at least you managed not to tear the stitches! You were… wounded when we rescued you. You'll be fine now."

Rodney wiped at his face, reviling in the coarse hair that tore at his skin, "I don't remember…" he said, his voice uncertain. When had he gotten hurt? How had he gotten hurt? Why couldn't he remember?

Carson patted his shoulder gently, "I know, Lad. I canna figure out why you can't remember, but to be honest with you, I'm glad you don't. Right now your body needs to heal. Let your mind heal as well."

Rodney nodded wearily, "Where's Sheppard? And Ronon? And Teyla?"

"They're just waiting for my okay," Carson said with a proud smile, "Actually got them to follow orders for once and let you have some peace."

"Can I see them?" Rodney asked, a yawn overtaking him even as he finished his question.

Carson shook his head, "Rest first, then I'll let them in."

Rodney nodded, the bed suddenly as soft as a cloud.

As his eyes closed, he missed the look of concern that flitted across Carson's face.


	31. Chapter 20 NS

Chapter 20- Non-Slashy

"What did I do?" Sheppard asked, his hands rubbing at his eyes as if he wanted to wipe away the images that lurked there.

Heightmeyer sighed and leaned forwards, "Colonel, it's not your fault. From what you have told me, it wasn't that you did anything wrong. Sometimes people who have been in a stressful situation for a long period of time transfer their fears to a new target once they have been removed from the danger. Essentially, since Kolya's dead, Rodney has transferred that fear over to you."

"I would never…" Sheppard said, swallowing his words with a shudder, "I don't understand. How could Rodney even think I'd…?"

"It's not rational, Colonel. Just give her some time. And, if you can, try to treat her like you did when she was male."

Sheppard nodded. He hated talking to shrinks, but he certainly appreciated the confidentiality thing. Who else could he ask for advice from without it getting out that Rodney was afraid of him?

-000-

"Carson!" Sheppard shouted, jogging up the hall to catch up with the doctor.

"Colonel," Carson said with a grin, "You'll be pleased to hear that Rodney's got a clean bill of health, and so does the machine. They're just setting things up now, and I was on my way. Care to join me?"

Sheppard let out a relived sigh, "About time Rodney gets back to normal."

"Aye, lad! And you won't be the only one happy to see him back to his old self. A female Rodney is a nightmare that will haunt me for _years_!"

Sheppard laughed, nodding his agreement. Everything would be fine now! No more weird fears, no more 'delicate flower', just his friend back to his old tricks.

They stopped outside of Rodney's door to give him the good news.

"Rodney!" Carson called, knocking solidly.

"Coming!" Rodney grumbled, the door sliding open. She smiled tentatively at Carson, but when she saw Sheppard, her attempt at a smile failed and she seemed to shrink inwards.

Carson noted the reaction, but plunged onward heartily, "Good news, Lad! You're cleared to use the machine. They're getting it all set up for you now!"

Rodney grinned brilliantly, "Finally!" she said, not attempting to hide her glee, "Let's get going!"

Carson chuckled, "You might want to change first, unless you plan on streaking through Atlantis."

Rodney looked down at her form-fitting female attire and sighed.

Carson patted her shoulder, "It'll be a few minutes before they're ready anyway. I'm going to check up on them."

Rodney nodded absently, turning to reenter her room. She didn't notice that Sheppard followed her in until the door slid shut and she turned.

"S-Sheppard!" Rodney said with a start of fear.

Sheppard lifted his hands innocently, "I just wanted to talk for a minute before you… changed."

"There's nothing to talk about," Rodney said, her face turning beet red.

Sheppard took a step forward and sighed as Rodney flinched away.

"_That_, Rodney, is what we need to talk about. I don't understand it. I don't understand how you'd think I'd _ever_…" Sheppard sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I don't… not really," Rodney said, shifting uncomfortably, "I just had… a nightmare, I guess."

"Why me? I've never… I'm, like, the un-Kolya!" Sheppard said.

"It wasn't you, at first. It was Kolya. He was trying to… but then I realized he was dead, and he changed. Into you. I know you'd never… but it felt so real. And then you were really there, and I was… It was like I couldn't wake up." Rodney finished shakily.

"Rodney, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I'm sorry I didn't stop Kolya. I'm just… sorry."

Rodney shrugged, "Yah. Me too."

She took a deep breath, "Now wait outside while I change before I think you're a Peeping Tom too."

Sheppard laughed and left, leaning heavily against the wall to wait.

When Rodney came out, he had to stifle a snicker. The men's clothing she had on had to be rolled up and hung heavily on her, making her look like a child playing dress-up.

"Shut up and walk," Rodney snarled, pacing quickly towards the machine. Sheppard obediently fell alongside. He opened his mouth to comment, but Rodney cut him off, "Not one word."

"Cute?" Sheppard said under his breath, grinning at the glare Rodney sent his way.


	32. Chapter 20 S

Chapter 20- Slashy

"I'm not doing this for you," Sheppard said, his voice cold.

Kolya nodded solemnly, "I would think not."

"I'm not leaving you any food. You'll have to fend for yourself. And I took the control crystal," Sheppard said, the shimmering of the Stargate glancing harshly on the lines of exhaustion lining his face.

Kolya nodded, twisting the silver ring around his pinkie finger.

"My son?" he asked.

"M-Meredith's sister is going to take him," Sheppard said, "He'll be fine."

Kolya smirked, "No Wraith on your world?"

"No," Sheppard said shortly, simply.

Kolya looked over at him, shocked, "Then he will be truly safe."

Sheppard nodded, gesturing with his P-90 for Kolya to step through.

Without a backwards glance, half-hoping that Sheppard had lied and was sending him to his death, Kolya stepped through the gate.

He emerged a moment later onto the abandoned world he would forever call home. The gate swooshed as it cut off, leaving him with quiet birdcall and the faint howl of a wolf in the distance.

-000-

"How's Rodney?" Sheppard asked Ronon and Teyla as he entered the waiting room.

"Dr. Beckett said he was awake for a minute, but now he is resting comfortably," Teyla said.

"He doesn't remember anything after being taken through the gate by Kolya," Ronon added gruffly.

Sheppard sighed, brushing a weary hand through his unruly hair, "That's a blessing, I suppose."

"It will not last," Teyla said, "He will have to confront those memories, and soon."

"Why?" Ronon asked, his arms crossed, "Just let it go. Easier."

Teyla shook her head, "He will have to know of his child, and soon, so that he can decide if he wants to raise it himself or send it to his sister."

Sheppard laughed wryly, "I agree with Ronon. I can't see Rodney as a father, especially of an infant. Just send it to his sister's and let the issue drop."

Teyla glared at him, "And when he regains his memories? What then? Will he forgive us for taking his child from him, for not even giving him an option?" She set her jaw, "I would not."

-000-

Rodney smiles as they trail in, Sheppard looking uncomfortable, Teyla welcoming, and Ronon expressionless as always.

Teyla speaks first, "Hello Rodney, I hope you are feeling well?"

"Aside from the big cut on my stomach that I can't remember getting, yah, I'm just peachy!" Rodney snarked.

"About that…" Sheppard said, shifting his weight, "The Doc told us you can't remember much after…"

"After Kolya took off with me?" Rodney said, his voice hard, "Yah, that's right. Don't remember anything. Must have bumped my head or something."

"Or something," Ronon said under his breath. Teyla and Sheppard glared at him, to no effect.

Sheppard took a deep breath and plunged in, "Rodney, after we rescued you, before we changed you back to normal, you told us… we found out that… You weren't exactly yourself."

"What does that mean?" Rodney asked, crossing his arms, "You knew I was a girl, so that can't be it, what is it?"

"You insisted on being called Meredith," Teyla said softly.

Rodney wrinkled his nose, "Why? I hate that name!"

"You also thought… Well, you didn't think we rescued you," Sheppard said tightly.

"What does that mean? What _did_ I think?"

"You were in love with Kolya," Ronon said bluntly.

Rodney paled, his breath escaping him in a whoosh. He looked from one serious face to another, "You're joking, right? Please, tell me you're joking!"

"Dr. Heightmeyer called it 'Stockholm Syndrome'," Teyla said helpfully.

"I call it insane!" Rodney shouted, "I couldn't have… He, he…" Rodney fell suddenly silent as three sets of eyes narrowed in on him.

"You remember," Sheppard said, his tone accusing.

Rodney feigned innocence a moment longer before his face twisted in a snarl, "Yes, Sheppard, I remember. I remember screaming your name as Kolya took me through the gate. I remember thinking that any minute you'd rescue me. I remember fighting Kolya off with a pen knife and running into the dark woods. The feeling of the wolf's teeth in my arm, dragging me away to be eaten. Waking up tied to a bed. Being defenseless as Kolya…" Rodney's tirade fell abruptly silent and he turned away- his hands tight around his shoulders as he held himself together.

Sheppard just stood there, his face tight and pained. Ronon nodded, his eyes hooded. Teyla was crying, silent tears rolling down her face.

"Get out," Rodney said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Teyla took a step towards him, but Sheppard stopped her, shaking his head. They left.

AN: I couldn't remember how much Kolya knew about Earth, so I just figured he didn't know anything. And as penance for my tardiness, two chapters!


	33. Chapter 21 NS

AN: CMK sent me a rough draft of her take on Rodney's capture. All credit to the dream sequence goes to her idea (firmly NC-17). If you finished it, CMK, please send it my way, I'd love to read it! This chapter took me two weeks to write. That's about a page a day. ARG!

Chapter 21- Non-Slashy

"Thank God!" Rodney said loudly. He stretched his arms out in front of him, enraptured by the dusting of manly hair that ran the length of his arms, ending at his large, and dare he say, well-formed hands.

Carson chuckled, the medical scanner beeping quietly, "Aye, Lad. I think the sentiment is universal. And you're good to go!" He patted his friend heartily on the shoulder, earning a desultory glare.

But even McKay couldn't hold a frown for long. Grinning giddily, he sprinted for the nearest mirror where he started to circle, examining his body as if for the first time.

Sheppard followed, shaking his head in amusement. He chuckled as Rodney flexed his biceps.

"Wanna arm wrestle, oh Manly One?" Sheppard teased.

"And risk damaging these babies?" McKay scoffed with a lop-sided smile.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Sheppard asked.

McKay thought for a moment, "Eat… and then I better get back to the labs. I can only guess how big of a mess they've made without me!"

"What, no feats of masculine strength?" Sheppard said with a smirk.

"Only the strength of my stomach! McKay versus mess food! Who will win?"

"I'm betting on you," Sheppard said, accompanying Rodney towards the mess.

McKay paused, "It's not lemon chicken day, is it?"

Sheppard laughed.

-000-

After a long, and well deserved, rant, McKay worked for a few hours cleaning up the mess his minions had made in his absence. It felt good to be back in the swing of things, but he had to admit that Radek had done a fair job at keeping the place going in his absence.

With a heavy grunt, Rodney fell back into his bed, his prescription mattress feeling silky soft under his calloused fingers.

Without even changing his clothes, he fell instantly asleep, assured that his nightmares were a thing of the past.

"_Hello, Doctor McKay," Kolya said, his alligator smile stretching as he watched Rodney squirm, fighting against her restraints._

_Rodney's wrists were tied to the headboard, her ankles tethered, forcing her knees up awkwardly. With a growing sense of terror, Rodney looked around. She was in the room where she had first been held, the bare wooden walls unquestionably solid. _

"_Since you were so accommodating as to faint when I kissed you, I was obliged to take advantage. And don't deny who you are, Doctor McKay," Kolya said as Rodney shook her head. He gestured to the scar on Rodney's arm, "I know my own work. As much as your condition puzzles me, it also provides me with an opportunity I could hardly pass up. I can always kill Colonel Sheppard later." _

_Rodney glanced down at the treacherous scar and nearly vomited as she realized her condition. She was naked. Completely stripped. _

_She opened her mouth, whether to scream or speak, she didn't know, but before she could even squeak, Kolya expounded. _

_Sitting calmly on the edge of the bed, he leaned over Rodney, his proximity sending a shudder through McKay's feminine body. _

"_You'll be my sex toy, Doctor. My plaything. And when you've been properly trained…" Kolya ran his calloused hand down Rodney's ribcage, coming to rest on her hip, "And have given me a child or two to further the Genii cause, then I will allow you to use some of your other talents to secure the future for the Genii."_

"_No," Rodney whimpered, her voice weak with horror. She felt as if every drop of blood had abandoned her, fleeing from the room as she longed to do. _

"_Don't worry, Doctor McKay, I'll make it extremely pleasurable for you," Kolya purred as he positioned himself over her, "After all, I want your body's full cooperation if we are to succeed in furthering the Genii bloodlines." He paused and reached for a pillow. With deliberate care, he lifted McKay's limp body and slid the pillow under her, elevating her pelvis. He grinned._

-000-

Sheppard sighed happily. Everything was back to normal now. His team was home and safe. He could rest.

But why did he get the odd feeling that he was waiting for the other shoe to drop? Kolya was dead, Rodney was a man; everything was right with the world.

With a frustrated growl, Sheppard ran a hand through his unruly hair. He had to check up on Rodney. Just to make sure everything was fine.

"I don't know when I became such a mother hen," he muttered to himself.

Well, the faster he went, the faster he could shrug off this feeling.

He marched towards Rodney's room, trying to shrug off the oppressive fear that threatened to invade.

He was almost to Rodney's room when the feeling went from oppressive to painful. Like an ice pick to his brain, Rodney's scream of terror cut through him.

Sheppard forced himself to move, sprinting the short distance to Rodney's door. Atlantis popped the door open before he could even ask her, and he sent out his thanks as he fell to his knees beside Rodney.

McKay was on the floor, the sheets tangled around his legs hindering him as he squirmed his way into the corner of his room, sobbing desperately.

"McKay! Rodney! What's wrong? What happened?" Sheppard asked, his hands grasping Rodney's shoulders and forcing him to stop trying to shove through the wall.

"J-John?" Rodney whimpered, wiping roughly at his eyes. When he could finally see, he grabbed Sheppard in a bear hug, clinging to him like he might disappear, "You came! Oh, God, you came!"

Sheppard looked down at Rodney's hair, the only part he could see of his friend, and patted his back reassuringly.

"Sure, Rodney, I came. You're alright. You're safe here."

"K-Kolya's dead, right? I didn't dream that?" Rodney asked, his voice watery.

"Oh yeah, he's dead," John said firmly, "No question on that one."

"Then it was a dream," Rodney muttered, "A horrible, sick, twisted, _nightmare_!"

John pulled away as Rodney's death-grip loosened. He leaned over to get a look at McKay's face, "You okay now?" he asked softly.

"Not really, no," Rodney said.

"You wanna tell me? Might help to talk about it," Sheppard suggested.

Rodney shuddered, "It could have happened," he said quietly, "That's why it's so frightening."

"What?" John asked patiently.

"He found out who I was. From the very start, he found out," Rodney was shaking now, and John moved to sit next to him, his arm around his shoulders.

"And when he knew?" John prompted.

Rodney closed his eyes, "He changed his plans. After he… kissed me, and I passed out, he… took off my clothes and tied me to a bed. That's where the dream started. I was tied to the bed, and he was talking." Rodney came to a shuddering halt, choking up. He took a deep breath and leaned into John's comforting warmth, "He said he was going to… that I was his 'toy'," Rodney said, his voice small, "And then he said I would give him c…" Rodney choked on the word, "children."

At the last word, Rodney paled further and lurched to his feet. Sheppard could only follow helplessly as McKay ran into the bathroom and threw up.

He allowed Rodney his privacy, rubbing a tired hand through his unruly hair once again as he leaned against the wall.

Rodney finished and went to the sink. After splashing water on his face, he looked up to glare into the mirror.

"I'm a man again. Why am I still having these blasted dreams?" McKay shouted, pounding his fist on the edge of the sink.

"Give your brain a chance to adjust," Sheppard said simply, "After all; it had to adjust to being a woman. You can't just expect it to snap back like nothing happened."

"Yeah, right," McKay growled, "Because you know how patient I am. I will not go through another night like this."

Sheppard smiled wryly, "And how are you going to enforce that? You can't control your dreams."

McKay turned to glare at Sheppard, his arms crossed tightly, "I'll just have to force my brain to readjust. Simple enough."

Sheppard raised an eyebrow, "And how ya gonna do that?"

Rodney chuckled darkly, "I've got an idea."

-000-

Her name was Doctor Aubrey Finch. He'd seen her around for the past few months, a minor scientist under his command. He'd never spoken directly to her, but she was pretty, in an offbeat kind of way. Dark red hair, large brown eyes, creamy skin.

Rodney watched as she ate her breakfast. She was sitting with a group of scientists, the last seat on the corner. At first, he assumed that these were her friends, but as he watched, he began to wonder.

She ate quickly and silently, never joining in the animated conversation. In fact, she barely looked up from her plate. She finished before the others, and, without a word, rose from her seat and left. No one at the table seemed to notice her departure.

Rodney finished his breakfast and went to the lab. She was sitting in the corner, her back to the wall and partially hidden behind her laptop. Her workspace was clean and uncluttered by photos, only a small pile of paperbacks stacked neatly to her left.

"Radek," Rodney asked, "That Finch girl, what's her specialization?"

Radek blinked myopically up at him, his brow furrowed in confusion, "Finch? Oh… the quiet one. Yes, she is Proofer."

Rodney sneered down at him, "That's not exactly a specialization."

Radek shrugged, "It is what she does. She is fastest we have. Has caught many mistakes that all others missed."

"Hmph," Rodney grumbled, "What else do you know about her?"

"Nothing. She is very quiet. Have seen her reading much." Radek looked up suspiciously, "Why sudden interest?"

Rodney frowned, "None of your business. Now get back to work!"

Radek rolled his eyes and grumbled something in Czech.

At lunch she ate at her desk, a paperback in one hand and a sandwich in the other. Her feet were perched up on her desk drawer, her elbows resting on her knees. She finished her sandwich and sat chewing on her bottom lip, the pages flipping by startlingly quickly.

Rodney sat, peering over his laptop as he pretended to work. When she paused, he unconsciously held his breath. Had she noticed him staring?

Her eyes never lifted from the page, her fingers trailing delicately across the paper as she smiled and let out a breathy, nearly silent, laugh. She shook her head and flipped the page.

Rodney exhaled with a sigh. She was really quite pretty. Straight white teeth, and dimples when she smiled.

She closed her book, and Rodney realized she had finished an entire paperback in thirty minutes; without speed-reading.

"Dr. Finch," Rodney called out, "Come look at this, will you?"

She stood up with a start of surprise and blinked rapidly before slowly coming to his desk.

"Check this equation for me. Please," Rodney added as an afterthought. He rolled backwards in his chair, forcing her to lean across awkwardly to look at his screen.

He watched her as she frowned at the screen, her eyes moving swiftly over the numbers.

"It is correct," she said within seconds, her eyes still on the screen.

He looked at her in surprise, "You couldn't have checked it that fast!"

She looked over at him sharply before lowering her gaze to his chest, "It _is_ correct," she said.

"Ha!" Rodney snorted, "Radek was right, you are fast!"

Aubrey nodded and blushed, her entire face pinking.

"So," Rodney asked, leaning back in his chair, "You want to have dinner with me tonight?"

She looked up at his face, her eyes wide in confusion. She wrinkled her brow, "Dinner? What for?"

Rodney grinned confidently, "You know, dinner, talking, getting to know each other better. A date."

"D-date?" Aubrey squeaked.

"Great!" Rodney said, standing quickly, "Meet you at the mess at seven, then!"

-000-

Rodney straightened his blue shirt and ran his sweaty palms across the seat of his pants. He could do this. He could. It was really no big deal, just a little date. He was a man, she was a woman, what more did you need?

Taking a deep breath, he plastered on a smug smile and turned to corner to the mess.

He skidded to a halt. Aubrey was standing outside the mess door. She was looking down, twisting her necklace, so she didn't notice him.

McKay rubbed his damp hands together in a moment of panic. She was _pretty_. Not just plain-but-appealing like he had thought. She wore a dark purple blouse with a modest v-neck. It clung to her curves and set off the red in her hair. Her hair, cut just above her shoulders, was pinned back on the sides, but wispy locks fell free as she twirled her necklace. Without the veil of her hair he could see her profile, which was classic Greek goddess. She had some kind of lip gloss stuff on and some other kind of make-up that made her glow faintly.

Oh, God! What was he thinking? He couldn't- she wouldn't go out with a guy like him!

"Doctor McKay?" Aubrey said quietly. While he had been quietly hyperventilating, she had finally looked up. She smiled shyly at him, pinking.

McKay straightened. She was shy, completely backwards, and obviously in awe of him. He could handle her easily!

"Finch! I mean… uh, Aubrey! You look… nice. Pretty necklace," he said, gesturing towards the small heart-shaped amber pendant she wore.

"Thank you," Aubrey said, looking down at the floor once again.

"Yes, well, let's eat!" McKay said. He touched her arm lightly as they walked into the mess.

After getting their meals, Rodney led her to a corner table and politely pulled out her chair. They ate in silence for a few minutes. Well, he ate, and she picked apart her chicken.

"Doctor McKay," Aubrey said softly, "Why did you… I mean, you've never noticed me before. Why today?"

"Please, call me Rodney," McKay said with a crooked smile.

"Okay, Rodney, why today?"

"Why not?" Rodney said quickly, "Why put things off? Seize the day, carpe diem; all that kind of thing!"

"Hmm," Aubrey said noncommittally.

"I'm full? You? How about a walk to burn off some of these carbs?" Rodney said, standing quickly.

Aubrey blinked up at him and then stood, picking up her tray.

"I'll get that," Rodney said chivalrously. He took their trays and, dumping them, returned to accompany her out of the mess.

While they walked, Rodney told her everything he knew about the various sections they passed. How long it took him to get the lights working in that section after it was flooded, how he had discovered what that lab was used for, how he had to reconfigure nearly every wire in that room to make it usable after the storm.

When they reached the terrace, the moons were high and the plethora of stars twinkled merrily. Even Rodney fell silent at the beauty, doubly reflected off the calm waters surrounding them. The low whoosh of waves breaking against the city was soothing.

Aubrey sighed, "It's beautiful."

"Yeah, I'm not really a water person, but this view is nice," Rodney said, leaning backwards against the railing and looking at her.

Aubrey's eyes were locked on the horizon, "No man is an island," she said wistfully. She looked over to find him staring at her. She blushed and looked back to the water.

"I never really got that," Rodney said, "An island is a body of land, so of course no _man_ is an island. And if they were talking about some sort of human-community thing…"

She interrupted him, for the first time all night, "It means we weren't made to be alone. It isn't healthy." She stopped abruptly and rubbed the back of her neck as she turned away from the view. "Shall we continue?" she asked softly, nodding towards the door.

Rodney shrugged and agreed, immediately restarting his lecture on Atlantis and how he single-handedly fixed everything from the plumbing to the gate shield.

In a subtle move, Rodney directed their walk to end up outside his quarters.

"If you liked that view we saw earlier, you're going to love this!" he said, pulling her into his room before she could refuse. His quarters had a small balcony that overlooked the entirety of Atlantis. It was one of the reasons he had picked the spot.

The cool ocean breeze ruffled Aubrey's hair as she gaped at the wonder that was Atlantis at night. The city was glowing like a beacon in the darkness, the luminescent spires climbing to dizzying heights.

"Wow," Aubrey whispered.

"Yeah. She's really something. Didn't know how much I missed the old girl until I…" Rodney cut himself off. He didn't want to remember that tonight. Tonight was about proving to himself that he was a man. And in that vein, he still had work to do.

Rodney took a deep breath and made his move. He grabbed Aubrey by the shoulders, turning her towards him. Then he leaned down and kissed her. She was just the right height; tall enough that he didn't have to stoop, short enough for her curves to conform to his body.

At first, she almost pulled away, but then she leaned into him, her body pressing against his as he slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close.

They pulled away for breath and Aubrey spoke, her brow furrowing as she gulped in air, "Rodney, I don't…"

"Shh," Rodney said, lowering his lips to hers once more. He guided them, stumbling, back into his room until they sat on the edge of his bed. His hand moved up to curl around her neck, his calloused fingers brushing against the thin silver cord of her necklace. He leaned her back into his bed, their bodies moving in unison.

As he reached up to undo the first button on her blouse, Aubrey pulled away, turning her head so he couldn't kiss her.

"I don't… I can't," she said, avoiding his eyes.

Rodney cupped her face in his hand and turned her head towards him, his thumb caressing her cheek.

"Shh. It's fine," he cajoled, moving in to kiss her again.

Aubrey pushed on his chest, trying to make him keep his distance.

"No," she said, shaking her head, "I mean it, Rodney. I want to go now."

"Aw, come on Bree, you know you want me," he said, pressing down to kiss her. Her top button came loose under his ministrations.

"Don't call me that," Aubrey said lowly, "and get off me. I said no."

Rodney ignored her and kissed her again, his body pressing her into his bed.

He finally pulled away to catch his breath.

"GET OFF!" Aubrey shrieked and shoved him. He tumbled to the floor with a loud thud.

For a moment, they were both sitting there, looking at each other. Then Rodney's door slid open.

"Rodney, are you al…" Sheppard's voice failed as the door slid shut behind him and he took in the scene.

Aubrey, shaking and pale, sat on Rodney's bed clutching the neck-line of her shirt in a white-knuckled grip. She looked near to tears.

Rodney was on the floor, flushed and with an affronted expression on his face.

"Doctor Finch, are you okay?" Sheppard asked softly.

She nodded slowly and stood, slipping off the bed. She made a wide curve around Rodney, who was still sitting, confused, on the floor.

As she started to pass Sheppard to go out the door, he grabbed her arm, stopping her. She flinched back with a gasp, her wide eyes looking up at him in terror. Sheppard immediately let go and backed away, his hands raised unthreateningly.

"Sorry," he said quickly, "It's just…"

She cut him off, "Don't worry Colonel Sheppard. I won't tell anyone. I never have."

His hands clenched into fists at his sides and his eyes flashed angrily, "What do you mean you never have? Has someone…?"

She shook her head, "Not here," she smiled sadly, "Not yet."

Before he could ask any more questions, she slipped out the door, leaving him alone with Rodney.

Sheppard took a few seconds to reign in his anger.

"McKay, what did you do?" he asked, his voice almost a growl.

Rodney finally stood, dusting himself off to avoid Sheppard's angry gaze.

"It was really no big deal," he said feebly, "I mean, she was hot for me. Anyone could see that!"

"If she was so hot for you, than how did you end up on the floor and why did I hear her scream?" Sheppard asked fiercely.

Rodney shrugged, "She overreacted. You know women!"

Sheppard took a step towards him, stopping himself with difficulty.

"Did she say no?"

Rodney shifted uncomfortably.

"Did. She. Say. No?" Sheppard asked again, his voice tight.

"I was just doing what you told me to," Rodney said defensively, his chin lifting as he spoke, "My mind needed to be reminded that I was a man. And what better way could you think of than to…"

"Then to do to a woman what Kolya did to you?" Sheppard asked coolly.

Rodney paled and stumbled back, "No. I didn't. I wasn't… She liked me! She laughed at my jokes, she practically worshipped me!"

"She. Said. No," Sheppard said, taking a step forward with every word until he was inches away from Rodney, looming menacingly over him.

Rodney looked away, "I didn't mean to," he whispered. He looked up at Sheppard, his eyes wide in sudden awareness, "What have I done?"

Sheppard sighed and took a step back, shaking his head.

"You crossed a line, Rodney."

-000-

"Sheppard?" Rodney's voice sounded gratingly in John's ear.

"What?" John asked, pressing his earpiece.

Rodney's voice dropped to a whisper, "Doctor Finch didn't show up for work today."

John's stomach dropped, "Has anyone seen her?"

"No."

Sheppard looked out the window. The sun was beginning to set. In a city this size, someone would have seen her by now. Unless…

"Meet me outside her quarters," Sheppard said.

A few minutes later, McKay and Sheppard stood outside Doctor Finch's quarters.

Sheppard motioned for McKay to be silent and then knocked softly on the door.

"Doctor Finch, it's Colonel Sheppard, may I come in?"

No answer. Sheppard looked over at McKay and shrugged. Knocking harder, John waited for a response, but none came.

"Want me to…?" Rodney flopped his hand towards the locking panel of the door.

With a frown of concern, Sheppard nodded. It only took a few seconds for Rodney to override the lock, and the doors to Aubrey's quarters slid open.

Sheppard carefully entered the room. Rodney stood uncomfortably in the doorway.

"It's clear," Sheppard said, "She's not here."

With a sigh of relief, Rodney entered the sparsely furnished room.

There wasn't much to see. A chair sat in front of a small desk with a laptop. Hanging over the back of the chair were the clothes she had been wearing.

"At least we know she came home last night," Sheppard murmured.

The bed was neatly made. A small framed photo sat on the end table. Rodney picked it up and showed it to Sheppard.

In the photo there were two women, a little girl, and a very little boy. The older woman had dark hair and dark eyes and was smiling happily. The younger woman had golden-blonde hair and light brown eyes, and her smile seemed tempered by sadness. The little girl stood next to her, her dark red hair hanging in a long plait down her right side almost past her hips. The girl's dark eyes matched the older woman's and she clung to the younger woman's waist, her small smile marred by the missing front teeth. The little boy was standing on a wooden swing in front of the women, his pudgy hands wrapped around the swing's chains. He had on bright yellow galoshes. His chubby cheeks made his light brown eyes squint almost closed as he grinned mischievously.

Rodney pointed at the little girl, "Aubrey?" he asked. Sheppard shrugged and nodded. Rodney put the picture down and looked around to see if he could figure out where she could have gone.

Sheppard went to the balcony, the door sliding open at his approach. A folding chair sat in the center of the small terrace, facing out at the ocean. The red tint of the sunset cast a spooky ambiance. There was a book sitting on the chair, the pages flipping in the breeze.

"Rodney," Sheppard called, picking up the book. McKay came to the terrace and looked curiously at the book. John turned the book over to look at the cover; it was a Bible. Following the thin red cord that served as a bookmark, Sheppard opened the Bible to the place she had last read.

"Why is light given to those in misery,

and life to the bitter of soul,

to those who long for death that does not come,

who search for it more than for hidden treasure,

who are filled with gladness

and rejoice when they reach the grave?

Why is life given to a man

whose way is hidden,

whom God has hedged in?

For sighing comes to me instead of food;

my groans pour out like water.

What I feared has come upon me;

what I dreaded has happened to me.

I have no peace, no quietness;

I have no rest, but only turmoil."

Sheppard's voice trembled as he reached the end of the passage. He closed the Bible and looked up at McKay, his eyes hooded.

Rodney gaped at him, his mouth slack in shock.

"You don't think…?" McKay asked quietly.

Sheppard looked over at the delicate barrier that separated the terrace from the bottomless ocean.

Rodney followed his forlorn gaze, swallowing roughly.

"Oh, God, what have I done?" Rodney whimpered, moving to the edge of the balcony. His hands gripped the ancient metal banister as he leaned over to search the restless waves below.

"We have to tell Doctor Weir," John said softly.

"Tell Doctor Weir what?" Aubrey asked angrily, the door to her room sliding shut behind her, "Why you're breaking into my quarters, perhaps?"

"Bree?" Rodney asked shakily, his knees almost giving out as he leaned against the railing.

"I told you not to call me that!" Aubrey said stridently, "Only my family called me that!"

"I'm sorry for the intrusion Doctor Finch," Sheppard said, stepping in to try to defuse the rapidly escalating situation, "We were concerned that you had not shown up for work and decided to come and check on you."

She glared at him, "Why is it your business if I don't show up for work _Colonel_ Sheppard? I'm a scientist, not one of your grunts!" She jabbed her chin in Rodney's direction, her arms tightly crossed, "I know _he_ wouldn't notice if I fell off the face of the planet, unless he was worried I was going to press charges; which I told you I wasn't. So why are you really here? To intimidate me into leaving Atlantis? Because it's not going to work. I'm staying. I've dealt with his kind before, I'll do it again."

"I'm sorry," Rodney interrupted, "I'd never try to make you leave, and I know what I did was really, really wrong. And I know my apology doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry. And if you feel uncomfortable working with me, I'll do my best to stay out of your way, but I promise, I _swear_, I'll never touch you again without your permission. I know it doesn't make up for what I did…"

Rodney glanced over at Sheppard who nodded slightly in approval.

"We'll leave now," John said, yanking on Rodney's arm to get him to move.

They had reached the door when Aubrey stopped them.

"Wait," she said, "Thanks for coming to see if I was okay. I didn't think anyone would notice I was missing. So… thank you, both."

Sheppard smiled tightly at her and dragged an unresisting Rodney into the corridor.


End file.
